We stay at her mothers house over the weekend for her father's Birthday> I was surprise to find a letter from a bank mailed to her moms house? It had ruffly $51 K in it. I asked her where all that money came from and she told me I owed it to her?????What ??Back in 1995 We used$ 71,000 to pay off All our debts so we could be debt free going into marriage. Most of what we paid off was my debt. That was 90% her money! She never told me she felt that way....about the money.. I transfer the rest of the money to make it to 71k and now I am controlling all our our different accounts...I am afraid if I wound not of caught her it would be 100k in 2 more year and just grow and grow.The only word for that is Stealing!!! I make all the money and she is a stay at home mom. and has never worked since we got married... She has her 71k nofw and she can use it any way she likes....
DO YOU THINK IT IS STEALING FOR YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE TO BE PUTTING MONEY AWAY WITHOUT YOU KNOWING???
2006-10-13 02:32:15 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know you might feel like its a trust issue, but do you two see each other together forever? I'm pretty sure she has no intentions of leaving you and taking off with the money. You don't know what she had planned with that money. What if its for your kids and their weddings, college, or cars? Also, considering that almost all of the debt was yours and she paid 90% of it with her money, do you think its wrong to have saved money? She probably thinks that you would spend it all or try too. She wouldn't have money stashed like that unless she had a plan for it. What about retirement? You never know. You shouldn't be mad at her b/c truly I wouldn't be surprised if its for your kids when they get older or for the two of you when you retire. I know you feel like you can't trust her but if you knew about the money early on, would it still be there or would it be spent? The real question is what was the money for?
2006-10-13 02:39:37 · answer #1 · answered by Rica 82 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
So she has 51K saved up. Who do you think is going to benefit from that money? As long as she is married to you YOU would as well as her, if there is a divorce YOU would more than likely get half of that money anyway...so stop your whining and thank your wife for being so frugal, she hasn't STOLEN anything from you, she cooks your meals, she cleans your house she provides you with a safe environment to come home to, and she helped YOU pay off YOUR debts when she didn't HAVE to. You might want to THANK your wife for looking after BOTH of your futures by putting money away or are you afraid she's planning on leaving you with from where I'm sitting is what you deserve.
2006-10-13 02:57:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are paying her back to me. I really doubt, and apparently your wife thinks so too, that you would have given her back what she is owed in cash! And......you did not realize you were missing any money either until you found the bank statement??? HUM.........Did you ask your wife why she was saving the money? Maybe she thinks you both need a nest egg for retirement or your dream house. Maybe she does not think you are capable of saving for the future.
OH, being a stay at home mom is the most important job in the whole world and has nothing to do with a savings account!!!
Just a thought or two.
2006-10-13 02:46:04 · answer #3 · answered by together420yrs 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Look at it from her point of view: You don't have a job. Your spouse is your only source of support. She gave her all from the beginning by paying off that debt. Now she has nothing to fall back on. I'm sorry, but realisticly, life has no guarantees. There is no guarantee that you're going to be on this earth tomorrow, much less that you're going to be together forever. Everyone needs something to fall back on. You have a job, probably a home and a vehicle too. But what does she have? Does she have a reason to put this money aside? Would you still support her if the two of you were not together? Now, if you feel as though she betrayed you by doing this, then that's something the two of you need to discuss. Why did she do that? Is she uncomfortable in the marriage? Does she feel as though she needs that nest egg for a reason? You're married, so I have one last word for you: COMMUNICATE!
2006-10-13 02:41:19 · answer #4 · answered by skull_princess_70339 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't get mad, just get even. If a secret bank account is good for her, then its good for you too. There's NOTHING wrong in her putting money away, however her hiding this account from you and her not telling you that she resents paying your debt is a sign that this chick is preparing for a "rainy" day. I suggest you do the same thing too. Open a USPS mailbox and have the statements sent there or you can opt to NOT receive paper statements and just keep online statements. Watch your back dude. And another, bcos she is stay-at-home mom doesnt mean she doesnt have a job. That in itself is a full-time job. Hope things work out for you, just be very careful with this woman.
2006-10-13 02:49:04 · answer #5 · answered by Blk Angel 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think its stealing but its horribly dishonest. It'd be hard to trust her because most people who do that do it so in case they get divorced they'll have something to fall back on. I think you guys have some obvious communication issues you need to resolve. I'd seek counseling because as the seeds of distrust grow you could be in some serious trouble. Besides, when two people get married both the debt and the earned income is shared, regardless of whether she works or stays home. I think you are in the right here and unfortunately its impossible not to be worried and hurt by what she's done. I mean, what else is she hiding from you? Fifty-one thousand dollars is a lot to hide!
2006-10-13 02:39:11 · answer #6 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She's a SAHM, so yeah, you probably owe it to her. It's good that she has that money so that she doesn't get caught up in the 'golden handcuffs' relationship with you. This way, you know that she is with you because she likes you and not because she HAS to stay with you. Get over it. Maybe if you weren't so controlling with the money she wouldn't feel the need to keep her share of it a secret. It's definitly not stealing, since if you are married it's all her money as much as yours.
2006-10-13 02:40:37 · answer #7 · answered by Conniebug 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 2 of you should get marriage counseling with someone you each trust -- you both have some big unresolved issues here.
At the same time you BOTH should take inventory of your family finances --- savings, income, assets, debts, value of house, whats left on the mortgage, company benefits like like insurance, college savings, medical plans etc.
Big question: do make major financial decisions WITHOUT HER AGREEMENT? like signing contracts, buying a car, taking on debt, that type of thing? Are you controlling? does she have to ask you for money and get apporval of any sum she spends?
If so, I can definitely understand secretivelnes on her part .
2006-10-13 07:10:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's two sides to this. Women have a powerful emotional feeling about security. Its important to many of us to always have something to fall back on in case of emergencies. Maybe she was saving for a rainy day. On the other hand, since she said you owed her that, some women have been taught by their mothers to set aside money just in case the husband does something stupid like leave them. Then they have something to fall back on in the event the marriage dont work out. Because she didnt tell you about it, it leaves it open for you to make your own assumptions. If you have a good marriage, then try giving her the benefit of the doubt.
2006-10-13 03:10:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So she used over $60,000 to pay off a debt that was mostly yours...Now she has a secret bank account...I dont really see a great problem with that....Now if she were doing other things which you didnt mention I may be a little concerned..Consider this if your were paying someone to do the job she does it would have cost you well over $51,000 and more than likely you would not have been sleeping with them... Get over it...
2006-10-13 03:09:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋