I'm a married woman and fallen 4 another man................?

Question

iam 24 married and have 1 child. A couple of nights back I could not fall asleep and decided to chat 2 anybody who wanted 2 talk.Anyway 2 make a long story short i meet a man who is deployed in iraq and just found out his wife has cheatd on him. We started talking and have a lot in comman .Now he says he's fallen 4 me .....really bad.I did,'t tell him I was married as I thought nothing would happen. I also have started to have feelings for him and can't wait to speak 2 him again. I know that its wrong and that I should end it before it becomes more serious,but how ?I don't want to break his heart .he is such a lovley man.The truth is even I don't want my heart broken to because i have fallen in love with him. Help.........I also love my husband dearly,but he dosn't speak to me like the man i have meet or express his feelings at all. What do I do? I feel torn.........HELP!!!

He has shown me pictures of himself in iraq,but I want to know is how to break it off.Should I just ignore him or actually tell him? Thanks for all the answers they r sooo helpful.

Don't get me wrong my husband is great.....just not in the romantic dept.

he has show me pics of his son...says that we should be a least friends what should i say?

Answer 1

Honey, I've been in and around the military my entire life and if there is one thing I've learned, it's not to fall for the oldest lines in the book! First of all, there are quite a few "nice guys with sad stories" out there who would like to mark you as a notch on their jock straps. Chances are, he isn't even married, and you're a bet waiting to happen.

On the off chance he is married, you need to step back from it. If his wife is cheating, he needs to deal with that BEFORE he gets involved with someone else. More importantly, if his wife finds out about you or your husband about him, either one of them can claim he is cheating (on her or with you) and cause him to be court marshalled for adultery. And YES, they can and do still prosecute for adultery in the military - it goes against the code of integrity. If he is court marshalled, his career is ruined and he will get a dishonorable discharge and could get sent to Ft. Leavenworth to do hard time! Guess who he's going to blame for that? You, and he will never let it go, and he will never forgive you for messing up his life, claiming you tempted him!

Now, can you really trust a man who cheats on his wife? Are you really trust worthy after cheating on your husband? What are you going to tell the children - "Hey kids, this is the man I let come between me and your daddy?" You might not say it, but some time down the road someone WILL say it to them, then how will you be able to face them ever again? Unless, of course, you have no conscience, morals or integrity!

By the way, having feelings for someone you've never met isn't reality. That would be like some guy falling for some phone sex bimbo who makes a living out of "saying what they really want to hear." All you're doing is falling in love with falling in love, obsessing over some unfulfilled need for romanticism. Men, by their very natures are unromantic once the "rule of possession" is in place.

Marriage or a long time relationship falls under that rule. They figure they did the romantic stuff to lure you in and now that they have you they don't have to work so hard. You have to help them find the romance, again. When I want romance, I pout. I also buy a gift certificate to the hot tub, leave suggestive notes in his lunch box and about an hour before quitting time, I make a dirty phone call that ends with the phrase "I don't need diamonds or minks or flowers, I just need you." Works every time. I usually don't get the diamonds, mainly because I don't like them, but he buys me inexpensive jewelry from Wal-Mart. I never get minks, because I'm allergic. He does do the dishes occasionally, makes me orange juice and chicken soup when I'm sick (and serves me in bed), keeps my car gassed up, rubs my feet and keeps my Eeyore collection growing and I always get a rose or a bouquet - and chocolate. Of course, the chocolate is usually in a squeeze bottle. He's a man! Go figure!

He does do the dishes occasionally, makes me orange juice and chicken soup when I'm sick (and serves me in bed), keeps my car gassed up, rubs my feet, brings me little surprises (like a new rabbit when my pet rabbit "Bugsy" died, does sweet things just for me (like building and painting a tiny coffin for "Bugsy," at twenty below zero, so she wouldn't be devoured by wild animals [which would happen because you can't break soil in Alaska in the winter, so you have to leave them out until spring break up when the ground thaws}) and keeps my Eeyore collection growing. In turn, I feed him well, rub his back, throw superbowl parties (even though I hate sports on TV), let him "car shop" every few years, buy him tools he doesn't need but wants and sit with him on a frozen lake at twenty below, freezing my "you know what" off because he likes to ice fish and loves it when I participate in ALL the "things" he likes to do [like my preacher preached, one Sunday morning, to the women of our congregation who were being rude to my mother because she wore pants and came to church on the back of my dad's motorcycle, saying 'Ladies, if your husband wants you to do the things he likes to do - like riding a motorcycle - I suggest you do it, because IF YOU DON'T HE MIGHT FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHO WILL!"] In other words, share his interests and you might find him more willing to give you the words or deeds you crave. Just make sure to TELL HIM what they are, how you feel and what you need because, frankly, most men can't even read their own minds let alone their wife's!

Lastly, God ALWAYS prosecutes for adultery. You aren't just jeopardizing your own souls but each other's as well. God does forgive us for our sins as long as we are truly sorry. Of course, if we keep committing the same sin over and over, it pretty much tells God we aren't really sorry, now doesn't it?

As for how to break it off - try honesty.

"I'm sorry I didn't stop this sooner. It is wrong in so many different ways. I'm real sorry your wife is being unfaithful to you but if I let this continue then I'm just the same as her.

I love my husband and deep down you probably still love your wife. Your hurt and angry because she let you down, hurting you and breaking your trust. Right now, you are so far from home and it is frustrating you because you can't be here to deal with your marital issues. When you return, you need to come home with as few complications as you can and "WE" would definitely be a complication.

If you really love your wife, you need to try to understand how she feels, being left behind, and decide if you can forgive her and make your marriage work or if it is truly over. I'm not making excuses for her, she is wrong, but some people can't handle being on their own, alone and away from the one person they've always leaned on. Some lack the maturity to handle something this big, and it is big. She's alone for the first time in how long, totally responsible for keeping your "home fires burning," and scared you'll never come home or come home in a body bag. That is a large burden for anyone to carry. I would be devastated to have to go through something that traumatic and I don't know how I would handle it if I were in her shoes. I'd like to think my husband would try to understand and forgive me, if we were in your situation.

So, please forgive my time of weakness and please, please forgive her weakness, too. She is only human. If you can't forgive her right away, please, don't burn your bridges before you've really given her, and yourself, the chance to make things as right as they can be. Give her a call, tell her what you heard and give her the chance to come clean about it or explain it was just a stupid rumor started because she ticked off the spouse of someone in your unit who decided to stir up trouble for the two of you as an act of spite. It does happen, you know, gossip and lies. She could be innocent and if she is, then we would be hurting someone who doesn't deserve it.

We would be ruining two marriages and hurting everyone by our selfish acts of betrayal, and I couldn't live with that and I know, you being the sweet person I've come to know, you couldn't, either. Eventually, our guilt would destroy our relationshp, too. It's a high price to pay and too many innocents paying it.

You will be in my heart, because I do care what happens to you, and my prayers. God go with you and your wife.

(Sorry I got so long winded but I feel very strongly about keeping our fighting soldiers' and their families' lives uncomplicated and as stress free as possible. They, the soldiers and their families, are making a great sacrifice for all of us while we sit at home, with our loved ones, all comfy and cozy with a whole lot less danger and stress to deal with. So, when you write him again, let him know he is appreciated for what he's doing. Thanks.)

Answer 2

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I'm a married woman and fallen 4 another man................?
iam 24 married and have 1 child. A couple of nights back I could not fall asleep and decided to chat 2 anybody who wanted 2 talk.Anyway 2 make a long story short i meet a man who is deployed in iraq and just found out his wife has cheatd on him. We started talking and have a lot in comman .Now he...

Answer 3

I feel for you. But you should never have let it get as far as it did. If you want to save your marriage, tell this guy that you are married and cannot continue the relationship the way it is. If you truely love your husband, then stop getting on the net and chatting with other men. If you can't sleep and just have to be on the net, then research how to make your marriage better. There's a wonderful site that I use to help keep our marriage fresh: www.loving.com Send your husband a sexy, steamy card to his email or something. But keeping the relationship with this guy in Iraq is not good for you or your child.

Answer 4

Please remember this guy is in Iraq and just found out his wife cheated on him. He is reaching out to the only available source he has now - YOU. Being out of this country is often very lonely for these guys and then to find out that his wife cheated he feels even more lonely. I don't think you should take this seriously, he is away from home and hurt. I do however think he needs a friend to talk to and you should tell him that's what you are. The sacrifice these guys make isn't easy, we all need to help them get through the tough times.

Answer 5

You first started chatting online with this man a couple of nights ago, and you have fallen in love with him?

Pssst...you are not in love with him...you are delighted for the attention and the excitement.

Do yourself a BIG favor and don't let this go any farther! You are a young woman with a family.

I think you MUST verbalize your needs to your husband. Don't tell him about this online fling, of course! But unless you tell your husband what needs you have, he isn't likely to fulfill them!

Communication is key. Log out, and go snuggle up and talk to your husband. THAT is your future..not some married online guy who SAYS he is in Iraq and SAYS his wife cheated on him..

He is probably a 60 year old fat guy, unshaven..sitting around in week-old underwear. Drinking beer and burping out loud. Probably scratching himself as well. LOG OUT

Answer 6

you need to look at the outcome that comes with this for all you know this fellow might be married and happy and he is a player only using you for his wants. when your husband finds this out and in time he will when you least expect it you can only blame yor self and this man who you have fallen for on the internet will be playing around with others as well you are a mark in his book and in time you will be the one who is out in the cold while both him as well probley your soon to be .ex. will be happy if you love your husband leave this player alone you have a child to think of .in my opion?

Answer 7

You are catching this guy when he is desperate. It will be a rebound thing. This guy will also become like your husband and thats how it is. Better you find some constructive hobbies. Remember, someone said its all about old and new. Old is not exciting anymore but new eventually becommes old.
I agree with other readers God knows who this net guy is so don't be foolish and don't be your worst enemy.

Answer 8

Well tell this to ur husban, like explain for a while and say u just met and started talking and blablabla and u want to end this relationship b4 it goes on any longer... then tell him to come with you when u meet and introduce eachother like ur husband to ur lover. And if ur husband is pissed thats natural... well talk thu the plan with him and u should be ok...

Answer 9

grow up - you're a adult with adult responsibilities. You need to stop talking to this guy and instead focuse on making your marriage better - for your kid. If you wanted to play the field you should have doen it before the kid, now you owe to that child to raise it right in a two parent loving house

Answer 10

YOU NEED TO STOP HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR BEHIND YOUR HUSBAND'S BACK. Stop talking to this man, you have already led the military man on and lied to him, and he probably dosen't want to do to someone what he just had done to him. Don't forget that your putting your daughter in a bad bad bad situation too!

Answer 11

Stop chatting with this guy as your life will be torn literally! Just end it now and stick with your husband. There are no guarantees with anyone else.