we have two children under 3 and i felt like a robot every day doing everything.there was no time for me,how could i feel like a sex godess?his feelings for me have not changed he has always loved me and wanted me.unfortunately i became hollow and i just felt that everyone wanted something from me.i told him that i didnt want him,however didnt mean in the sense that he thought and i guess that is where our relationship fell flat.i found out a few months ago that he had cheated on me,i understand what happened and in a strange way it was the best thing that happened to me.the problem is how do you trust someone you love dearly and i know that he loves me too.
2006-10-12 22:49:08 · 39 answers · asked by debster 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your problem was that you forgot about you and your needs. You both need to make sure that you two come first then the kids and the problems of everyday life after. Remember the little things that you or he did that made you both fall in love when it was new and exciting.
2006-10-12 22:55:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, this is a tricky one. firstly, totally understand how you feel. once children are here and basically the woman does do everything and it's a tiring job which does leave the woman with very little nrg for anything else. I think the thing to remember is that he didn't cheat 'just because' he wanted to and I'm not saying that it is ok for what he did but you do understand why it happened. In this case it would be lovely to think it has helped even if you talk more and try and understand each other more. you're both humans not robots so maybe some life changes are needed. perhaps he can help out more with family stuff which will allow more quality time for you both as a couple. give it another chance. it's better to regret doing something which maybe hasn't worked out as you hoped than to regret not doing something and always wondering 'what if'.
2006-10-12 22:58:09 · answer #2 · answered by Lily 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm slightly confused.... You're telling me that you were stressed and feeling low about yourself & your husband cheated??
My god woman, wake up. If you don't have respect for yourself then how can you expect any one else to? I mean I really don't care what excuses you make for him - He cheated.
You say you have kids. What would you do if one of their partners cheated on them? Be very careful because there is more than just you to concider. What ever chopice you make is going to dramatically affect the lives of your childern.
You say you love him which I totally understand and sympathise withyou on that fact. But after that your on your own. I too have 3 smal kids all very close in age. I know what it feels like to think that you only exsist to be a slave to their demands. I've been there, kinda still am but the only person able to stop this feeling id you. I started my own business from home. Nothing fancy just something I enjoy.
Tell her husband he is a fool an d doesn't deserve what he's got. You will feel much beteer for standing up for yourself. Hoe are your kids going to learn if you don't show them??
He had his chance and he blew it big time. If you try to trust him but it doesn't come easily then you will cause more damage to you & your kids. Quit now save some heartache. Be under no illusion he was and is wrong.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
2006-10-12 23:19:23 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not saying that I agree with what he did but you have to understand that you did drive him to it. The reason why I am saying this is because you were driving him away from you even though you did not mean too. If you would have talked to him and explained what was bothering you then I truly believe that he would have understood and felt more secure in the relationship that the two of you have. But by keeping it bottled up inside of yourself you only made him feel like he was unworthy to you in every way. Yes I feel that instead of him going off and having an affair he should have sat and talked with you and ask you what was wrong.It takes to to make a relationship work and it also takes two to screw it up. If the two of you truly love one another then you guys should be able to discuss this and come to a conclusion on what the two of you truly want.
Good Luck!
2006-10-13 06:42:13 · answer #4 · answered by bigred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The joys of motherhood! Women are expected to be superwomen - bring up kids and be sexy and romantic for hubbie. Women have the raw side of the deal. If he had supported you with the huge burden of two kids close together which he made too! then you wouldn't be so exhausted. Typical selfish man then goes off and screws someone else. Shame he didn't talk to you before giving in to temptation which has now serious damage to your relationship.
You both need serious talking, mutual commitment and time away from the little ones if you are to rekindle your true love for each other.
best of luck.
2006-10-13 05:59:49 · answer #5 · answered by Isabelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard when you have kids.Try and set some time for the two of you.Talk things out find what you two can do together other then sex.Explain to him what you gust told us on here.If he is a real man he will understand.Know if he is not a real man He will not understand at all.So loose the guy and try and start over because it wont be worth sating with him by getting hurt all the time.Is It?
2006-10-12 22:58:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately for you, you're in the same situation my wife was in about 14 years ago. We had two young children and because she was busy with them all the time, we never had any quality time together. At the time I was also studying for a degree at night classes and got involved with a younger female student for a few months. It wasn't particularly sexual - just me getting her naked and either rushing it or just satisfying myself - but it was exciting and I nearly gave up everything for her.
I confessed, my wife sort of forgave me and we're still together. I wouldn't say our relationship prospered after the affair though, and maybe one day I'll cheat again - but that's just me.
Your husband sounds like he loves you and only cheated because "you became hollow" ... He might not do it again but your trust for him will take a long time to recover. You'll have to try really hard and not bring it up every time you have even the slightest argument. If you do, you'll make him resentful and that will harm your relationship again.
Just try to forgive and forget ... and make him feel loved - but he should also make you feel loved too!
2006-10-12 22:57:33 · answer #7 · answered by Marinersfan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I know how you feel, I had 5 kids in ten years and felt completely exhausted and isolated most of the time, he had sex elsewhere and when I found I tried to forgive but I couldn't. I am now with a new partner and he is so considerate and loving whenever I need it. Tell him how you feel and ask him for a little help and consideration, hopefully he will understand
2006-10-12 22:58:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will trust him again, i have been in the same position and i did trust again a few years down the line for me but everyone is different for everyone, try getting relationship counselling this will really help and if you love him than make a really go off it, love is hard to fine.Good luck x
2006-10-12 23:00:43 · answer #9 · answered by sexyass 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can u say it was the best thing that happened to u and asking how to trust him again all in one sentence? Cheating is NEVER okay. What does that say about his commitment to u? The truth is...it's going to take a long time for u to rebuild that trust and that's only IF he is willing to help u rebuild it in the first place.
2006-10-12 22:54:03 · answer #10 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋