Ok kids young teens I need your help?

Question

I have a 13 year old daughter and she is starting to shut me out, she tells me I am too strict because I will not let her or her 12 year old sister have a cell phone, a my space or go to the store alone ( we live in Southern Calif, close to some bad apartments, gang/drugs) I want the best for her, I started having them both take music lessons, but my 13 year old has no interest in doing anything to better herself, it really bothers me, all she worries about is how she looks when she goes to school ( she is also not allowed to have a boyfriend) I am afraid she is going to start sneaking around or lying to me. Do you as a young teen have any ideas? or parents of young teens. Thank you.

Answer 1

The question you have to ask yourself is:
"Am I able to protect my children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?"
Obviously the answer is "no!", don't you agree?
As parents, we ought to guide them towards a set of values that wwill serve them well when they become independent from us. The operative word here is "guide". This guidance has to start as soon as they understand what we say, which may be as young as 3 years old. Of course the subject has to be suitable for their age. Some examples of values for us to develop are: Honesty; Care n share; Self confidence; Politeness; etc.
In guiding them, we have to bear in mind that we are their role models. So they will mirror our behaviour!
Children will lie when we impose restrictions with punishment, when they commit the "offences". This will carry on to their teens.
Work sincerely with your 2 daughters on solutions agreeble to them. For example, encourage your daughters to have friends visit the house (where you are around), rather than total restriction. In this way, you can know what kind of friends they make.

Answer 2

Let her have a myspace. Its not that bad anymore, before it used to be really easy for freaks to try and contact little kids. Now kids can set their profiles to private, where no one can view their myspace without their consent. Its a great way to socialize, and talk to all your friends from old schools or cousins, basically whoever. As for the Boyfriend, I agree she might be too young for that. However, this is where your decision comes in hand. Is she mature enough for one? have you talked to her about making the right decisions, and what most boyfriends really look for in a girlfriend? I.e, sex? As for the cell phone, maybe you can buy the a phone from virgin mobile. Basically, its a phone without a contract, so you can cancel it at anytime, and you fill it up with mintues. So, lets say you buy a card that has half an hours worth of mintues, thats how long your child can speak on the phone. This perhaps will teach her to use her mintues wisley, and maybe she can earn her own money doing chores around the house to buy more minutes for her phone. Not only that, but it gives her an option in the evnt of an emergency; you can dial 911 even if you dont have any mintues left. Shes growing up, and this is where you start learning who your child is really going to be as a young adult. Give her some freedom, but remind her that your her mother, and set proper boundaries.

Answer 3

Well i dont see the big deal about having a mobile at 12 . Your 13 year old is a kid why should she be worrying about the future to much in a few years then maybee its a problem . Teens do worry about how they look she wants to look good for guys and you trying to prevent her from dating guys well its just causing conflict she will sneak around and lie to you , by being to restrictave its not good i mean its a natural thing to want to date etc so why stop it . You can really just explain look date guys but get pregnent and your working to look after it by your self , remember your bringing her up to be a adult so let her make more of her own choices its part of growing up howether explain if she is to fool around with guys then use protection . Id say she is too young to date thougth 13 is a kid really .

Answer 4

Teens are young men and young ladies, but sometimes they act like kids. It depends on their ages. 13-14 are kids, for the most part. 15-16 are teens, along with some 14 year olds. 16-19 are adults to me. I"m a teen. That's my answer.

Answer 5

As a teen, I know we teenagers hate restrictions. I don't like it when my parents restrict me from going over my friends' houses just because they're guys. I want them to trust me, but they think I'm going to do something stupid. I don't think you should restrict your daughter too much either. I think at 13, your daughter should be able to get a cell phone. That way you can keep in touch with her at all times. It's always around middle school / junior high school when kids start to realize they want to get out in the world. That's where the stupidity comes in too. But it always passes, and your children will eventually appreciate the things you've done for them. I don't want to give you sugar coated lies or anything so I will tell you that if you don't try to connect with your daughters, they'll want nothing to do with you later on. Try to spend time with them, go on small vacations during their holiday breaks. Let them go to the mall with their friends. And if you make a mistake, don't be stubborn and apologize. Trust me, it's surprising when parents admit things. Well...unless you do it all the time. Good luck with your daughters.

Answer 6

I respect what you're doing and i encourage that you should keep on doing it. I also live in Southern California. I think that the more you're being strict with her, the better chance she'll rebel and do things the total opposite of what you want her to do.

try to trust her a bit more and let her have just some freedom. but not too much. But going to the store alone... you shouldnt worry about that. :D

Answer 7

It feels to her that you have put her in a cage, when she opens that door by herself, you will have no control over her.

Have you ever seen a caged animal, well think about it.

Confide in her, make her your best friend, tell her you trust her completely, start giving her a bit of rope, a little at a time and she will realise that you are helping her.

Being a very protective parent does not help relationship with them.

Answer 8

surprise them give them a cell phone for christmas.
anyways try this let your daughter have a crush with someone but not be boyfriend girlfriend until whatever age you want
if your daughtrs want to go to the store alone try this let her go but still be there. i remember how i didnt like playing an instrument but i kept getting better at it. try showing an example of that. myspace thing not sure.

Answer 9

ofcourse its the age and i know that very well becoz i was also like that, but i like my parents being strict or i would have got bad. but if u put more pressure on ur daughters they will go against u in secret. they will no longer ask ur permission and u will not know what they will do. like if u say a strong no then they will have an urge to do it becoz they think y not whats the problem in doing that.

Answer 10

Teens are going to be teens. My parents were very strict with me and didn't allow me to do things like other teenagers. I didn't understand then but its made me who i am now. Teenagers these days are experiencing things so much younger these days and its because parents allow them. You do what feels right and they will understand when they grow older. Listen and try to understand