Is it best to let your baby scream himself to sleep instead of trying to rock him while trying not to spoil hi

Answer 1

Never!

Babies cry because it is the only way they have to communicate. Letting a baby scream itself to sleep you just do not do. The baby either needs something or something is wrong.

Answer 2

Personally, I'd say it is NEVER 'best' to let your baby scream himself to sleep. Many experts claim is is impossible to spoil a baby younger than 6mths - so if he's younger I'd say rock him for sure. If he's older, you could try a bit of rocking before putting him down while he's still awake. Let him complain a bit, but pick him up if he continues crying and rock some more. Keep doing this of putting him down still awake and letting him try to calm himself.
From a desperate need for sleep I admit I tried the 'cry it out' method once or twice. Didnt work at all - in fact my girl just got more and more upset as the minutes went by. Do I really want to wait until she passes out from sheer exhaustion?!? Sorry, couldnt do that... She's 11mths and a great sleeper, a testament to the efficiency of other ways out there besides the cry it out method.

Answer 3

Wait five to ten minutes, and then go to him and rock him.
This way, he knows that you have other things and that it will always take you time to get to him, but that no matter what, you love him.

There should always be times when you go to him right away, and there should always be times when it takes a while.

At the beginning, always go to him right away, as he gets older, let it take a little while longer.

If you feel like you're spoiling him, then just for ONE night, let him cry himself to sleep. Only do that if you have already done the opposite many times before. ONLY, if you have already shown him that you love him, Many MANY MANY times before! This really should never be necessary, because babies are supposed to be spoiled. Most of the best people had perfect childhoods.

Let him cry himself to sleep ONLY if he is 3 years old and refuses to walk on his own. Only for extremes! I don't think that it sould ever be neccesary. It's not one of those things that are going to help a slightly spoiled child. It will only make your relationship worse.

Babies are smart and can easily understand emotions.

Answer 4

I don't believe babies can be spoiled. Of course they cry to be held. They need love and comfort. Your child will learn to sleep on their own if you let them scream, BUT they will learn a lot of other things as well. Their only way of communicating is through crying, if you ignore it you are teaching them that their efforts to communicate with you aren't working. You are also making them feel abandoned.
If you are going to let them cry themselves to sleep, go in every 5 or 10 minutes, to show them that you hear them and you will be there if anything is wrong, (never stay longer than 30 seconds, just show them that you are still around) This will help them know you aren't abandoning them and that their communication is working.

Answer 5

Most of this comment is in response to the mom who posted about her psych degree, b/c I think when people try to throw around bachelor's degrees it muddies the waters. I'm not an expert in any field, but I do want to set a couple of things straight.

Yes there is a theory in psychology that in the first year of life children develop their ideas of trust and mistrust. It can be seen especially in extreme cases of child neglect. Will letting your baby cry for 15 minutes (not repeatedly, not excessive, not all the time) cause trust/mistrust issues similar to those experienced by children who's parents should be arrested? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!

Furthermore, (and this is why I realized that this author is off) the verdict on daycare is still out. When people do biased research without looking at all the EVIDENCE BASED literature, they will come to their own conclusion that match their biases. I can find data that says ANYTHING I want it to, that doesn't mean it's true.

Current literature cites both advantages and disadvantage to daycare. Forgive me for not being able to remember the specifics, but I was not a psych major in school, just took a few courses. But if u search hard enough especially in psychology journals you'll see what's out there. Don't let this woman guilt you into thinking that daycare will ruin your child, or that a little bit of crying will make them never be able to trust another human being.

Answer 6

rather than screaming. Use the 1 min 2 min 3 min. Leave for 1 min then go in calm the baby without picking up, leave for 2 min then leave for 3 min. After that keep coming back every 3 min. The baby will realise you will come back. if it gets to desperation point then you lay them on their side and "pat" their bottoms in a rythmic motion till they calm and are almost asleep then leave. Never pat till they are asleep just until the eyes are slowly closing and opening. before leaving gently roll the baby on the back agin with a few more pats (patting is like GENTLE smacking, not like stroking, it is a rythmic thing that calms the baby without holding them)Babies need to learn to put themselves to sleep. If you hold them to sleep their last thing they see is your face. Later when they wake in bed alone they freak as you are gone. If they go to sleep in their bed and wake up in their bed there is nothing different to startle them. They don't know they have been asleep and hours have passed as far as they are concerned you were there one second and gone the next

Answer 7

Sometimes. After you have made certain that nothing else could be wrong with your baby then you can try letting the baby cry it out. Always let your baby know that you are always going to be there maybe hold his hand and tell him you're not going to rock him but reassure him at the same time that you are right there beside.

Answer 8

For those who doubt the research on day care is clear, you must face that many of the researchers have their babies in day care and hate the results they are getting. Sarah Friedman, head of the last set of data that showed day care is soooo bad for family bonding, and causes aggressiveness and poor school behavior actually wrote me and said that the damage might have been done by the color of paint on the day care center walls!!!!

When I wrote back and said, Dr. Friedman, this study says the child is damaged even if daddy is the substitute care giver. Is daddy repainting the house every day?

It is clear - and how could it be otherwise? How could a mammalian infant, a primate related to species every other one of which holds their infants for YEARS with no separation from mother, not be harmed by separation from mommy?

Our brain cells only form connections when we are being held. Our brain and health suffer when we don't get mommy's milk. Our ability to attach is harmed - and this has been demonstrated over and over by research for 50 years. That's why in europe, they don't do day care - they pay the parents to stay home with their kids. The harm to society caused by day care is huge and must be stopped.

Here's one of the lead researchers on daycare, Belsky, who said recently we must finally admit that the day care experiment has been a disaster and we must start rearranging society to support the end of separation between mommy and young child.

Any one who is paying attention to their own child can see separation is devastating to them. Biologically. And you know what - they don't stop crying because they get used to it - they stop crying because they give up, because they accept that mommy doesn't care that they hurt.

Answer 9

I had trouble getting my daughter to sleep. She woke up several times a night until she was 14 months old. My pediatrician recommended the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, and what a relief! It was painful, but within a week my daughter was sleeping through the night and we were both happier. Don't listen to those who will try to guilt you. Letting a child cry once in a while might be hard, but you will not scar her for life. Unless the poster has a degree in child psychology or has researched scientific studies that support their assertions.

Answer 10

I think there is balance between letting him cry a lot and never letting him cry. A little crying is normal and should be tolorated but finding that balance between too much and never is a relationship you and he will have to establish.

Don't harden yourself but don't be a sucker for a little crying either. Every child, no matter what their age, needs to feel they have some control over their little world...just not too much control.

Whatever your decision, remain compassionate and understanding... be firm but kind. Call someone before you lose your temper!

Answer 11

how old is he?

If he is older (8+ months) then I would say let him cry...at least for a little bit. If he doesn't stop after 15-30 minutes then go in a comfort him. But as long as you know nothing is wrong (hungry, wet, sick) then let him cry it out for a little while. I did this with my son. He only cried for like 10 minutes 2 nights and then was perfectly fine. He loves his crib now and goes right to sleep. He'll be a year old in 2 weeks