custody worries?

Question

Hi guys, i am very worried that my ex is going to win the custody of our children who always lived with me. now the children and I are living in UK and the children are ward of court.. which means we can not take them out of the country. I want to run out of here and start a life somewhere else far from this man. will I be risking prison if I move out of UK with my children, will the authorities look all over for me until they find me and the children? the thing is if this man win the custody I will die I think I will just kill myself loosing my kids who are 11 and 6yrs old and always lived with me.

thank you guys for ur time

Answer 1

Please don't kill yourself. Just pray to God and everything will go in effect.

Answer 2

I don't think you're telling the whole story here, why are the children a ward of Court?
generally in the UK the Courts will nearly always come to the conclusion that children are better off with their mother, especially if that's where they have lived up until now.
There are of course exceptions, if the father can prove that the mother is unfit etc....which leads me back to my question, why are the children a ward of Court, what has happened in the past?

I'm no lawyer but as I've said, the Court will nearly always award residency to the mother.

Answer 3

If you run off with your kids you can and will be arrested for abduction even though they are your children.Why is your ex applying for custody have you given him any concerns about the way that you are raising the children?If not then do not worry, I hope you have a solicitor,it will take many months to sort this out but in the end he will probably just get access.My ex did the same to me when my children where young and I felt the same as you but in the end my ex didn't even get contact as he was violent in the relationship,you will have to tell your solicitor what kind of of a man he is and if it means bending the truth then do it

Answer 4

Firstly, no one wins anything and unless you take a step back and take a deep breath not only will you all lose, it will define yours and your children’s futures - please don't let that happen.

Your children are not yours or his, neither of you own them. Your roles are to guide them and in part by setting positive examples by the way you conduct your own lives. Running away from situations, fighting and irrational behaviour is not the way to go.

Be strong, be calm, be rational, be realistic and above all put yours and your partners selfish wants and needs to one side now and think about your children and their needs. You have 11 year old right (?) so entering important times in their education - their focus needs to be at school and not the latest fight or their parents unhappiness or where and who they might be living with next month, or being dragged into the arguments themselves where they are expected to take the role of friend, listener and consoler. You also have a 6-year-old...have you never heard the saying 'show me the 8 year old boy and I will show you the man they will become' (?). Whether your 6-year-old is a little boy or little girl - what is happening now in their little lives with shape and influence them forever. So, ripping the away, running away, you leave he leaves - it all ends in one way for your children (if not yourselves too) very badly.

The only way forward is to be wonderful parents this can only be achieved by putting their needs first not yours and your partners. Both of you need to sit down, sort this out no matter how long it takes and how much arguing and fighting, nothing changes fundamentally for your children until then. And then...TOGETHER sit down with your wonderful children who you both love dearly and explain what Mummy and Daddy have decided 'together'...changes for the best...answer their questions 'together' backing each other up 'together' and then tell them that no matter how big this change is, you are all going to make it work and are always going to be there for them, no matter what happens along the way. Excluding your own selfish emotional needs is what being a good parent is all about and if you and your partner can do this, find the strength to really do this and make it work then you will no longer need to tell your children how much you both love them - they will know.

If I have come across arrogant or condescending in this reply, I apologies, that is not my intention and this reply is not just aimed at you but your partner too. I do not know the details of your actual circumstances but whatever they may be, this advice would never alter - the only part that may need to alter is the strength of your resolve.

Sincerely

Kaizen

Answer 5

Saying things like you'll kill yourself if you don't get custody really won't help your case! Children need well balanced parents.
I've been through this, and the courts will decide based on whats best for the kids. So all you can do is show that you'll be their best option, by keeping it together, showing that you can supply a stable and loving home. DON'T take them out of the country! The authorities don't look favourably on such things, and yes, they will hunt you down!

Answer 6

Good luck. Does your ex have a better case than you. If you know you are a good mother and can take care of your children, financially and emotionally, let the court know. The best thing you can do for yourself and the kids is stay in the country, running is kidnapping, and if found, you won't see your kids. But if you have always been the primary care giver, the healer of all aches and pains, the one who cooks and cleans, and you have people that can back that up, you have a good chance. But if you have made mistakes in the past, don't try and hide them, cuz your ex will use it against you, instead, show the courts that you have changed, how you have improved your life.

Answer 7

he will have to file where the child lives do not worrie to much about it until you recive papers if you want go to the court house like once a week and check to see if anything has been filed. in most states a child of the age of twelve can choose the parent and in some cases the judge will talk to a child younger then that. If i were you I would go to the law libiary attorneys go there and you can get advice that might ease your mind or cantact an attorney many will dive you the first meeting for free. eight years is a long time to go without seeing his child I highly doubt a judge will give him custody but you will need to bring that out in court, if he does file hit him hard with everything you can back due child support and anythig else your attorney says to hit him with.

Answer 8

Well, just let me tell you I filed for divorce in Colorado and received it also along with my young children.. I had Sole Custody of them moved to California,"Legal" I raised both kids on my own worked part time for 9 years. Child support was spuratic, the kids would visit their father, (visitation is the law) he lives in florida.. My kids are now 13 and 15,, Now that the ex is sober with a good job.. he did not return my kids,(their choice too) and I lost custody.. Due to untrue and I mean untrue accusations.. Supposably I have "Joint Custody".. It hurts to bad They have been there since July, All I have ever known is to take care of my kids and work... I went to visit in Sept. but still can not get over my hurt... My heart is so broken... I'd rather stop breathing then, to spell the roses.. So I know what it is like, I do not wish this on anyone.... I hope my heart grows stronger with time... I know this was no help at all... But I do feel your pain.

Answer 9

You will always be tied to this man because of your children. That's the way it is. I don't know why you're in this situation but you have to prove that you're a good parent who puts their child and their needs first.
And their needs are that they are secure, emotionally, financially and socially. This is your responsibility as a parent, and it is your exs too.
If the worst comes to the worst, please don't give up. You can move near them and visit them often. This is what I've always decided if anything like that should happen to me. I'd get a flat down the road and they would visit me whenever they wanted to. Life is hard, but it is even more hard for the kids.
Take care of yourself ... and your children. Life is never as we planned it, it just changes. If anything happened to you, your children would lose a mother. And no one can replace a loving mother.

Answer 10

You don't say why the children have been made a Ward of Court, but threatening to kill yourself is not exactly the mind of a stable person is it.
Get yourself a good Solicitor and do not make threats about taking your own life - think about the children. As long as their father has not been violent or abusive they have a right to see him and he them.

Answer 11

I think that, unless the mother is a real danger to her children, the legal system favours her. So are you inclined to bring home and and sleep with strange men? No? Are you a regular drug taker? Do you drink a lot of alcohol? No to both of these? Do you engage in prostitution? No?

I'd say you're alright so. Stay calm, cool and mature, listen to your solicitor, and all will be well. I'm not going to wish you good luck because I don't think you need it. :-)