My husband blames me for the failure of our marriage. I was the breadwinner for a long time , put him through school, bought him a business etc.. He got fat, controlling with money ( I felt bad buying shoes at payless) and basically became a father figure to me. Granted now, I did drink a bit ( when I wasn't working) and got nasty with him at times. By the way the sex was horrible. I know I'm better off, but what nerve to bring me down in the eyes of all our friends. What would you have done?
2006-10-12 18:37:22 · 19 answers · asked by pussnboots333 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
one more detail, He wanted receipts from everything I spent (even from the dollar store) and freaked out when there was a few dollars xtra spent on things such as cell phone service. ( yah 50 free mins a month is a good deal?)
2006-10-12 18:45:08 · update #1
I would have left the fat PIG!!!! You go GIRL!!!
Honey some of these people on here are giving thumbs down to those of us with decent answers, you absolutely did the right thing, you left him because he was a control freak, that usually escalates into other issues that are a heck of a lot worse, so keep going forward, God Bless you and one day some man will be a very LUCKY man to have you...
2006-10-12 18:39:21 · answer #1 · answered by Ladeebug71 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I think I would have tried a change of roles. Let him be the breadwinner. Most men need to have that challenge to become more secure about themselves. I think you also might have had a little problem with your communication skills, in that what you thought was controlling with money, perhaps he was just trying to establish good habits in your financial department. Not that I don't believe some men tend to be 'the father figure' - but that might have been triggered because he felt threatened by you being the breadwinner. Thus, sex became horrible, as a result of his lack of confidence. The fat problem is probably related.
I would have tried to go back to square 1 and figure out what made us fall in love, and try to go from there.. before it got out of hand.
But surely nobody can see the situation better then yourselves. So I am not judging you, but you did ask what would I have done... and so that's my answer.
O hope it helps you figure your situation out a bit.
2006-10-13 01:45:05 · answer #2 · answered by Pivoine 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As in every failed relationship, you both made some mistakes. Move on. Don't talk to him, except about the children, if you have them.
Friends are those who care for you and support you. Acquaintances are people who you "know" but are not close to. Nobody but you and your ex know what all went on. Don't worry what others think. You don't have to explain or make excuses to anyone but yourself.
If your drinking has caused problems in your relationships, work, home life, perhaps you should try AA. They have a website that you can get familiar with their program which is the best one to help people achieve long-term sobriety and recovery in their lives. Here's their URL: www.alcoholics-anonymous.org
Good luck, and take care.
2006-10-13 02:38:04 · answer #3 · answered by KIT J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I think leaving someone for there weight is stupid but the controlling thing I don't blame you for and if you weren't happy then there's another reason everyone should be happy,and you could have taught him what you liked in bed, but yes it's wrong for him to bring you down in front of your friends he should keep your business your business!
2006-10-13 01:53:49 · answer #4 · answered by blood_shadow_walks 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The same thing you did and bravo for you. So what you dfrank. Who wouldn't have in the same situation. The only thing that concerns me is that yhou are trying to validate what you did. You don't need to, You were 101 per cenr right. The he-- with him. Go for it and good luck.
2006-10-13 02:00:11 · answer #5 · answered by devora k 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have did the same thing you did . Just think of this everyone you help is not always that right person for you, because the ones you help that does not have anything, when they do get something they are going to forget all about you. Their attitude is going to change completely. they are going to make you feel low despite what you put into their success . right now he is just feeling the power that he has never had that you help him create. you gave him to much leeway.
2006-10-13 01:43:03 · answer #6 · answered by soawake 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Some Men love to bring an ex wife down because it makes them feel really like a he man! Hang in there- with him being less then a husband what else could you have done!
2006-10-13 01:42:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
If your "friends" think bad of you then maybe they really aren't friends. It only takes 1 to ruin a marriage and 2 to make it. If you did what you had to do then move on with your life and don't look back.
2006-10-13 01:41:52 · answer #8 · answered by Mitzi 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
left sooner! No really, I'm proud of you! Go buy a new pair of shoes, exercise, look good and don't worry about how he "dissed" you to your friends. Real friends won't believe him and will be glad you left too- as for those friends who do listen to him- who cares! You have the rest of your life ahead of you--so what are you gonna do for YOU tomorrow!? Live your life!
2006-10-13 01:42:42 · answer #9 · answered by atheleticman_fan 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Was that a confession, you are better off without him, I hate controling people. It ruins everything.
2006-10-13 01:54:20 · answer #10 · answered by ~*Jenny*~ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋