I'm married with two wonderful teenagers. My wife is hard working, intelligent, very good with money and the kids...everything one should want. And yet, I dream of being on my own away from her. It makes me cringe everytime she says "I love you". I hate it when she snuggles up to me. She needs so much more than I can give. I'm just so indifferent to her, and I dream all the time of being free. Not walking away from my kids, but just her. There are so many things I want to do in life and none of them involve her. In fact, it always feels like she is intruding on my life and I get so resentful. I even resent that she wants to spend time with me. Are these feelings common? Is this what marriage is about? I'm just so tired by trying to be someone I'm not. I get so depressed. Someone tell me if I should just be sucking it up and making the best of this, or if this is a sign I should be looking to move on.
2006-10-13
02:16:37
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13 answers
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asked by
hopeful
1
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Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow! This is how I feel my husband feels about me. Exactly. I feel like I'm an intruder in his life and his plans. I think your wife already knows how you feel. I sure do. It hurts so much to think that he'd rather be doing something else and that I'm just something to put up with. I actually get a heavy feeling in my chest when I think about it -- maybe the figurative broken heart?
If you both are willing to go to counseling, please do! I wish I could get my husband to go.
Good luck!
2006-10-13 02:31:32
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answer #1
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answered by ? 6
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What you are discribing is exactly how many individuals feel when they lose the spark, the passion and worse of all the love in a marriage. You are not wrong for feeling these things and you are definetly not wrong for achknowledgin them. But you know you cannot stay in this situation. You need to talk to your wife about them because in this state you will never be a good enough husband or father for those girls and so therefore you need to inform her and see what you two can work out...b/c if the best solution is a divorce and it seems to be the best option for your daughters and yourself then so be it get a divorce. But if its just a depressi9on on your part and a lack of caring compassion between you all that can be resolved...talk to her honey it sthe best thing for the family!!!!
2006-10-13 02:23:07
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answer #2
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answered by lasugarfree 4
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I've been married for 6 years and I get these feeling often too. But, yes, I think you should suck it up and make it work. Include her in your plans. This is your wife and she deserves to either be included or to be dropped so that she can move on. If these are your feeling then she feels your resentment without you even saying it. And it may be the reason she is so clingy( because she doesn't want to lose the one she loves and she feels you pushing her away) If this goes on you may end up alone anyway.
2006-10-13 02:25:04
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answer #3
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answered by arl21amber 4
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What is it exactly that you want? New sex partners? You must know that walking away from her IS walking away from your children also. Everyone is, at times, a little bored with their marriage, but most realize that life would not be any better single. My husband divorced me for the same reasons you state (despite the fact that I am intelligent, loyal, attractive, and a very good mother). I moved to the home I owned 500 miles from him. Now he only sees our son about once every 3 months. He also seemed very upset when he found out I was dating again.
Is this what you want? Please think of creative ways to make your relationship more enjoyable and be very careful what you wish for.
2006-10-13 02:39:38
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answer #4
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answered by 13th Floor 6
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Yes I dream about being single (its gonna happen in 2007 too) However I would love to have a wife that was wanting to snuggle and love me like you do. Sounds like your hitting the midlife crisis. Go out buy a hot sports car then come home get momma and take her away for a weekend. Either that or get a divorce ruin three peoples lives and be the cad you sound like you want to be
2006-10-13 02:34:52
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answer #5
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answered by fortyninertu 5
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I think you need serious help. honestly, you seem to have a good wife and one who loves you and the kids...oh and good with money..that's hard to find. you need to start to appreciate what you have instead of wishing for what you don't. the grass is not greener on the other side. make some changes in yourself. think really hard about the way you feel and why. you never realize what you got till it's gone, and by then it's usually too late. i think you should suck it up and stop being selfish,but I'm not in your shoes, i don't see exactly how she is,I've been divorced twice and I'm on my third husband...things are awesome with this marriage, so i can't really tell you what to do since i have had my share of bad relationships but these are suggestions. in your vows it was for better or worst, i do take those serious now, back in the day i was too young and didn't really care about those vows. but i do think you owe it to her and your kids to try to get help for these feelings you are having. good luck~
2006-10-13 02:26:36
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answer #6
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answered by e_deckwa 5
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I think you are a bit ungrateful. If you wanted to be alone you should not have married. Having sired two children it is not right to think of being single and to abandon your wife who has given you so much. You yourself admit you are not giving all that she needs. You will realize all this some day. Then it will be too late. So make hay while the Sun shines. Love your wife and give her all that she needs and give up these crazy ideas.
2006-10-13 02:24:59
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answer #7
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answered by openpsychy 6
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Hi,
so maybe it's can be simplified as boring to your own wife. it's kind of normal when at one time we are getting so boring with our own life and with ppl around us. now you are boring with wife, maybe tomorrow with kids, maybe tomorrow with your job and friend.
The best way to cure the boring is you have to remember the past time. just remember how to get your wife into date, how you treat her well. how you try to build a relationship. Wht are you say to her on the first time you approach her .. etc.
This will remind you how hard to get her.. and when you come to the present you will feel you have won a great project...
Hope this help...
Cheers!!
MS
2006-10-13 02:22:58
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answer #8
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answered by Monalisa 2
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i have been married 20 years with 2 teenagers. even though i need time to myself, i covet the time with my husband. he is the same, i know this because he tells me often. remember, marriage is for better or worse. i think you should find a counselor who could help you. your family doctor could give you something for the depression. above all, you need to do whatever it takes to save your relationship. if you make her your queen, she'll make you her king. good luck to you.
2006-10-13 02:22:55
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answer #9
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answered by one hot mamma 5
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The love for her is gone and resentment has taken place. It's time to move on.
2006-10-13 02:52:38
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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