what do you think of this poem i wrote?

Question

This poem is dedicated to my friend witch we both now live in different states...

AS the tall majestic palms sway in the warm summer breeze, I look out to the wide open sea, so deep and blue ,like the me I never knew, the sweet whisper of the wind flooded the air, like the ocean without a care, A glance at the past is like watching sand slip through an hour glass,ohh how I miss the green green grass, the sweet smelling flowers, and the peaceful songs of the wild birds, as I stared at the gentle water that flowed under the bridge, I realized something I never knew I missed the most, the soft kiss of the sun on your dark brown hair, or the way you smiled when I made you laugh, , the sun is setting now and the sun changes into moon as the sky darkens ,I glare at the moon and hope you are too, things don’t seem right when you're not by my side, Now I must say goodbye before the thoughts of you make me cry.
By: Trista Mcc

Answer 1

I think it starts out well, there is a good rythm to it, however after the line ending in green green grass, the poem, loses its rythm an it becomes prose, while the prose is nice it is not a poem, rewrok it from the grass part, keeping the rythm

Answer 2

Very descriptive, it goes straight to all the senses.... hear=sweet whisper of the wind, smell=sweet smelling flowers sight=look out to the wide open sea taste=sweet smelling flowers (you can pretty much taste that, the sweet part) touch=maybe the green grass .... maybe add more to this sense... Anyways it's really good

Answer 3

Hey, that poem is outstanding. I think that u r a common person like me, isn't it. Well, in case of that poem..... it's not seeming that a common person has written it- I'm not joking, it's tru. As I think u must print this article in any magazine u feel like, I think that u must b honoured 4 that. Also tell your friends about may b they like it.

Answer 4

I really appreciate you . Keep on , maybe you'll become a poet someday!!!

Answer 5

Mmmm........Good!

Answer 6

pretty goddamn good! kudos! send that somewhere that was good.

Answer 7

very good! :-)