why do i get so angry and upset when i am let down?

Question

When things do not go according to plan, eg; i have recently booked a flight at a flying time convenient to me but have had the time changed by the airline to later which means we get to the destination at night rather than late afternoon, why does it really upset me but only slightly disappoint my partner

Answer 1

Different people react differently to things. For example if my friend is late and doesn' tell me, I get really annoyed where as she doesn't see it as a big deal. Another example is when I am running late cos of transport etc, I worry that it will mess up my day but I know others don't get as stressed about these sort of things. I know that it is hard, but when something goes wrong, take a deep breath, count to ten and understand that you can't change it so there is no point in getting stressed. Good luck.

Answer 2

How we deal with disappointment and/or change is a sign of our level of maturity. Children typically react very negatively when they don't get what they want, when they want it, and adults are the same way unless their maturity level is higher. This is not meant to denigrate you - it simply means that you need to relax and understand that MOST things in our lives are out of our control, and learning to deal with things over which we have no control (like the change of an airline schedule) can make our lives much more pleasant. I used to feel like you do, but made a consicous effort to change and I can assure you, I'm a LOT happier now. I took a trip to New York last summer, and the return trip was a nightmare. The plane had radio trouble and we sat on the ground for a LONG time before another plane landed, and we were all moved to the other plane. We were supposed to land in Las Vegas before midnight, and we got in just before 4:00. No point in getting upset - it wouldn't have hurt anyone but ME - so I rolled along with it. Just make some positive decisions and you'll be a lot happier.

Answer 3

You are almost very close to the answer... in many ways !
It is your partner.... reasonably close.
You have identified a less affected person... a close example.
You have isolated the logical reasons, and yet accept that there is something unresolved within.. a close reach to the source of the problem... !
The intuitional aspect of the mind rushes to assign targets which are a bit unrealistic , in the sense, it REFUSES to accept the logical possibilities of external situations that can throw all planning and meticulous efforts to plug the possible loopholes of non-happening an event in a way planned !....... In a simple way this is called desires and expectations ...! When there is a mis-match of the situation with a desired result, the emotion tends to dominate, and refuses to respond to even logic.
A trick that this emotion plays is that it creates a logic thus .. " why can't I even expect these simple things to happen as planned ?" ! A beautiful excuse for the intuitional aspect of our mind to let loose the negative emotional outburst !

Answer 4

It sounds if you are like me. You put to much faith and trust in people or organisations to do things for you. You also want to do the best by your partner which is natural.

The main reason why your partner does not get so upset is probably because your partner has not put in the time, and effort to get it done.

I don't really get upset if an airline lets me down. I only get upset if someone I have been very kind to when they need help, doesn't give me the help or support back when I ask them for help.

Answer 5

Good Morning. Maybe it`s because you have set your sights to high? we all love it when everything is on time with no problems 21st century & there are certain things which just don`t seem to go well even, Scheduled flights have problems accept this as a norm, enjoy your holiday & try & look at it from their prospective,calm down,good you have a partner who is aware of yours feelings in matters such as these things.

Answer 6

Getting upset about something you have no control over is wasting energy... Worry about hthings you can do something about- Ask yourself when you feel upset this first... "What am I going to do about this? or What can I do to make this easier to deal with?"

Your partner must know you well and figures you are stressed enough for the both of you!


Pick your battles! make them worthy of your time and remember-

MAny times you can't do anything about something the only thing YOU control is your reaction to them!

Answer 7

Dr Burns in his "10 days to Great Self Esteem" talks about the emotional power behind "should statements" and considers this a thought distortion.

For example, "that train SHOULD have been on time," "I SHOULD have known better" or "he SHOULDN'T have done that".

He proposes less emotionally charged statements such as "it would be preferable if the train was on time,". Its too much to write here, but you have to consult his book to see how to change the way of thinking.

Answer 8

I would guess that you always do your best and come up trumps when delivering what you promise, so it is maybe difficult to understand others inconsistencies.
your partner has my attitude which is , if you can't do anything to change circumstances you need to make the most of it. maybe the partner is thinking that arriving at night is romantic .nothing nicer then going away and getting to test the bed springs out.

Answer 9

Frustration acts different with different people. I'm like you, i get totally 'out of it' with anger at others messing with my plans!..
..It's something you are going to have to deal with. I tend, now anyway, to try and calm down and not let 'others' try and dictate their terms to me. But, sometimes things are unavoidable and you have to go with the flow.
Try not to worry too much or at least try and look for the good parts in the 'change'.

Answer 10

bet ur one of these poeple who does everything for everybody but whenits ur turn for when u need something or plan something, people say no and plans go wrong! Its a pain in the rear end but theres not a lot u can do about it. Just relax and think "stuff em"! gets me mad too