Do other moms feel this way?

Question

I am a divorced mom of a wonderful 3 yr. old girl and couldn't imagine life without here. She is an absolute joy to have around and is always making me laugh with the crazy things she comes up with. The problem is... I feel guilty about sometimes missing my single childless days when I could come and go as I please. I feel just aweful for feeling this way, but the feelings come and go at certain times. I sometimes envy my friends when they are able to sleep in or go out at nights with no planning or notice.

Is this a normal feeling or am I being selfish in my emotions. This is the first time I have been a single mom and this is all still a little new to me. I have been divorced for a little over a year. Any suggestions would be great...thanks.

Answer 1

What you are feeling is very normal. I am single mom and yes sometimes I miss my freedom too. Make sure you make time for yourself and you will feel better. It gets easier when they are in school.

Answer 2

There is nothing wrong with thinking about when you were young and childless, we all do that. Just as much as you sometimes envy your single friends, they probably envy you as well to have asweet and precious gift such as your daughter. I would venture to guess that what is happening is that you're feeling lonely, you want some adult interaction, which is perfectly normal. Try to get yourself involved in out of the house adult activities if you can, learn a new hobby, take a class in something that interests you, join a gym and mingle with grown ups a bit. This will help get your mind off of what "might have been" and make you a happier mom for your little girl.

Answer 3

Don't feel guilty! You are a human being-we aren't perfect no matter how hard we try to sugarcoat our lives. The important fact in all of this is you have fantasized about old times-not actually put any actions to those thoughts. There are many mother's who have been in a situation similar to you and decided instead, to be selfish and put their "wants" before their children's "needs". Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with a young, single mom going out for a good time once in awhile. With all of the responsibilities that come in a single parent household, you would end up driving yourself crazy if you didn't let loose from time to time. Eventually, this too will pass- it's all a part of the transitions of parenthood. Just hang in there, allow some "you" time, and keep doing what you are doing!

Answer 4

These feelings are totally normal and they don't make you a bad mom. Be sure to give yourself a break once in a while though. Everyone needs their own time. As the mother of children who are now 12, 15 and 16 I can tell you that when they reach this age, just the reverse will happen. I don't want them to go and I can not believe how fast the time has gone by. Love and cherish the moments you have. You will be without thoses precious little ones and on your own again sooner than you know. They will be with you for only 18 - 20 years. You will be by yourself without them for 40 - 50 years.

Answer 5

Don't worry it is completely normal. I have a 3 year old as well and sometimes I feel the exact same way you do. I'm only 24 and I miss being able to just go to a movie or hang out with the girls. What helps me get along is I think about how children grow up so fast and I try to enjoy every little moment with my daughter. Think about it eventually she will become older and that's when you're time comes in to have your fun.

Answer 6

Yes, it is very normal to feel these feelings. As a mother of 2 young children I know. Don't beat yourself up about this just remember that it's human.

First thing you need to do is find a reliable babysitter that can keep your child at their house overnight. At very least you should go out with the girls' once a month. Then, about once every 2-3 months you need someone that can keep your child for a whole weekend ( My mom does weekends and 14 year old neighbor and her mom keep them for girls' night) This is called 'mommy time' at our house and it what helped me get over my post-pardum depression with my first daughter. It is very benificial to any parent and it'll help you realize that you are not unhappy with your new role as mommy you just had a big change in your life that takes some time getting used to.

Please don't feel like this makes you a bad mom. This happens to a lot of people and it will come and go throughout parenthood.
Explain these feels to your mom or someone else that loves you. It will make it easier to know that others know and care.

Answer 7

I was 17 when I got married, started having kiddos and 24 when I got divorced. I have been single ever since. Now I am looking forward to, in 1 1/2 years, my baby will finish school and start off on her life, and guess what... I will only be 39! At long last, time for me is in my sight!
What you are feeling is very normal! You are NOT alone. It is hard for us, as parents, to admit and accept that we are still humans and we still have wants and needs of our own. But let me say..... IT'S OK!!!!!!
See if you can get one of your friends, family or trusted neighbor to watch your daughter so that you can go out with your friends, or on a date sometime. Take care of yourself and you will find that taking care of your daughter will come much easier.

Answer 8

Wow. Don't worry, hon. I'm a mom of a 2yr old and I feel like running away at times - especially when the word "NO" is on the extended "dance mix" version... I miss sleep, I miss pub crawls, I miss spontaneity. BUT I would miss her with my entire being if she wasn't here - as you said, "I can't imagine life without her"...

I have found a circle of friends with similar interests and children. We get together monthly (as time permits) and have a play date - for the kids and for us. The kids play, we get some adult girl-time and a chance to reconnect. I also invite my single friends - it's a nice change of pace for them (I hope). They like to play with the kids, and if not, they enjoy a glass of wine or a beer and join in on the banter. The trick is to adapt - and invite others to do it with you. Change is fun and necessary!

Life as it was is always looked upon fondly - but remember feeling like there was more to life? Remember feeling like you were in a rut of going out on weekends, drinking, partying, working, repeat? Your daughter brings something new to the table every day - no more ruts for you! ;-) This is that "more to life", and now that you have it, it's healthy and normal to long for the past. You can also look forward to the future with your child. There are many good memories yet to be made...

Answer 9

I was a single mum to a 2yo and baby for a year after getting divorced. I love my kids more than anything but of course you sometimes want to go out and have fun, expecially when you find yourself on your own again. Can you come to an agreement with your ex husband to have your daughter one eve a week or something so you can arrange a girly night out and have that to look forwards to? The other idea is to get int a babysitting circle where youre helping out other mums and in return they help you, all the kids get to mix and socialise and I think it works really well.

Answer 10

Yes it is normal to feel that way. I am a mother of two and sometimes wish that I could do the things that I used to before having them. Maybe you could get a baby sitter and go out for a night. You need to have your own time too. Best of luck to you and your little girl.

Answer 11

Yes i think we all feel like that from time to time. Give yourself a break once in a while and get a sitter and go out. Your not being selfish unless you start putting those thoughts before your child which doesnt sound like you do. All of us moms need time to oursleves from time to time. Dont feel bad about it just make dates with yourself when you can leave your child with someone who will take great care of her while you go unwind. Remember we are only promised today, have fun with that little angel.