I told my mother this last night and she hit the roof and she is stillnot talking to me even though she has got her way, im taking the pill this morning!! she said that she wants me to have kids when she has time and when she has got more money and when she can buy it things and when she can spend time with it and that i wouldnt be able to cope and that my partner is forcing me into it and that if i get pregnant she will never speak to me again and im acting like an idiot and im a dissapointment, i caved in and followed her orders, i dont live with her, my parter and i have had a house built within my parents lands, we dont have loads of money and we do have bills to pay just like everyone else and we have thought the whole thing through. Do you think my mother is right or do you think i should stop following her orders, i always give in for a quiet life and not to upset anyone in the family, but am i right doing this or am i just stupid for paying attention to what she says?
2006-10-12 22:52:57 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
My parter is not a 19 yr old boy he is a 27 year old man!! and im in the UK so doing all the stupid things you can do in USA when your 21 i have done...i have had a very priviligied life and vistied lots of countries and expreinced some very good things and some awful things in my life
2006-10-12 23:26:42 · update #1
personally i can not see a right time in your life too have a baby cause ther is always going to be a reson for not having one! if you and your partner fell that your reeady for onr then go for it!!! why should it be up to your motheree what you do you 19 for petes sake!!! just go for it!!! I'm 19 and i would quiet happily have a baby???? ia lso think its a load of crock about you havin to be married before havin a baby whats marriage got to do wit it!! all that gives you is a ringa round your finger and most offten enough your boy friends sir name!!!! whats bein married going to do!! finacially screw you even more when you could of spent the money on gettin marreid on baby stuff!!
2006-10-12 22:57:20 · answer #1 · answered by hineycone1987 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it is a personal decision, when i was 19 i really wanted a baby with my "then" boyfriend, (not that i have had a lot of boyfriends) and now at 25 kids are the last thing on my mind as i have a life, i have a nice house, have a puppy and i like nice things, i suppose i have become selfish in the fact that. . . . . . it is more a case of i do not NEED a child in my life it would ruin my career and house and routine with my partner, who is 9 years older than me, but i still doesn't mean it is good to have kids!!! So think about what you want from life. All i am saying is maybe wait a bit longer, do you live with this guy, get some commitment from him?? When kids come along everything will change!!! And as for your mum well it is not her place to let you know when SHE is ready for you to have kids!!!!!!!!!! Good Luck whatever you deside to do!! xx
2006-10-13 02:49:06 · answer #2 · answered by Very Sexy Vixen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand about you wanting to have a child if you are in a committed relationship, but you must also remember that no matter how good it is sometimes it doesn't last, are you willing and able to raise this baby on your own. Your mum does sound a little bit selfish, and you are the only person who knows if she is being spiteful or offering you an opportunity for help in the future, trust me, your mother can be a great help. I do recommend that you try to be financially secure because you want this to be a joyful experience not a hardship. You are still young, so it is not as though you need to rush, though i would recommend having the baby before 30 years of age as the older you get the harder it is to conceive. Not sure what else to say except good luck.
2006-10-12 23:11:12 · answer #3 · answered by lozrav 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although I am abit older, 22. Me and my partner are in the same situation. We are due to get married in 18months but don't want to wait that long to have a baby.
Your mother should be supportive in everything you do, however my mum had me when she was 19 and although she does not regret having me, she wished she had waited just a few more years. Although 19 is a good age, your body and emotions are going to change so much while you are pregnant you and your partner need to know you can cope with that not just the little bundle that arrives at the end of it.
How long have you and your partner been together? We have been together for 5yrs but split up for a whole year and changed in ourselves, while we were apart we addapted to each others changes and decided to get back together. You may be 19 but you still have times where you will change and you and your partner may grow apart.
Good luck with whatever you do but remember this is between you and him and no-one else
xxx
2006-10-13 01:00:09 · answer #4 · answered by smudge 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are 19 years old.... you haven't even hit 21 yet. don't you want to beable to go out with your friends when youre 21 and do all the dumb things youre supposed to do at 21? You're only 19 years old and you have your whole life ahead of you, why would you really want to ruin the things you can do by having a child?? You really still are a child yourself. Do you feel you need to get pregnant because this will keep your boyfriend with you? If he loves you then you shouldn't have to get pregnant for him to stick around. When I was 19 I didn't even know what I wanted. Serious relationships here then I decided i didnt like that guy i wanted this guy. A lot can change in 9 months and I'll tell you what a baby changes everything... Especially for a 19 year old boy who may not know what is on the other said of having a kid.. Get married enjoy each other and get to know each other first. Don't you want to be alone with your new husband without your kids running around? The first year of marriage isn't like the first year of dating. You start all over in the honeymoon stage. My sister had kids at 16 until she was 21 yeah she has 5 kids... When I told her I was pregnant she said, you're 24 you should have waited longer. She loves her kids, but shes still a kid herself in a way because she had kids when she was a kid. You need to think for yourself and how having kids is going to change YOUR life not your mothers.
2006-10-12 23:12:40 · answer #5 · answered by Rinne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think 19 is too young to have a baby. How long have you been with your boyfriend?
People change a lot from 19 to mid 20's- you may feel that you have done a lot in your life and are ready for this but why not live a little (more) first? What's the big rush?
Save up together, enjoy holidays together (that ain't gonna be easy when a baby comes along), and just enjoy being a couple for the time being.
2006-10-13 02:58:12 · answer #6 · answered by trixi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi, (by the way i'm 19 yrs old and i have a baby who is 14 months old now. i got pregnant when i was 17 - after i got married.)
i think it has to ultimately be your decision here, but look at the facts first. if your bf wants a baby too, why not get engaged or married first, this will show your mum that you are really serious about this relationship & commited to one another (as u prob know, young mums do have a kind of stigma attached to them that boyfriends usually bolt out the door when the baby arrives etc). i dont think ur mum is trying to be mean, its just that she cares about u and doesnt wanna c u get hurt. maybe she doesnt want you to take on such a huge responsability for your age, although u do sound really mature for your age, a baby is not that easy to cope with when its ill and crying all night & your family are not supportive and the babys dad is out at work or left. ur social life will suffer and money will prob be tight for a while. on the plus side, you will have a baby you can give so much love to, and if the age gap between parent and child is small, they usually grow up to have a really close bond. you are the only one who can weigh up the pros and cons in the best way, at the end of the day its ur life not hers, but if anything goes wrong in ur relationship or financially or whatever, dont expect to lean on her shoulder and make her fix everything at this point in time. try explaining to your mum in a firm mature manner the reasons why you need to have a baby now, and talk about how u will be able to afford one, and try talking to your boyfriend and his parents, they may have a different view to your mums one.
2006-10-12 23:10:44 · answer #7 · answered by katie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think 19 years old is too young to have a baby. Period. A baby is a huge responsibility and basically, once the baby is there - you are "stuck". Yes, you can find a job, yes, you may be able to go back to college, but it is extra hard as you still have this huge responsibility. A 19 year old should be in school and hanging with friends and going on vacations with friends, And that's what you should do for at least the next 5 years. Then, if you are still with the man (and married) have babies.
2006-10-12 23:44:13 · answer #8 · answered by Lioness 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All your mom wants is to be there for you and help you out as a new mom which is great because that means you get breaks here and there, and you will need help for a few weeks till you get back and your feet. But you also need to do what you want. If you don't think financially you can right now then wait, and get all your bills and everything else in order first. You are still really young and have many years ahead of you to have a baby. But I can only tell you is to follow your heart.
2006-10-12 22:58:11 · answer #9 · answered by medevilqueen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A child at 19..... you must be mad, wait till your in your late 20's then you can have a life for yourself first, belive me you will look back later and be glad you did. If you have one now part of you will always resent the fact that you did not have the freedom when you were young. A child will tie you down far more than you think, you will be mentally, in a far better state when you are a little older and be able to enjoy you child more! Also at 19 the chances of your relationship lasting for very long are low, do you want your child to live with only one parent? ......... just wait a little longer.
2006-10-12 23:16:57 · answer #10 · answered by Robert B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your mother is just worried that you wont be able to cope, i was pregnant at twenty one and my mum and dad thought that it was the worst possible thing that could happen to a young girl, having a child is a huge learning curve, i can honestly say that it was the best thing that ever happened to me i wouldnt change it for the world, i have a wonerful three year old daughter and she is a bit of a handful but worth it. Think things through a little more, motherhood is a big sacrifice to your personal life but if you think you are ready for that step in your life, do it. Your mother will come around
2006-10-12 23:05:11 · answer #11 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋