Keeping this brief: I've recently miscarried - thought my partner and I were both on the same page - supporting eachother and having plans to try for another baby.
He came home in a particularly bad mood - made me cry - I spent the next day in bed.
Day after this I checked the browser history on the PC, found out he'd been watching porn while I was upstairs sobbing.
He'd done this before about 2 years ago and saw how much it upset me, promised to never do it again.
So - is porn acceptable when you're in a relationship? And is it inappropriate at a time like this?
2006-10-13 01:19:49 · 54 answers · asked by seraphiminblack 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Why not.!
2006-10-13 01:21:52 · answer #1 · answered by m 1 · 0⤊ 4⤋
I have no problem with my husband watching porn as long as it's something we are doing together! That's the way it always used to be but now it's like he can't wait for me to go to work so he can watch it alone and take care of himself! We are both very happy sexually but we are never home at the same time. When we are, we argue. Sex is good though. If the spouse is addicted to porn and they would rather watch the movie than have you then yes, there's a big problem. Guys just don't get the sensitive side of women. Some do, but they are far and few. Sorry.
2006-10-13 01:33:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Please let me know! While I have never looked at porn after making my girlfriend cry (actually, I don't think I have ever made my girlfriend cry), I do look at it and she is not very happy about that.
I have told her I would stop, but I still look at it sometimes. Still, every time I do it, it upsets her and I promise it will be the last time, just like in your situation.
Unfortunately, your husband and I are in a different situation. While you two are already trying to have kids, my girlfriend ad I are not yet married and therefore have never had sex.
I think if you are having sex with him, he should have no excuse for looking at porn, especially when you are so vulnerable.
But let's get to the REAL question. Why are you still with a guy who makes you cry?
Sorry, just one more thing. I have noticed all of the people saying porn is OK in a relationship. In my opinion, in a relationship like that, porn should not be needed. Your girlfriend should be all of the excitemet you need. Whenever I am with my girlfriend, I don't even think about porn. It is only when she goes out of town to college that I look at it.
2006-10-13 01:22:00 · answer #3 · answered by ihatehippies 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are both happy to watch porn then it can be healthy for the relationship because it helps to fire things up when it gets boring. But if one of you doesn't like it, it can make things difficult...men are visual creatures, women are imaginative. If a guy is watching porn, he is looking at the sexual act, if a woman watches porn, she is seeing the whole thing as a fantasy. Porn to alot of women is as enjoyable as a good book!
You seem to be more upset that he looked at porn full stop and because you were feeling vulnerable anyway, it touched a raw nerve. If he watched it in front of you, it would be pretty inconsiderate of him but then, he didn't do it with the intention of you finding out...you peeked!
If it's any consolation, I doubt that he did it to upset you, perhaps he just misses the spark you had before your loss? I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage and I hope you can get through it. Good luck.
2006-10-13 04:23:00 · answer #4 · answered by makehaysunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its a bit pathetic if you have to watch porn on your own, its not enjoyable, you could be out and about with REAL girls. I see it as missing out, if you like watching, there are couples out there that like a third person watching them. lol. I know porn is an easy stimulation but im not 15 years old anymore. When your girlfriend is upset then it is abit inconsiderate, regardless of the situation you have to be with her, even if she annoyed you. I do feel porn can be a healthy part of a relationship if you watch it together, new positions and experimenting is all part of the fun. Does this help?
2006-10-13 05:23:33 · answer #5 · answered by Kawaii Noire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn is acceptable if BOTH partners look at it together - it can enhance your sex life by introducing you to new things. Porn may be acceptable if one or the other looks at it alone but only if the partner is aware of it and knows it will lead to some fun later.
Looking at porn when he knows it upsets you is not acceptable and at a time like you've been through it is definitely inappropriate.
2006-10-13 04:56:18 · answer #6 · answered by Marinersfan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is clearly a moral question. Some couples use porn to make their sexlife interesting. Other couples simply understand that sometimes the guy (or gal) wants to unwind or shut their brain down especially after a trauma such as your recent loss. Men don't know how to tlak about their feelings and use other avenues (drinking, overeating, watching porn, hiding,) instead of talking about it like women do.
is it inapprpriate when you are grieving and all you want is attention and love. Wellprobably not but it helps to understand why he is doing it.
You could sit down and talk about it (not confrontational way) and tell him that it bothers you. Let him know what support you do need at this trying time.
2006-10-13 01:23:40 · answer #7 · answered by julie l 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husband does this all the time after i've gone to bed....It upset me at first but now i've come to accept it. I didnt mind watching DVDS with him, but i thought it was different on the PC. Like your hubby he promised not to do it again but i know he does it all the time and then clears the history of the internet. I only found out because i looked in his recent documents and found the pics and film clips.
He stores some of the pics which i do object to, but its human nature. I accept it because i cannot change him. There's only certain things i dont accept and in those cases i wipe them off the computer.
My husband sometimes has pics of real women rather than models. Accept the things you cannot change. He's with you because he loves you, accept it and dont make too much of a fuss. I've learnt this from experience. Dont get upset, its not worth it and what you have together is real. His PC is escapism from reality.
2006-10-13 01:32:07 · answer #8 · answered by heleneaustin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh of course its acceptable in a relationship and even better if watched together and at least if hes watching it at home hes not out anywhere else if ye know what i mean, however under the circumstances i think it was very inappropiate to be doing it at that particular time , though how can you be 100% certain it was at that exact time browser history cannot tell you times and dates you were there just that you were at some stage.good luck and try not be too hard on him.
2006-10-13 01:27:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, I'm so sorry about your baby. Secondly, to answer your question: no, it's not acceptable, especially with you being in such a fragile state of mind. I'd like to direct you to this quote from I Hate Hippies that I found in a previous post (I wish there were more men out there who thought this way):
"Sorry, just one more thing. I have noticed all of the people saying porn is OK in a relationship. In my opinion, in a relationship like that, porn should not be needed. Your girlfriend should be all of the excitemet you need."
2006-10-13 11:45:12 · answer #10 · answered by chemical_sister_2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Id say its acceptable when you are in a relationship but maybe his timing for flogging on was a bit bad. As long as its not affecting your sex life with him then i say let him enjoy a wee bit of porn. Obviously if its all the time then that may affect how things are between you guys.
But yes viewing porn when you are sobbing your heart out about a very sensitive issue like a Miscarriage then maybe he could have left it till after things had been sorted
2006-10-13 01:24:03 · answer #11 · answered by poli_b2001 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋