I have a friend who when he's in public, with a group of people, he behaves like an arrogant a**hole. He say's mean things, pretty much everyone. What he says can often be very mean and rude. He talks dirty to most of the girls, yet has no real desire to be with them. However, when you are one on one with him he's a sweetheart. Enjoyable to talk with, and just shows a side of him that doesn't come out when he's out in a crowd? He's a gentleman and just a softy, at heart. Any thoughts about why he's like this? I don't think I've ever seen anyone act this way before.
2006-10-13 01:11:48 · 16 answers · asked by Fuzzy 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
i think hes got some insecurities, and he feel it most when hes in a crowd, some people are like that, the arrogant behavior in public, i think is just a defense mechanism, and hes unaware that it is, and hes also unaware that hes hurting someone with his behavior, i bet he thinks hes fitting just right in with the peers with hes public behavior, hes trying to fit in, try to talk to him about this and youll see that im right, hell say that he wasnt arrogant, that he dont get what ur talking about, when did he say those things, things like that, his not realy a bad guy, hes halfly unaware that his like that in public
2006-10-13 01:29:34 · answer #1 · answered by comatose 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are quite a few like this....
Known to only a few very close, because, very few get so close to even notice this !
The only 'defense mechanism ' they have evolved in apprehension of assault of 'undue advantage of being nice' !
Not needed though.... perhaps they have own way of conceptualising this "offense is the best defense" !
A true friend can help, taking care , not to hurt , putting across the idea as gently as possible, not as a defect, but to suggest a much better alternative, for good reason... " why paint a wrong picture, and avoid potential true friends ? ".... May be he finds it difficult to say "no" to a close friend, when situation genuinely requires it to be said thus ! .... or may be some unforgettable experience about trusted friends having let down, and therefore decided not to increase the 'close' circle ! Only a close friend can observe and tell !
2006-10-13 01:47:20 · answer #2 · answered by Spiritualseeker 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Guys tend to be like that. I was a bit like that when I was young, but it was because I was afraid of people getting close. If he thinks that other males are going to see him acting like a sweetheart, he's probably thinking that they'll label him as 'gay'. He obviously wants to fit in, and is just doing what he thinks is acceptable for boys his age.
But sit him down and talk with him. Ask him wh he is mean in front of everyone. Perhaps it's just his way of dealing with nerves. He has to feel as if he is the tough one in front of a lot of people so that they don't see him stuff up.
Worst case scenario is that he is actually the arrogant prick, while the 'nice' side is just a ruse to keep people around him.
I doubt it's like that though. Perhaps he feels comfortable enough around you to show his true nature.
It's the same thing with me. Right now I have sparkly pink nail polish on, and lipstick pictures on my cheek because my daughter wanted to play and test it on me after we had dinner. I'd never let her do that if I had a couple of my friends over, but I'd still give her a good cuddle.
It's just a guy thing. Don't worry about it.
2006-10-13 01:24:33 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. Maul 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Probably he was humiliated in front of other people before that is why he is doing this to avoid it from happening again. It might be his defense mechanism.
What is his experience during childhood? It might be how his parents are treating him or his siblings that might be the reason he acts sarcastic in someways.
What movies does he watch? It might have an impact on him!
Is his parents separated or not! Probably this is the way he sees how his father treats his mother!
There are many reasons!
2006-10-13 01:29:22 · answer #4 · answered by cheesecake 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well boys will be boys right?! most of htem don't show their inner self or personality when his out in a crowd always Mr tough but in the inside as you have told us he's a real sweetheart, he's doing it maybe bec he don't want to be address as Mr softy you know what i mean don't yah?! aniwei try to talk to him and find out for your self hope this help!
2006-10-13 02:16:27 · answer #5 · answered by beng_ganda25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some of the boys and men always try to prove to the others that they are the MEN and always try to show the others that they are tough, no matter how gentle and soft they may be from the inside.I think that is exactly what is going on with your boyfriend.
2006-10-13 01:14:55 · answer #6 · answered by Friend 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people enjoy acting and being one of the crowd.When you are alone he is being himself. Hopefully he will out grow the need to act like a big shot in public.
2006-10-13 01:18:25 · answer #7 · answered by snowflake 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has security issues. Mainly fear of crowds and compsating be acting like a jerk or a**hole if you will. Possibly if this were brought to his attention, he may consider getting the proper therapy for this condition
2006-10-13 01:22:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One person can't be totally mean and totally nice at the same time; I think that either he is just showing off for his friends when he is mean or he is being manipulative and just acting when he is being kind. That's my take on it.
2006-10-13 01:17:40 · answer #9 · answered by Ilovechristjesustheking 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This sounds like an insecurity to me. He's hiding behind a false machismo ("Macho"). It sounds as if his fear is rooted in what he percieves to be others opinions of him and is afraid of being judged a "Wimp".
2006-10-13 01:23:25 · answer #10 · answered by raven_21633 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋