Am I wrong to be upset about my husband and porn?

Question

I have nothing wrong with porn because my husband and I watch it together sometimes for fun, but I have noticed that he gets on porn sites alot. Our sex life is great when things happen but otherwise it i non-existant. Am I wrong to feel upset about him looking at porn all the time knowing he gets to have his fun and I don't? I do not know why but it kinda bothers me in a way it would if he were cheating on me. I know he isn't because I know he loves me but I can't help the way I feel. Am I wrong or do Ihave right to feel this way? If I am wrong what can I do to change how this is making me feel? please help!!!!

I am not into the whole pleasuiring yourself thing. I do not think there is amything wrong with it I jsut do not feel it is for me.

I think a part of what bothers me is the types of things he watches. I have noticed that he watches guy on guy scenes and stuff like that. I am not into anal and he watches alot of that too. I have tried it once for him and he said he didn't like it as much as he thought he would so he wa ok with us not doing it again.

Answer 1

Its natural to be upset about it. But you can't entirely blame him, because it is society that supercharges his sex drive. If everyday women didn't appear half naked, if movies and TV shows didn't have sexual content, if there were less sexual motivation for him, he wouldn't be as obsessed with sex. Its almost impossible for men to resist all the sexual pressure that this society puts on them.

The internet is immidiate, instant sexual gratification that satisfies any fantasy anyone can have(or at least thats the idea). And thats why men use it. You can try to curb his usage of it in many ways:

A) get angry with him. This isn't going to get you far
B) embaress him about it, also not likely to help
C) talk to him about it. Probably as effective as driving in first gear; the engine will spin fast and the car will move, but not very far.
D) compete with it. Fufill his fantasies. Make yourself more desirable than other female's porn. Suprise him with pictures, or sneak in sex durring his break at lunch, or whenever he least expects it. It may be hard to quench his thirst for sex, but if you can do it, he wont have a reason or desire for the porn.

Answer 2

No, it isn't wrong for you to feel this way, especially about "getting on single sites and talking to these girls". That goes from "just looking" to being more interactive. Unfortunately, that suggests that his interest is progressing. Some people can handle porn...they look occasionally, and that's it. They don't progress, they look and they are done for a few days or weeks or whatever. Other people develop something that is basically an addiction. They get to where they need to look more often, and at kinkier stuff to get adequately aroused. Often, it keeps progressing to the point of looking to talk to people (cybersex) or even meet people for sex. Of course, the further it goes, the more it affects the relationship the porn addict has with his gf/wife and the way he views women, in general. Unfortunately, it looks like your husband may be fairly deep into this stuff, to the point it will be very difficult to get out....especially if he won't admit he has a problem. If he is joining singles sites and talking to other women, he has probably lost control and you might have to consider leaving the relationship. While most men look at porn occasionally, most men also can limit it or quit altogether. If it is something that they know hurts their spouse, most men can get by without it, so you aren't wrong to have an issue with it or want your husband to at least keep it to the minimum. Do not assume that all men have to look at porn on a regular basis. Some will tell you it is OK, and for most it really isn't a big deal to look sometimes...but it does have the power to mess men up and ruin relationships when it isn't kept in check.

Answer 3

No you aren't wrong. But my question is to you, why are you waiting for things to happen? I'm not a male, but i have a very high sex drive. My husband always waits for me to pursue him. It gets kind of old. So, when i get randy i have my porn. On the same token when I get more sex i want it even more. So again my porn picks up where my mans libido can't. Now, i would rather have sex with my hubby than watch porn, but i need more satisfaction than he can give. He doesn't like my porn habit. all tough, he has realized that I either pleasure myself or there will be someone else. It's not about the porn it's about the satisfaction. Talk to him and see if he feels the same way. Tell him your boundaries with the porn. Like no live chatting. See how he feels and have terms that you both agree to. Never feel bad about how you feel. Obviously there is a reason you feel that way.

Answer 4

Well it seems like you're uptight about sex. You don't pleasure yourself? Well, that is quite odd. You probably have some issues regarding sex like many women, you don't feel free to fully indulge and enjoy the variety of sexual things. I like porn and I watch sometimes when I want to. There are things in porns that satisfy your fantasies and the urge to look in or someones sex life. You shouldn't feel bad about him watching porn, it is normal and men need excitement in the bedroom. Well, they like to see many kinds of women doing many kinds of things. Don't you get bored with the same old thing all of the time. he is not cheating on you and watching porn is certainly not an indication that he will cheat on you. Why don't you have fun? You don't masturbate? I love to masturbate and enjoy a nice good porn. You should lighten up and search to find your sexual side. You should pay a visit to Victoria's Secret and buy Carmen Electra's stripping video. You guys needs some sparks in your relationship, and you can give it that extra flare by doing new things. Don't be shy or afraid, have fun and try to fulfill each others fantasies.

Answer 5

a) Porn is addictive.
b) Porn creates a boredom which demands ever more variety/perversity.
c) Porn exploits women victims horrendously.
d) Porn degrades women into objects to be used rather than affirmed in relationship.

Okay - so yeah, your feelings are legitimate. You need to stop validating the stuff w/ you own actions. Then you need to sit down and talk w/ your husband. Normally men have a much, much harder time breaking the addiction. Help him, but hold him accountable. You may need professional help as a couple.

Answer 6

Porn Sites Rock... And Honestly Sweety, Its Not Real.... It Sounds Like He's Looking For Something YOU And Him Dont Have... Like "Foot Fetish, Fat Chicks" Or Something Hes More Than Likely Too Scared To TEll You About... Just Ask Him, Or Say "Can I Sit And Look At These Sites With You??"

Answer 7

There's nothing wrong to be upset. It is a natural feeling especially given the possibility that ur husband might be hooked on watching porn, and that there might be chances that he will be remiss on his sexual duties to you (at least as far as ur "feeling" is concerned). What you can do is to communicate with your husband and tell him exactly what u feel. Resolve it together. Agree. Come to terms. And, fulfill your sexual obligation to him. Variate. Be a porn star to him once in a while. More importantly, trust your husband.

Answer 8

you are not wrong feeling this way.
i have no problem watching porn with my husband.
because hes not addicted to it.
it sounds like your husband is.
he needs to pay a little less attention on the computer and t.v. and more on you.
i would be completely jealous if the computer got more action then i did.
what hes doing is going a little to far.
and if you don't deal with the situation soon its going to interfere with your marriage and soon need counseling.
this is a serious thing.
guys don't think it is. cuz their guys
seriously you need to be up front about it.
tell him straight up that u didn't have a problem with him watching it until it went out of control.
every love is unique and every couple is different. only you know how to go about this situation. because you know him best.
all you can do is tell him how you feel.
best of luck.

Answer 9

You are not wrong to be upset at all. If he is looking at other women he is thinking about other women in a sexual way. I wouldn't let that continue. After looking at porn, men start to have these expectations of what we women should look like and do in bed. Porn isn't good even more so when your looking at it without your spouse. I would talk to him about it. It also can become addicting. I would look at this website.. it is really good./www.porn-free.org/porn_is_bad.htm
Good luck

Answer 10

if he is looking at porn more than you two are intimate with each other it is a problem. try to talk to him about it, it might be turning into an addiction. I'm not some religious straight laced radical, i like porn to. everything is ok in moderation.

there are some web sites i can send you if you feel like you need it. i was a psych major in college and have some material i can dig up for you.