I am haveing a problem with my mother, we have always been close, more like best friends, but she in the last month or so she has started acting like i do not even exist in her world anymore. She has anorexia and has lost a tremedious amount of weight in the last few months and i have been after her to get treatment and went and bought all kinds of nourshment drinks for her, and now she is avoiding me and hanging with my sister who is a drug user. This sister has never been around always acted like our family is not part of hers and now all of a sudden she is around mother and mother seems to hate me for telling her that i want her to get help, We had a huge argument about this and she told me to mind my own buisness and stop telling everyone hers, what should i do, call and appoligise and set back and say nothing, or stay away from her all together or should i keep on her about the weight loss, she weighs 94 lbs and her normal weight is 134lbs. Please tell me what to do!!!!
2006-10-13 02:57:59 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Unfortunately, she has an eating disorder and you really can not make her seek medical attention. As with a drug addict, they must want and desire help in order to get it. I would not stay angry with her, I would call and apologize to her and this may mend the relationship. You could try to find a way to tell her that you are worried and concerned for her health. In a gentle non-threatening manner. She has now developed a relationship with your sister after this being absent and your sister suffering with her own issues probably is saying little if anything about your mothers weight loss. So she is feeling very comfortable with this. You should however, see if there are any support groups in your area, and perhaps seek some counseling for yourself so you do not have guilt. You can not save your mom or your sister, however, you can only be there when and if they do decide to get some help. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you and your family. my heart goes out to you.
2006-10-13 03:05:16 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh, my goodness, not sure of this one, but then, use the scientific method:
Identify the problem:
That one ye asked.
Identify (or formulate?) the hypothesis:
Maybe she is just sad, the oddity there is, why does she avoid you? I never encountered that kind of problem before. Wait, I'll think...
Your sister might be influencing her!!!! Oh, my goodness, maybe when you and your mother are still getting along with each other, she is jealous, and when the problem came, she entered to take her chances,
Maybe, to get back at you for neither I nor she does not know but she may feel you did:
you want her gone because she is a drug user and she never, ever had been with you and your mother.
She might say nasty things about you to your mother, and if you wanted to find out, do what you may will.
but you want to have your mother back, so, that I recently mentioned might put you in vain wasting of precious time.
Test the hypothesis:
It is still up to you on how you do so, if you find what I said is true, then ye
Find the solution:
Your sister matters not, but finding things out about her might help you solve the problem.
I'd say you'll "keep on her about the weight loss", though it is her fault you might, too, be blamed, in Judgement Day because you didn't do any.
She needs you even if she doesn't want.
Apologize for how you said it to her (maybe you flared up) but do not apologize because you think bothered her life.
Stay away from her might be the last thing you need if she is a hopeless case, but rest assured, she will not find a way to thank you if you can get her out of anorexia.
I promise.
Lordimpalerthe
2006-10-13 10:27:17 · answer #2 · answered by Lordimpalerthe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your mom is feeling very down on her self and self image. I think the reason she has grown closer to your other sister is she feels she wont think less of her. Although you haven't meant to you have made her feel you have a lesser opinion of her now. Your telling her you think she is "wrong" so to say. When people you love point out things you are embarrassed about it makes you feel worse. She was the one you looked up to, and now she can't be that for you any more. Instead of telling her she needs to gain weight and why it is so important. Tell her you are concerned but don't push her to fix it. Tell her you are always there if she needs you. She is embarrassed about the way her life has turned. Tell her it is alright and that even the strongest fall some times. We all get lost and need help some times. It is hard for a mother to ask help from her daughter. Just find away to stay close to her and she will come around again when she is ready. But don't let her think you think any less of her.
2006-10-13 10:19:25 · answer #3 · answered by lynx 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call the hospital and see if there is a treatment program for both your mother and sister. Drugs are trashy and degredating and if a person needs to turn to them they need help with understanding themselves. Anorexia is a terrible problem, one which i suffered from for a short time when I was in middle school. The pressure to be thin is so extreme, especially when you aren't a stick. I was never fat, but i was curvy when no one else was. I managed to work through it on my own, but if she has regressed that much, death is a threat. unless she is extremely short that weight is entirely too low. Call the hospital or a health center and see if they can help you or give you advice. Good luck!
2006-10-13 10:02:56 · answer #4 · answered by Domi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well! the way your mother is acting is very strange. Just go over mentally in your mind regarding the recent events in which you and your mother were together. did anything untoward happen for which your mother might think you to be responsible? Because suddenly avoiding someone could be that they are hurt by some recent events.
you could also seek professional help like speaking to a counselor if things go a bit off track.
2006-10-13 10:02:54 · answer #5 · answered by The Navigator 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I went through this. She was on meth though. It took the family pushing her to get off of it to get her to realize how much she was missing out on. Until she realizes, or you make her realize, she has basically a drug problem (anorexia is a problem just like drugs) then she won't change. And she'll continue to avoid you and reality. Pressure and maybe proffessional help is the only way to get her back to her normal self. It's heartbreaking and it'll tear your whole life apart when the one you love won't get help for their problems. It takes time, but if you're persistant, then hopefully she'll come around. I'll pray for you, i know you need it right now. Good luck
2006-10-13 10:10:03 · answer #6 · answered by St. Louis Rams Chick 1976 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She needs help. Do you have a doctor or family friend that she'll listen to? If not, how about your grandparents - her parents. The disease she has is what's causing the problem, and the reason she's with your sister is that she's seeing her as a kindred spirit right now. She needs to WANT to get better, and until she comes to that way of thinking. All you can do is love her and encourage her. There's some valuable information at http://www.mamashealth.com/anorexia.asp Good luck, honey.
2006-10-13 10:05:50 · answer #7 · answered by LeeBee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The bottom line your Mother is avoiding you because she knows that you are right. I am sorry to say that until she is ready to get help there is nothing you can really do. Good luck have faith and stay strong.
2006-10-13 10:02:56 · answer #8 · answered by blueblossom33 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sometimes it is hard just to let things happen but your mother loves you even though she might not act like it i think the harder you push things the farther away she will push you dont back all the way away just enough where you can try and Guido her back to the right path in the end she will understand how much to love her
2006-10-13 10:15:11 · answer #9 · answered by borgdrone 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i really thing you should stay on your mom, plus she is hanging with a sister that is on drugs that she never spent time with (that could be a red flag) so please stay on your mom at least until you find out what is really going on
2006-10-13 10:03:02 · answer #10 · answered by waynekirsten 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋