well i feel he's ready because we've hade numerouse conversations about it and he plans to go to work full-time but i think he just wants to really be with me and wants to have a child so i cant run away?i feel its right because he's my first but then again i dont know how to tell my parents and im not sure if his dad will give me a lecture. please help me
2006-10-12 17:16:37 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
There's a lot of red flags in your conversation.
(1) You're afraid to talk to your parents
Whenever you're afraid to talk to your parents, you should very carefully reconsider what you're wanting to do, particularly if you have a good relationship with them.
(2) You're afraid to talk to his parents.
See (1).
(3) You're 17. You can't even legally sign a rental agreement. You can't sign off on your own medical care. You can't buy alcohol. You can't work 40 hours a week. You can't rent a car. What on earth makes you think you're ready to take care of a baby?
(4) You have a boyfriend. Yes, that's right, a BOY FRIEND. Meaning he's not an adult, and he's not obligated to you in any way shape or form other than his verbal statement (and words are worth almost nothing). I wouldn't recommend putting my future in the hands of another child who won't have to bear responsibility.
(5) Said boyfriend doesn't have a job. He PLANS on getting one, but he doesn't have one. Plans are all well and nice, but many times the glass is spilled before you drink.
(6) You're worried about him controlling you. If you're worried NOW, I PROMISE it'll get WORSE if you commit more of your life (and a baby) to him.
A guy being your first is emotionally a big deal right now, but in the long scheme of your life, which should last 80 years or more, will just be a small memory. If you're worried that you owe him anything, forget it. You owe that man NOTHING. You had sex with him, that's it. If you're worried about religious obligation (I have no idea here), remember this: God is a lot bigger than our little rules. God sees, understands and forgives everything.
Please talk to a trusted adult if you can't bring yourself to talk to your parents. Bring what you wrote here to show them and remind yourself of everything you are worried about. I hope you find peace and joy and security!
2006-10-13 13:52:31 · answer #1 · answered by Tomteboda 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would wait. If he is the right guy, he will still be around when you are both ready. He should be working before you start to plan a family. It should be an exciting thing to tell your families, not scary. You should know they will be happy for you and not worried what they will think or say. I think if you were older, you would be excited, not doubting. I am 28 and I just got married. I was in a 4 year relationship from 13 go 17. A different one when I was 17 until I was 19, and another one when I was 19 until I was 22. I thought all of them were the "man I was going to marry" I would have loved to have kids with them. Obviously I was wrong. YOu need to live your life a little first. When you are old enough you are going to want to go to the clubs, get a job of your own, maybe live with friends. It is really hard to do those things with a kid. (if you plan to be a good parent, which means putting your kid ahead of you)
2006-10-12 17:34:40 · answer #2 · answered by butterfliesbrown 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should wait. when he HAS a full time job and can keep it and when you KNOW your ready instead of feeling ready and when you know you can tell your parents about it without having to worry about lectures then think about having a child. But think about it is that really what YOU want or do you just want to make your man happy?? Right now you might end up regretting it later what about when your 21 ans all your friends are hanging out at the clubs. Or what about being stuck at home just you and the baby al day every day. I mean your 17 you got your whole life to have children. Don't rush into.
2006-10-12 17:27:15 · answer #3 · answered by xxxlostsocalgirlxxx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please wait, You have about 20 more years to have children, but this is your only chance for a childhood. There is only one prom one graduation. Having a conversation about a baby is not the same as having one. They take up so much of your time and you will never be 17 again. Please wait until you finish college.
Take it from me I am 30 now and have 3 kids my first when I was 18 I love her very much but you will always wonder what you would have been if you would have waited. I hope you make the right choice. Ask God if you should have a baby he'll let you know
By the way my first childs father left me while I was pregnant and had another baby 2 months after mine. And we were so In love
2006-10-12 18:12:14 · answer #4 · answered by rwvsm 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you have the money for about $15,000 in bills for just the preparation (if you're planning on doing it right), money for what could be weeks in the hospital, as well as regular doctor's visits for yourself and the baby, yearly visits to the dentist, groceries for three people, an apartment, an entire new wardrobe for your child every year when they outgrow their old clothes, two reliable cars, insurance...
AND you're completely at peace with the fact that you'll never be able to date again, that you'll never get that weight off no matter how much you tell yourself you will, that you'll be woken up at all hours of the night, that the lack of sleep and stress of having someone constantly dependant on you will strain your relationship with your boyfriend to it's limits, and that you'll be so drained that you won't have ANY relaxation or fun for about three years... then sure, go for it... in about 5 years after you've taken a few years to enjoy having your own life without responsibilities before giving up that right FOREVER.
2006-10-12 18:20:56 · answer #5 · answered by jaydee78 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having a kid is hard work. There are lots of sacrifices involved. Money spent on diapers, baby clothes and baby food means there's very little left for your own personal expenses, like new jeans or shoes or jewelry or nights out at the movies or restaurants.
It's great that you both want to be parents. I imagine you both want a loving family. You owe it to your kids to be financially stable and wait a few years until you bring them into this world.
It's a tough world, and it would be an advantage for them to have committed parents, a secure home, and all the necessities. Work hard at school, graduate, and go on to college so you can provide for your family. Minimum wage just won't cut it.
In the meantime, enjoy your youth. Once it is gone, it's over. For good.
2006-10-12 18:12:58 · answer #6 · answered by mithril 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should not have a child yet. You have time, enjoy your youth. having a child will put you in many problems, especially financial problems. Also, baby are trouble, they're noisy, they never listen to you, they break stuffs, they always want you to get mad for attention. I should know very well because I sometimes look over my baby nephew. I really recommend you think this over, take your time. This is just my opinion, but if you still want a child, try talk it out with both of your parents and your boyfriend. I hope you going to make a great choice that will make your life better.=]
2006-10-12 17:33:49 · answer #7 · answered by Justin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, go and live out the rest of your childhood. Don't waste the rest of those precious fleeting years having a child with a boy who PLANS to go to work full-time.
If he isn't ready to marry you he isn't commited enough to you to have a child with you. And if he doesn't even have a job yet he has no business even TALKING about having a baby. They are expensive - I know - I have 3!
A baby doesn't hold a relationship together - been there done that - and let me tell you how hard it is to raise one on your own! You have no idea what you are considering putting yourself through.
Just don't do it. If he loves you and you love him you can wait. Wait until he actually IS employed, wait until you are in a committed MARRIED relationship and wait until you yourself are not a child anymore. I know you want to be grown up but having a baby won't make you grown up. It will make you a miserable teenager.
2006-10-12 17:24:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am 29 I have a 2yr old and a 2mth old...........They are so much work I cannot even begin to tell you, you need a loving home to bring a child into. It may break your relationship up and you will be a single mother or a whole bunch of horrible things might happen given your circumstances. You should really wait to have a child until you have found the right man....If you are asking complete strangers for advice he's not MR. RIGHT!
Good Luck
2006-10-12 17:23:37 · answer #9 · answered by KAREN S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to graduate from high school first, both of you. Then you need to go to college or tech school to learn a job which pays more than minimum wage. If you only make minimum wage you will not have enough money for children! After college or tech school get a job and save money for a year or more. THEN get engaged and plan your future, not just the wedding but your future: Can you afford a place to live? {It's not good to live with your parents} Do you have medical insurance? Can you buy groceries, pay your utility bills, make a car payment and car insurance payment, buy gas for the car, buy diapers and formula,
afford a hair cut, buy medicine, clothing etc??? No baby until you can do all of those things.
2006-10-12 18:45:44 · answer #10 · answered by winkcat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋