Am I supposed to take responsibility for my late husbands mother and disabled brothers?

Question

I was married for a long time before my husband died. His mother is elderly and has extremely poor vision. The two brothers are disabled. One has a heart condition, and the other has had a kidney transplant. Neither of them read or drive a car. I am remarried and living in another State, at least for now. I have 5 adult children, all of them busy with their oun lives and families.
I do not want to ruin my marriage over this. What do you think I should do?

Answer 1

You should do whatever is best for you. Since you are re-married now, I don't see where they would soley be your responsibility. I do think that you should check and see what type of help there is for the mother and the two brothers as far as social services. There are home health care services which would allow them to live in their present living situation as long as their health permitted them to. There is meals on wheels which would take care of their food. Check too see what is available if you want to do something. I think the worse thing you could do is to do nothing. Your husband should understand your compassion for these people who were a part of your life whether you liked it or not. He also needs to realize that you could be left to care for someone in his family, and he would want you to do it with quality, so these people deserve nothing short. You also will have to learn when to go and when to stay home. You can't let this situation consume you. Do as much as you can from the phone in your own home. Good luck, and god bless you for caring.

Answer 2

Contact a social service agency where they live to get some help. Since you were married for a long time, these unfortunate folks may think of you as a caring relative, which it sounds like you are not. Surely your new husband would understand you trying to help people with who you've had such a long and close connection? Follow the dictates of your conscience, and remember: what goes around comes around.

Answer 3

I feel once you are remarried your responsibility for your deceased husbands family ends, regardless of where you live. Surely their are other relatives in the state to care for them or there are state offices like welfare and the councel on aging. You may have some guilt due to being in their family for so long but your responsibility is over unless you want to help them in some way.

Answer 4

The simple answer is put them in a care home with the right facilities for them so they can be properly looked after and take the burden off of you, it may seem like a harsh way but if it saves your marriage and they get the care they need everyone’s a winner

Answer 5

You have no legal obligation to your dead husabnd's family. Are your adult children the ones you had with your dead husband? If so, they have more of an obligation (not a legal obligation) than you do. Let them worry about their grandmother and uncles. It is not YOUR problem. Don't jeopardize your present marriage by assuming a responsibility that is not yours. Also, don't let your children bully or browbeat into thinking that it is your obligation.

Answer 6

I think, depending on how close you were with your mother-in-law, you should try to help her out if you can. I'm not saying to take her into your home, but help in some small ways... just contribute. As for his brothers, well, I don't think you should feel any obligation to them.

Answer 7

go with ur heart.... it sounds like you dont want to, but feel guilty for not taking care of them. how long have they been taking care of themselves? you have moved out of state and they take care of themselves now I really dont see a problem with ur situation now :)

Answer 8

if you can, move them close to you- get them on financial aid through social security, and then check on them when you can-if you cant do everything yourself-dont blame yourself-just do what you can......social security will pay for nurses if its needed :)