I am in a long term relationship like 9 yrs. We met in colloege and now live together. I love my current girl to death. Everything is right about her that you want in a potential life partner, educated, she has passion and drive, extremely beautiful, my family loves her. However, we as men always have wishes, I wish she was taller, slightly slimmer (she is 5-3 110) less controlling. I have recently met a girl that is more of my wishes and is extremely fun, however she has no drive, never finish school, however she is more beautiful than my current girl of 9 yrs. Any recommendations? I know this is slightly cheating, the other and I have had dinner a few times and held hands, there is an attraction there. The other also knows about the current.
2006-10-12 19:43:27 · 10 answers · asked by Confused Prince 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
here's a recomendation - grow up!
1 - you will never find anyone who is perfect. there will always be something you wish you could change about someone. if you love her to death, get over the fact that she isn't perfect. no one is, and frankly, right now you don't sound like much of a catch.
2 - there is no such thing as slightly cheating. if you are dating this other woman, you are cheating. period.
3 - so this other girl is more beautiful than your extremely beautiful current girl. so what? there are plenty of other more beautiful women out there, and a relationship that has been going on for 9 years better have more going for it than looks. there are also plenty of more handsome men than you, i assure you. how would you like your relationship to end because SHE found someone more beautiful?
sometimes i swear men have no sense of perpective. you can and will feel attracted to others sometimes, but that doesn't mean you have to act on it. just because you see something that looks a bit more attractive in a certain light doesn't mean you have to drop the real thing to go chasing after some fantasy. the fact that you're even considering it in the same breath you're using to tell us your current girlfriend is basically perfect for you is very telling. i may drool as i look at pictures of some sexy pop star, but that doesn't mean i'll check my feelings for someone else at the door if the opportunity pops up to date the star.
if you truly love the woman you're living with, stop seeing the other one, and consider yourself lucky you didn't sleep with her. pretend it never happened.
2006-10-12 20:00:36 · answer #1 · answered by gwenwifar 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
about 13 yrs. ago I was married to a pretty good guy who worked hard and did the whole family thing but I was bored and unfullfilled. I met another man who I was incredibly attracted to and just KNEW he was what I wanted. He had the same qualities (or lack therof) as your "other". He was not driven and really had no plan for his life but at the time it was really exciting and full of adventure. I had an affair with this man and ultiatley left my husband to be with him. I guess I figured the new guy would grow up eventually and change. I married that man 12 yrs. ago and we now have 4 wonderful children. And guess what?, he NEVER grew up, he never became driven and for the past 12 yrs. I have singlehandedly supported a 6 person household and the bum doesn't do a damn thing that could be considered productive!!! My life is totally miserable because I chose attraction over the truly important qualities! I am still incredibly attracted to this man but that only makes me happy for about 15 minutes a day! Crazy isn't it? Have you considered that neither one of these women are for you? The right one will have a balance of all the right elements. People do not change without the will to change and those who have no drive of their own have absolutley no problem going for a ride with someone who will make all the sacrafices for the trip. My advice would be to be honest with your current about your reservations regarding a future together and then distance yourself some until you can really be clear about your feelings for her. In regards to the "other", either use her temporarily so you can experience what you want from her and then be done,or run the other way completley!!!!
2006-10-13 03:18:19 · answer #2 · answered by kat c 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You, my friend, want to have your cake and eat it too, as people like to say. You want to sow your oats. Whatever. You are probably going to be losing a really good thing when you give up your current girlfriend, but you can't know that for sure until you give her up and try it out with someone new, right? You need to scratch that itch.
Here's the thing. That itch is going to look like an really asshole thing to do as far as your current girlfriend is concerned. She's spent 9 years with you, building a life... probably was expecting to be married or something. Your bailing on her won't be viewed as a small thing, most likely.
Here's the question you need to ask: Is this itch of yours worth scratching? If you don't scratch it, will it just get worse and worse?
OR - will you be losing the love of your life if you do scratch it? Because I guarantee you will lose the love you and your current girlfriend have if you let this new relationship go any farther, even if you don't tell the current girlfriend about the girl on the side (who BTW, is kind of a b*tch for being ok with this arrangement). You will lose your current love because it will be supplanted by the fling you have with the other girl. You will have sacrificed it for your fling. The time and energy that you would have and should have spent on your current girlfriend will instead be put towards the fling.
SO - are you ready to dump the current girl? If so, go for it. If no, keep away, grow up, grow some balls, be a man.
2006-10-13 02:54:14 · answer #3 · answered by starlet_8 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can only say how I would feel if i was that girlfriend for 9 years and my boyfriend would be going around with some other girl because she is many things that i cannot be: taller, in his eyes more beautiful and something that i could easily be (slightly slimmer!) and I knew that he is thinking the things you are thinking: extremely hurt!
You are stealing good energy and the best times from your girlfriend and you know it. The admiration and the novelty go to the other one.
If you cannot empathize with your current girlfriend, I do not understand how you can say you "love her to death" just because of your fantasies or "wishes". You are just not being very fair or very nice, and if she was your sister or your friend, would you like a guy to treat her like you are treating her?
If you really have feelings for the other girl you should just do the honest thing and break up with your girlfriend and give her the opportunity to meet someone that will be loyal with her.
2006-10-13 03:05:17 · answer #4 · answered by tokialai 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have already committed to the other side so now do the right thing and tell you long term girl she has been replaced by a new model, because your wishes are not being fulfilled by her, of course you are the perfect person, and always right
2006-10-13 02:49:18 · answer #5 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In India we do like this.
give your thumb finger to one girl.
give your fore finger to the next.
( this must be in your mind only)
ask a little girl to show any one finger.
if she puts up the thumb.
that is the girl.
if she puts upfore finger.
that is the girl
any other finger reject both
you have a better one waiting for you.
Good Luck.
2006-10-13 02:52:43 · answer #6 · answered by SKG R 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You lay with dogs you are going to get flees. Quit sniffing this girl.
2006-10-13 02:47:18 · answer #7 · answered by LadyRedWild 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when u re in love with a woman u re blind towards other women. u re obviously not blind. so i say why waste your life? go for another girl, explore the world
2006-10-13 02:47:15 · answer #8 · answered by jacky 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
MOVE ON OBVIOUSLY SHES NOT THE ONE IF YOUR EYES ARE ROAMING. SHE DESERVES TO KNOW . WHEN YOU TRULY LOVE SOMEOME YOU OVERLOOK THEIR FLAWS.THEY ARE PERFECT IN YOUR EYES.YOUR FAMILY ISNT DATING HER SO DOES IT REALLY MATTER IF THEY LIKE HER OR NOT?BE HAPPY LIFE IS TOO SHORT.
2006-10-13 02:53:17 · answer #9 · answered by Kat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do your live in a favor and leave her so she can meet someone sincere.
2006-10-13 02:55:31 · answer #10 · answered by saturn 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋