we're married for 12 years, we have 3 kids. no doubt in my mind that i really love him but the thing is i feel miserable. he go out, god knows where, almost every night with friends. last saturday he went home at 6am from one of his night-outs. when asked about it, he said that he never noticed the time because he's in the casino. he had a fit because i said, 'what if i do the same thing w/ you, what would you feel?'. he said, there is no comparison coz we're not on the same situation, something about him being a man. i think he's alcoholic and compulsive gambler and he wouldn't admit it. he's a good provider though. i want way out but can't seem to have the courage to do so because i don't have a job. and i think i can't raise my children all by myself. i am so unhappy. i never felt loved by him.
2006-10-12 20:18:49 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well.
for the welfare of your kids.
you just have to sacrifice your happiness for their happiness if you love them.
stay with him unless he cheats on you.
=)
2006-10-12 20:21:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you know that you still really love him, I feel you should try and find a medium in it somewhere. It's not about being affraid to leave because you can always go out and get a job to support your childrean. There are alot of single parents out there and they are doing just fine. The two of you have a history, and with that many years comes good and bad so, I feel depending on how long this has been going on you should try and make your marriage work. But, if there is nothing more you can do, and your burnt out to the point you have given all of yourself and have nothing left to give yourself or the childrean, then leave even if it means only for a little while to show him what's more important.
2006-10-13 03:38:24 · answer #2 · answered by LaToya K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
alcoholic and compulsive gambler .staying out for nights . yes i put up with that . for 16 years . let me tell you . I'm sure you all ready know, there are pretty little girls at the casinos . mix that with a few drinks . and with a few Buddy's , and see what you get . that's the reason they don't come home . if you are unhappy . get out now . hes a good provider , that's a good thing . make sure you bring that up in the divorce .
2006-10-13 03:49:59 · answer #3 · answered by tia c 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you got it tough, hon.
maybe start looking for a job? save you some money in case you decide to leave then you can get on your feet. but when you said you really love him, if you want it to work, take counseling for the sake of your marriage, kids and love. if it's imposibble with him since he has a bad temper, pray about it a lot until it happens. get some people to help you to pray about your problem about your husband too. prayer works. believe me, i've had it worse, but prayer helped me and still is. i'll help you pray.
goodluck.
if you leave him and he changed and had a wife and better life, you'll probably regret that you left him.
if you leave him, then realized that he really loved you but it's too late to go back, you might regret it. a lot of ifs. guys can be selfish- a lot! even though they love their wives.
more suggestion... why not go out with him one night when he goes so you can both have fun? fix yourself up everyday. offer some massage when he gets home from work and act like you're interested in how his day was and so on... if he likes to talk, this is good opportunity. sometimes repeat some things he just said to make him think you're really listening even if it's not that interesting... once he gets used to good treatment, turn the table around or don't give it without conditions.
2006-10-13 03:26:33 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs. JSV 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a nightmare?? For you and the kids get some self worth and walk away from this nightmare. He will have to pay spousal support and child support. you can get a little job.
Do you really want him as an example of a man/father for your kids?
When you are out of it you will look back and wonder how you lasted so long.
We all have had someone in our lives that we love but can't stay with.
Call around and find an alanon group. that saved my life and sanity.
2006-10-13 04:14:24 · answer #5 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if you Think he is alcoholic, he is. If you Think he has a gambling prob. he does, and you know it, OK? If he doesn't get sober, your life and the kids' future will be a disaster. The behavior you describe is exactly what alcoholics do. Exactly. Don't wait for him to change this stuff, he won't. Can't. Needs to do something to help himself, if not, run like Hell! I mean it. I know what I'm talking about. Listen to ClC, and remember, you might be afraid to go out on your own (just for a while) but think about how scary it will be to stay!!! If you can't do it for yourself, do it for the kids, but DO IT. My wife left 22 yrs. ago, with kids, and it was the best thing that ever happened for all of us. We all got better. I'm a retired drunk, 22 yrs. sober
2006-10-13 04:08:51 · answer #6 · answered by Raptor 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him it's counseling or it's over. It's time for that. Being a man does not mean you can stay out all night. Women have the same needs as men, but you are at home, not out and about. You need to think of yourself and if you are not happy, something has to change.
2006-10-13 03:49:52 · answer #7 · answered by Maggie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seems like you are dependent on your husband. That's unfortunate.
Anyways, if you feel like you can't deal with it anymore you need to work your way out of the dependent trap. Men have a habit of taking advantage of there spouse when they know you're dependent on them. He controls the relationship because he has the leverage.
It may take some time, but get a job. Become a little more independent and not only will you be able to get out of your situation, but you'd be surprised how much your husbands attitude will change.
At first he won't like it, he may try not to allow it, but in the end you will be able to command more respect, because you are now in a position where you don't need him.
Work on it...
Best of luck,
Drew Bryant
2006-10-13 03:28:52 · answer #8 · answered by drew.bryant 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
start planning right now for your furture.Start saving money a little at a time somehow.When you get enough to rent your own place or make arrangements to move in with a friend and rent out a room or get a job maybe if you can.Just start thinking about what you can do to have a back up plan for yourself and the kids.Dont tell him or anyone else about your plan ok?????????All women should not be soley dependent on there husbands because then your trapped.
2006-10-13 08:36:31 · answer #9 · answered by prettywomen512 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
put a stop to his nights going out, he is a husband and father & his place after work is home with you and the kids. He is not a teenager anymore, if he wants to go out once in a while with friend then let him. but at a reasonable hour not he comes strolling in at 6am. I wouldn't stand for that. Sounds like you need counceling. You need to stop catering to your husband, stand up for yourself, he is clearly outta control and hunny it will get worse off for you and these kids if you dont stop it now.
2006-10-13 03:54:59 · answer #10 · answered by MTE 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
those 3 kids didn't come mail order ... dont generalize, stick to the issue ... he works all day and you dont work outside the home. you feel unrewarded and unfulfilled because you dont get "paid" and he gets to go uot and play while you are stuck at home with the kids ... here is a clue... bundle up the kids and go along with him .. marriage is a partnership, so partner up with him and take the family along. he will soon figure out that you need to be rewarded for caretaking the kids and the home and maybe even become involved as a parent to his kids. good luck
2006-10-13 03:42:55 · answer #11 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋