Ive been going out with a guy for nearly 2 years, but Ive grown out of him. I dont want to hurt his feelings and really really want to remain friends with him. Hes a kind of "all or nothing guy" so Im frightened that if I dont stay with him in the relationship he wont be my friend (I dont have many as I moved away to be with him). He's extremely jealous and would say he cant be my friend because he couldnt handle seeing me with some one so would rather not know after the relationship. Help....
2006-10-12 23:49:22 · 8 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Grown out of him? This suggests that this has been on your mind for a while?
This may sound harsh. But put yourself in his place for a second; He really doesn't want to be with you but is too scared as to how you may take it. Also he is a bit concerned that he doesn't have many friends. So what he does is hang on to you for a while until he has decided how he can fair best out of the situation. If you were in his place you'd be mad wouldn't you?
I understand that it is daunting at the prospect of going it alone. But believe me it is not as bad as you think its going to be. You will make more friends because the interest will be there.
And have some confidence in this man. If he says he can't be friends, he probably means it. So give him some distance. He may get over it and in time you will speak again. He may not get over it and never speak to you again. He may get over it but still not want to speak to you. You can't always have an amicable separation and its you who wants to end it.
Take control of this situation quickly as it is not fair on either of you. Get a plan in place to tell him for certain and allow him all the space he needs. You may actually find that he is ok about the whole thing. If he doesn't handle it very well then let him deal with it in his own way.
Good luck!!
2006-10-13 00:05:31 · answer #1 · answered by tamara19 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just say to him 'Welcome to Dumpsville....Population - YOU!'
I'm just kidding! Seriously what I think you should do is DEFINATLY break up with him before it gets to the point where you hate him totally. Be truthful - it might be difficult, but it's not like you're seeing someone else. People outgrow each other and if he has any sense, he'll realise this is true. Tell him you definatly want to remain friends but that will be something you'll have to work at some time down the line. You can't go from full on relationship to 'just friends' and it'd be unfair on both of you to expect that. Usually in that kind of circumstance where you still see each other as 'friends' it leads to drunken sex that you'll totally regret and will give him false hope. Give it a few months without seeing each other at all, THEN work on a friendship. Think about his feelings - do you think it'd be fair make him keep seeing him as a friend when he still loves you? Seeing a lot of the person you'vre just dumped makes the whole thing harder (and messier) for both concerned.
Anyway, this is the tactic i've used and i've stayed friends with nearly all of my exes. My sister has too...
2006-10-13 00:05:37 · answer #2 · answered by Cheryl D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you've outgrown him. In what way? You seem to still care for him. If you've not done so already, why not have a good long heart-to-heart talk with him. If you still want to finish then finish.
Tell him you're sorry, you're fond of him and you'd like to be friends, but he has feelings too and if he doesn't want to see you you'll have to respect that. Give him some space, he'll need to get over things, but might end up your friend in time.
2006-10-13 00:01:41 · answer #3 · answered by Mad Professor 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you don't want to be with him i'm afraid you are going to have to risk losing his friendship but you have to be honest with him. if you respect him as much as you say you do then you have to tell him the truth and then accept the consequences no matter how sad.
2006-10-12 23:51:42 · answer #4 · answered by Empress 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get out there an make new friends just say hey its over brutal but honest.
2006-10-12 23:55:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone with a girl friend take one pace forward. No not you.
2006-10-12 23:52:09 · answer #6 · answered by Barbara Doll to you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk it over with him
2006-10-13 00:03:36 · answer #7 · answered by .:BeLLe:. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sky write it.
2006-10-12 23:58:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋