Am I a good poet or not??? Feedback is welcome.?

Question

Love Poem

Thy hair, thy lips, thy beauteous face,
and all thy studied female grace,
have won for thee a far off place,
within this broken breast.

Answer 1

interesting.....like the juxtaposition of non-sequitor rhyme at the end...the symbology relates to finding love after hearbreak...

reminds me of something....similar to either some of Shakespear's works or the Song of Soloman...both relating to similar themes and written in similar style....

keep writing...shows a lot of potential

Answer 2

I think that everyone is right in that you need to replace the thy and thee in the poem, its not common language anymore so why are you using it, it makes the writing look phony; like you are trying to spiff it up bc you dont think your words say enough. I like the idea of what you are trying to say, and I have to disagree with most here and say that I like the last line, in fact it is what i like most of all and that the last line dosent rhyme. But the rhythms earlier come to easy at the end and the words are too easy, try making a rhyme in the poem and putting the rhyme in the middle of the sentence; just play around with the words. There are so many poems about falling for the one with the beauty and grace, try something different like the faults and still winning over the beast.

Answer 3

Your poem took me lower back to a think approximately time whilst i become 18 as you're actually and become interpreting partial differential equations at college. It become there that I first encountered the hydrodynamic equations that underlie the numerous fields you point out; for shame sir, you forgot to show meteorological modeling! LOL Your poem is chock crammed with names regularly occurring to me and different scientifically-knowledgeable readers of poetry, yet may be misplaced on others; it stands the two as a ask your self-fed tribute to those seminal figures and a catalog of the numerous procedures that the sphere of fluid mechanics underlies issues as curiously diverse as aerodynamics ('the stress of the air / that may propel an plane') and hemodynamics ('bio-bluids'). What occurs too oftentimes as quickly as we write a poem like it quite is that we finally end up cataloging and not using those wonders metaphorically. There seems to be like entirely too lots itemizing right here and that takes the emphasis off making meaning poetically. I additionally understand that from attempting to place in writing poems with clinical phrases and names I conflict with meter; darn 'em, why could no longer all of them have had iambic names, I ask you? LOL in case you remodel this, why no longer concentration on one organic phenomenon and enable your clinical diction talk obliquely to the super divide between our rapturous ask your self on the understand of the organic worldwide and the chilly, perplexing worldwide of differential equations we use to embody it, which satirically pushes us removed from that rapturous ask your self on the same time as we come to a greater mechanistically exacting awareness of its nuances. Your poem could be an oblique meditation interior the spirit of Walt Whitman's 'as quickly as I Heard the learn'd Astronomer.' think of it over... oh, and characteristic a stunning day for each little thing is high-quality right here, as i'm hoping it quite is there.

Answer 4

ok, but this is not 16th century england and you are not shakespeare. drink some cheap bear (forget the mead) put some 50 Cent on the stereo, go to a bar. (don't buy a mandolin). At least get in to this century via..say...ee cummings, or...your poetry sucks.

Answer 5

The repetition is a way to say something and that it'll be more strong. It's remember me a lot of poetry, it's very casual, it's good but u can be better. I like the beginning.

Answer 6

I don't mind the rime, it is fine, but your style is pretentious. It looks fake, I mean why use thy and thee? Is that how you think or talk? And the content is slightly banal.

Answer 7

it was awsome till the last line

innstead of the last line put:
i feel the need to fill thy empty space

=) get it?

Answer 8

It sounds like u are praising someone that left your heart broken

Answer 9

whats with all the "thy"s?

you suck right now. doesn't mean you can't work on your art and be better or the best, but right now you suck.

Answer 10

breast doesn't rhyme with any of the others

your rhyming pattern goes:
A
A
A
B

Its not that your a bad poet, just edit your poem, and thats just my opinion too