How long should you wait for someone to ask you to marry them when you've been divorced for 5 years and a kid?

Question

We have been together for almost a year and I was previously married to someone 5 years ago, that didn't work out! He tries to tell me it's because of money, but it don't take money to ask!! I mean we are both 26 years old and I've read before if they don't ask you by six months at this age then you should move on?? I have a son who is 5 and he says stuff like "pretend I adopted him" so I can feel more comfortable punishing him. How can I pretend that when I feel as if he isn't going to marry me? I mean I feel that you should ask and show you want to marry the person, to give them the assurance they aren't wasting their time. It don't mean you have to marry them right away, but give assurance that you want to and that you someday will.

He don't "punish" my son in the way of abuse!! I simply mean sending him to his room or the corner and such..we don't hit him ever!! Also, I never push him to marry me..I simply don't say anything to him! My son may say things like "when you marry my mommy" or something to him and I say he don't want to marry me and we aren't getting married! Sometimes, he brings it up telling me he wants to but it's money. I don't bring it up. I think he only does when he feels me starting to not care and have fun and he gets worried I'm gonna leave. I think he just brings it up to keep me around. Also, yes I love him and he loves me, I know this by the things we've been through and the things we do for each other. It's just sometimes love just isn't enough. I don't want him to marry me right now!!! I only want an assurance he wants to sometime.

My son wants us to get married. He is always making pretend weddings and stuff like that. He loves my boyfriend and he says he wants him to be his dad! He don't see his real dad and his real dad is married with 3 step kids and a new baby and don't pay support for his first son! My boyfriend supports my son, not his dad! My son don't like his real dad and calls him by his name and refuses to admit the fact he's his dad! He has abandoned him time and time again. He isn't even allowed visitation anymore, ordered by courts.

Answer 1

If he is telling you that he doesn't want to get married because of money, he is basically telling you that he doesn't want to get married. There is no time limit on when someone should ask you to marry--it may take more than a year. But all the signs are that he is saying "No" without actually saying the word--the money excuse, the "pretend adoption" excuse, the lack of responding to your concern. My advice, if you were to ask me, would be to leave now, before things get worse.

Answer 2

The worst thing you can do is pressure a man into marrying you. While you may not directly be doing this you are doing it in a very subtle manner. Try just dropping the subject. Get more involved with what YOU have going on in YOUR life and stop focusing so much attention on him. If he asks why just say--I don't know where this is going and would rather focus on what's going on with me. Don't "pretend" he adopted your son. He didn't and that's not good if he's not even willing to marry you.

I'd wait another six months and if he doesn't care that you are drifting away--I'd drop him.

Best of luck!

Answer 3

You aren't going to like this answer, but you should wait at least 13 years before getting married. You were married and that didn't work out and your child probably has been through enough. Focus on raising your child and think about how another failed relationship will affect your little one. Now is the time to not focus on yourself, but focus on the little one. Don't push marriage on someone that apparently isn't ready to make that commitment. Stop thinking of yourself and put yourself in your little one's shoes. Does he get to see Dad or does he spend his time with someone pretending to be his Dad? Is boyfriend ready to deal with at least 13 more years of seeing your ex on a regular basis....or is your little one going to get a dose of a pretend family for a brief time before losing another father figure....think hard...this isn't about you anymore...it's about your son...stop pretending and start being the mother you need to be. How can you possibly have time to raise a child when you're obsessing over your love life?

Answer 4

Why are you in a rush to find marriage? Quick to marry even quicker to divorce. I think that if you really like someone take your time don't rush anything because taking things slow and allowing yourselves to fall in love with each other will keep you together forever. if you rush him then he might marry you to make you happy and he will feel good about that and the fact that he did the right thing but as soon as times get hard and you go through down times the pressure will cause you to split but if you really love each other you will go through anything together and it will make you stronger.

Answer 5

What are you thinking? Your boyfriend has NO business punishing your child, EVER, if his biological father gave up all custody, and your child was adopted by your new husband, then, and only then, after YOU have given permission may he discipline him. BOYFRIENDS NEVER HAVE A RIGHT TO PUNISH CHILDREN THAT ARE NOT THEIRS...EVER. If your child ever talks to his sitter or teacher about being disciplined by the boyfriend, and they report it...first...you are going to be charged with child neglect and abuse and then he will be too, and you could lose your son.

Lastly, it sounds like a big excuse to me, that he wont commit and uses money as an excuse. Its more likely that he will never marry you but likes to keep you around for the sex, and knows that you seem desperate enough most times to stick it out, even at the expense of your son.

Dump this abuser

Answer 6

Just based on the fact that you have been married previously should let you know that after one year you dont just rush into getting married. Stop pressuring him into marrying you when the time is right it will happen, you might be getting on his nerves and pushing him away rather than bringing him closer.

Answer 7

Try Not to Place too Higher Priority on when!
Just be Yourself in the relationship and try Not to Push!
Talk Openly about your Ideas for the Future in a None Confrontational Way-You may be surprised by the results!

Women do have a 6th Sense and do tend to know the Man they're with!-Do you have any serious doubts that He's leading you on? Discuss!

Answer 8

All too common a trend I find in questions from women is this one: Women put their futures in the hands of someone else, and do not take charge of their own destinies.

BUT YOU DIDN'T MENTION LOVE ONCE IN YOUR QUESTION AND DIALOGUE. DO YOU LOVE EACH OTHER??

I suggest you simply tell him it's been a year and your plans are to marry again, but this relationship don't seem to be going anywhere. Then tell him to move out.

Answer 9

Has he ever said that he wants to get married??? or said that someday soon he will or that he never plans on getting married?? and what does he think about marrying someone w a child??? Also- why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free??? If you are living w him and he likes the arrangement- why should he marry you??? He has no committment and no vows or covenant w you- think about it- and what hints has he given you- you will know what to do-D

Answer 10

you're no longer listening to your spouse. perhaps it quite is the breakup ingredient. you're no longer listening to her. She feels completely used, like an entire trashy whore, and you probably did that to her. She did have hardcore intercourse to soothe you, yet as quickly as become no longer sufficient for you and she or he knew that, so she persisted because of cruise, hating it the completed time. As she pronounced years of feeling that way, she ought to no longer cope with. perhaps you need to have made specific that the female you married become into this till now you married. You the place egocentric and waited for years, yet your selfishness is what ruined a reliable relationship, that your deviate ideas could no longer rejoice with loving your female without degrading her. as far because of fact the romantic cruise, what reliable become that, it wasn't romantic it become deploring to her, there become no romance it become at once out hardcore porn in her ideas.