Sorry this is so long. I'm marrying my fiance, Kyle, this December. He shares a son with his ex-gf (not wife), Laura. I know that I will not be rid of her for the rest of our lives together, and I can handle that.
What drives me crazy is her back-and-forth attitude. She has told me that she accepts me as a member of the "family" that she will forever share with my fiance, just as we have accepted her new husband. She wants me to be a part of all ideas and decision-making that involve their son, Lance.
But then she throws it back in our faces. She has taken it upon herself to select the MONTH when Lance will be potty-trained (which we have not gone by, since she wants to wait until December, and he's ready now--sits on the potty all by himself). When we suggest a change in plans, she rejects our ideas, then turns around and tells us our ideas back to us, like they were hers to begin with. This gets extremely frustrating. Every once in a while, we will put our feet down,
2006-10-12 18:29:18 · 11 answers · asked by Bachman-ette 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
but mostly we just roll our eyes after she's gone and shrug it off. Is there anything I can do to help myself deal with her constant nagging and bringing up the past? Such as, she keeps talking about her being the "other woman" when he and I first got together--then turning around and saying that they broke up a month before he and I got together? Is she doing it on purpose? Or is she just ... weird? We try and get along with her--for the child's sake--but will her actions negatively affect him?
2006-10-12 18:29:35 · update #1
Take a stand woman! Dont worry about her petty rules.. If the child needs parenting now, then give it to him! To hell with her. If she gets upset then let her deal with your husband. He will understand your point of view since the child is in his custody & he can see what is best for the kid.
Dont worry.. You need to do what you gotta do otherwise you will be trampled down by that woman who is clearly no friend of yours.
2006-10-12 18:35:15 · answer #1 · answered by Claude 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe ask her new husband if he knows she is still living in the past and if hes aware that she is trying to run not just his life but her Xs also. Maybe he wont allow her to spend so much time in your lives if he thinks she still has an interest in your man.Im sorry but I think thats what her problem is or at least part of it. let her know that when you get married your not a part a her family your starting your own And the only thing you have in common is the child nothing else. As far as the schedule goes tell her she doesnt run yours. Make sure your man is behind you or he can live by her rules.
2006-10-12 18:43:23 · answer #2 · answered by saturn 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just realize that you do not have a say with this child. You will have to deal with her until the child turns 18 and you do not have the right nor the authority to ask that your future husband put you first before his child. Marry this guy if you do not mind playing second fiddle to his child and having constant interaction with his ex- the mother of the child. Its a win situation if you can just shrug it off and not request a say in the raising of this child...it's a losing situation if you don't expect this to be the hardest thing you'll ever do. If you do go through with a marriage-don't plan on having kids...because then this child will have to deal with coming to visit his dad who is busy raising new children that belong to another woman.
2006-10-12 18:59:02 · answer #3 · answered by justwondering 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Disappear if you can and if you can not do that you have to fight him with the law as best you can. I know it's difficult to afford a really good attorney but you definitely need one on retainer for everything from help with criminal charges to family court issues. You can also consult a batters woman's group because they have resources that you may not have and it important that you put together a great support system now.
2016-05-21 22:10:40 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep in mind after you marry him that you are marrying into all of this. Don't turn it against him and make him feel guilty for time spent with his child. Especially when you have kids of your own. That being said. You will have to deal with her crap for a lot of years. You will probably have to keep you hole shut at times. However, IMO it is the best intrest of Kyle to NEVER let him see/hear you argue over him with anyone. Try to make him feel as safe and comfortable at your home always. He has to feel welcome. When he is old enough and can choose, he will probably decide to live with you and dad. Boys need their fathers. Step dads can be nice, but if his father is fit he needs to be reared by him. His mother can give him love and other wonderful skills, but she cannot give him the skills to be a man.
2006-10-12 18:57:09 · answer #5 · answered by tiredinaz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seems she hasnt let go of your fiance and it may take forever for that to happen if you three, four are going to be palsies. It cant be done. I mean, how much do you really want this woman in your marriage? I sure wouldnt want my ex involved in any directives about how to raise our kids in my home. Since your future step child is a baby...these early years need some consistency for the child, so she has some real concerns. Take them to heart and dont spend too much time discussing things with her. Let your fiance do that and leave the room and put some music on. Chill. ;)
2006-10-12 18:37:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Better get used to another 18 years of this. This is what happens when you marry a man who has children from other women- you get chaos and drama. It's your choice to marry Kyle, so prepare yourself for many more years of this. Nothing you can do- she's the mom and you're not.
2006-10-12 18:32:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is weird, confused and playing with you all- she wants control and can't have it all- NEVER and I mean NEVER talk bad about the mom when the child is around- and try not to give him different instruction to avoid confusing the daylights out of him!! So- ignore her crap and do the best you can-and put your foot down when it is really necessary and don't major in the minors- and have a happy life= D
2006-10-12 18:35:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're doing the right thing....shrugging her off and rolling your eyes. She's weird and has issues.
2006-10-12 18:45:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out of this mess and stay away! You have no business being part of this whole broken home mixup. And I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist to find out why you would have even considered it. Get a clue!
2006-10-12 18:32:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋