My husband can not stop lying to me. I guess it's partly my fault for being stupid enough to stay with him when I know everything he's lied about. He's addicted to porn, lied about the number of people he's slept with (there was a huge difference). He got tested for herpes just shortly after moving in with me a few years ago. He lied to me about how much my engagement ring cost (not that it matters to me how much it costs i just hate he had to lie about it). And this morning I came across a new e-mail address he just recently created in order to hook up with other married people. The inbox was full of personals and he was stupid enough to leave his log in info on the computer. I asked him about it and he said he needed a boost of confidence and for someone else to find him attractive.
I want to leave him but we have a 1 year old little girl and we've only been married for 3 months. Should I accept his excuse and move on or finally leave him?
2006-10-13 02:41:08 · 24 answers · asked by Chi1linVi1lain 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh, and I've never given him a reason to lack confidence. I think he's terribly handsome and have always told him so. He has never had to doubt how much I love him.
2006-10-13 02:42:31 · update #1
This is her husband. I've made some really bad mistakes. This is the worst by far. I'm a terrible person. And I don't deserve the love of my wife. I've broken her trust, I've looked at other women, I've posted a profile on the internet, I've lied countless times. I have a problem with truth, I struggle with being honest. It's a battle I've fought most of my life. I can't explain why or how. I'm actively seeking psychiatric help after this latest episode. I know it's very late, and that this f#ck up is disasterous. I just asked my wife to help me get better. I've pleaded that I've got a problem and I need help. So far the earliest Appt is Nov 2nd I'm trying for an earlier one. I can't go on doing this to my wife. I can't go on doing this to myself. I realized after reading most of your answers that I'm asking her to ignore good judgement and attempt to save a lost cause like me. My only hope is that I can get help and that she sees that I'm a good guy that f#cks up a lot. I LOVE HER.
2006-10-13 03:40:46 · update #2
Does this sound like something a man that truely loved his wife would say:
"This is me, I''m looking for some er*tic and e*plicit fun. Looking for a young, hot, and energetic woman that will get down and dirty and not hang around afterwards. So if you''re looking for no strings s*x I''m your man."
2006-10-13 04:17:06 · update #3
I believe marriage is a contract between two people. If you run it's like a failure. Before you fail I would try counseling. Notice I didn't say for HIM to go. You both should JOIN together and get help. I was a chronic liar. I white washed it as exaggeration. With a little help I realized it wasn't helping my self image. Now I tend to down play large events but that's OK because when people find the truth it looks better on me therefore my 'ego' gets the boost it was wanting in the first place!.. I Like it! Get professional help.
Call Dr Phil :-)
2006-10-13 02:51:42 · answer #1 · answered by Marshall Lee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first just because you have a child doesn't mean you should stay. He is setting a wrong example for her and she'll just end up thinking it's okay for a man to behave this way. I think you have done your part and been hurt way too much, it's time to take care of you and leave him alone. He won't change, not in your lifetime anyway. I think you have given him enough. I was in a dead end relationship for 8 years before I decided to move on. I was wasting my life on someone who was unable to change, glad I did he was murdered 3 months ago, which was 5 years after I had left him, so I would have wasted 5 more years to end up being a widow. He was killed because of a drug deal gone bad,he never changed and it cost him his life, I also had a daughter, she was 3 when I left him. She is better now than she was when we were together, she has a stable life and a good step dad, she is also an honor role student, so sometimes the best thing you can do for your child is take then out of a hurt full life. I wish you the best and the strength and courage to make the right decision, you sometimes have to make yourself think with your head and not your heart.
2006-10-13 02:54:09 · answer #2 · answered by e_deckwa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you marry this bloke in the first place? If you are wanting to stay with him then you need to sit and talk things out, this may be difficult if he cant tell the truth from a lie.
Should you decide to leave him get a plan together first, where to live, jobs, child care etc. Don't ever leave on an argument as that arguments content is all he will think you fell out over. You have 3 choices; to stay, leave or for the time being do nothing.
2006-10-13 02:49:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you have a little girl, but you can never be there for your little girl if you aren't happy and obviously you aren't happy. I think that you should go to counseling and see what is going on, and if it doesnt work file separation papers. It may be hard and emotional but you and everyone will be better off, it is for the best. So take your time and think about it, make sure you wont have any regrets. Make sure you have tried everything you can and once you feel like you have, then determine wheteher you want to leave or stay. Good Luck on your decision.
--2Cute
2006-10-13 02:59:31 · answer #4 · answered by caligurrl3634 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Madam...you're married to not just a liar, but a pathological one at that. Just as an alcoholic does, he looks for excuses and usually blames you for his faults. These are rather large faults too I might add.
Regardless of how much you may love him you've a decision to make. Would you prefer to live this existance? Its pretty clear that you will soon be in the market for some type of sexually transmitted disease if you do stay.
In all actuality, I'm abit taken aback by you having to even ask a question like this. The answer seems pretty simple to me. Your life though. Do as you please and run the risks that you run.
2006-10-13 02:54:48 · answer #5 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust is a major issue when it comes to marriage. From the sounds of things, you haven't trusted him for a long time and the marriage should have never taken place. He will never change unless you get him into counseling as well as you going into couples counseling with him. But he has to admit he has a problem and make him aware of what he will lose if he doesn't work things out. Stick to your guns or he will continue and in the end will end up also lying to your little girl.
2006-10-13 02:47:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That depends, Can you finanacially afford to leave him? Do you love him? What were the circumstances, that led to you initially getting involved with him (there's some truth to "women want bad boys). If you were aware of his inability to be truthful, why did you get in this relationship?. Sorry for the third degree, but if you did leave, and not analyze, how you got where you are now, you will very likely find another unreliable partner.
Remember, your not looking to blame yourself or others when looking at this, your trying to learn, to avoid it in the future. I do believe, HE will not change. Good Luck!
(God, I sound like some AM radio show psychobabble bullsh*t artist . . . .don't I? I need a new name . . . lets see "Dr. Backroads"? no, sounds like that witch woman everyone hates, BSing with backroads, no, scares off the prudes . . . .hhhhmmmmmm I shall ponder . . . .)
2006-10-13 03:12:49 · answer #7 · answered by backroads 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You teach people how to treat you. If he gets away with this the next thing will be an affair and then he will have an excuse for that. YOU ONLY HAVE SO MANY HEARTBEATS LEFT ON THIS PLANET... do you want to waste them being unhappy?
Do you want your daughter to be raised by (whoever) because you are dead from an STD related thing?
Come ON..... submissive does not mean DOORMAT
The amount of disrespect you are to take from ANYONE (much less husband) is ZERO
If you are with someone who doesnt respect your thoughts feelings beliefs values and judgements RUN RUN As fast as you can in the other direction. (advice to my whole class one day in college... the profs wife worked for a palce that dealt with domestic violence issues)
If you dont develop a backbone WHO WILL DO IT FOR YOU?
My ex used to coem home from work griping and moaning about EVERYTHING... finally i said HEY if i dont make you happy go find someone that will.... that shut him up for a while but he wasnt happy so... eventually i got to the point that one morning i woke up and thought "You know (to myself) it would be in these kids' best interest if I left"
And I left that day and never went back. Now the ex and I are friendly to each other. Civil, you know.
About th elying... My granny used to say "Some folks will PAY to lie when they could tell the truth for free"
He sounds like an ***. DO you really want your daughter to grow up watching YOU her mother LOVE a man such as this? She will think.. hey i love and respect MOM... and mom is putting up with incivility... OH HEY an uncivil man is what I WANNA MARRY WHEN I GROW UP.
Not only SHOULD you leave... but if you don't.. you are being abusive to your daughter (for letting her see mom unhappy) NAD you are setting her up to be attracted to dumb lying cheating men. Its not too late. SHe hasnt been RUINED yet... but if you wait till she is FOUR to leave... thoise memories will be there always and when you see a black eye on your daughter as an adult that she was given by her boyfriend/husband ... you will know that YOU Are the one who put it there because YOU could have left and given her a better start in life.
2006-10-13 02:54:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like his next step will be to have sex with other people. Get out now and save your self the misery. Your child also needs a stable home. Being in love is one thing being stupid is another. From what you have said he has no self confidence and is not ready for marriage and children. He still has a lot of growing up to do.
2006-10-13 02:53:56 · answer #9 · answered by lynx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you accept his excuse this time, be prepared to do this many times in your life. You not only have yourself but a little girl to think about. She is only one now, but as she becomes older she will be able to see what is happening around her. She can become to accept the fact that daddies lie to mommies and its ok. Its not right to be decieved in a marriage, there is no room to grow together.
2006-10-13 02:56:03 · answer #10 · answered by miss bean 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋