Should we talk or avoid?

Question

In a relationship, I often find that the arguments, bad emotions and breakups happen because of talking too much about everything (especially those things that are very negatively emotional). Most psychologists would agree that the problem is that we need to communicate MORE. Do you agree, or should we avoid talking sometimes? Explain.

Answer 1

I think that in some ways , back in the days of "yore", when a lot less was said, people seemed to be stronger and happier.
As much as I think good communication and talking is wonderful, I think sometimes its just overdone. Its talking something to death. I don't think we need to "avoid" talking, I just thing that people talk too darn much, especially with children, It kills me when I see these parents trying to have these meaningful, negotiating, conversations with a 1 year old!!! Just tell him NO and move on. Its crazy. I think if you are with a person for a long time, you have forever to learn everything, why rush it all with so much TALK right away??? Love isnt something that you say, its something that you do.

Answer 2

yes and no, it is important to let your partner know how you feel about a certain situation but it isn't worth it to pick at every little thing and analyse every move your partner makes.

I think that in certain situations, it is better to keep silent such as if your partner is innebriated and says something that people find offensive, or does something to piss you off, it is better to keep a cool head and discuss the matter when he/she is able to comprehend your point so in this instance I would keep quiet and discuss it when they are sobber or bring it up as an example.

Honesty is always the best policy, but this doesn't mean we have to put on a self righteous attitude and come off as arrogant or single minded, I prefer intelligent conversation to arguments, we can always agree to disagree on a subject. Why be angry because someone has a different point of view on a subject, this is how we learn, by looking at things from a different perspective and allowing your mind to grow by accepting the fact that not everyone can accept things the way you do and so on.

I hope I made sense and this is what you were looking for. Just my thoughts on a very good question by the way.

Answer 3

I've found that every time I fight with my bf it is just the same thing over and over and over. He complains about things I do and vice versa. We often times say what bothers us about each other but sometimes we don't really go about it the right way. What I mean by that is sometimes I make personal attacks at him and he does the same to me. Instead of nicely mentioning something to him about never helping me around the house I let it go for awhile and then I just flip out about it. Sometimes I'm also a complete nag and just make snide remarks to him all day until HE flips. I do believe that communication is very important but it has to be the right kind of communication. Instead of attacking each other it is important to sit down and talk calmly. If both people are willing to give 100% and have an open mind then thinks can be really good. It is also important to be able to take constructive criticism without getting bend out of shape about it. It also helps to at least TRY to see things from the others point of view when you are "communicating".

Answer 4

It's probably a good idea to avoid the negative things every once in a while. If you are constantly focusing on the negative maybe you need to be in a different relationship. There is a time and a place for everything.

Answer 5

I agree, Im a quiet guy who tends just to listen more than talk, this is a plus with most women but has lead me to many breakups in the past because I get sick of them talking all the time, its not that they are talking, I love listening, its what they are talking about, nothing. A couple needs to be on a close level of intelligence and emotionally similar or its tough.

Answer 6

I think talking is important. If there is a problem, you could make it worse by harboring resentment instead of working on it. But then of course there is the "If you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all" cliche. So I see what you mean. Maybe the key is more respect and general courtesy from both parties. I think we are missing a lot of that these days. Then maybe we wouldn't have to bite our tongue so much if we spent less time on personal attacks and more time talking about things that really matter.

Answer 7

most arguments continue and fester because the two combatants don't stick to the issue. the past actions, feelings and resentments are brought into the fray in order to inflict pain on the other, even though its regretted later. keep the argument clean and on the issue. YES, keep the lines of communications open, even if you have to write notes to each other. DON'T bring in a third party. the silent treatment has NEVER worked in solving an argument because it indicated that either or both are not open to more discussion and causes more resentments

Answer 8

i have to disagree. in my opinion, the problems are due to the fact that people don't really know each other very well but still they rush into relationships.... sometimes even if u live together for years with someone, they still can prove to be total strangers. the key is to be tolerant and know when something is said because of anger and when they really mean it. people don't always say what they mean... and maybe that's a good thing :) .... avoiding never solves anything, it only makes things worse...

Answer 9

If you are in a bad mood and all that comes out of your mouth is negative picking on your partner or history or whatnot, it is a good idea to not talk. As in the infamous words of Piglet I believe, If you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all. Otherwise communication is essential to any healthy relationship.

Answer 10

first may I point out that I am divorced.......

I always believe that a reasonable... objective... calm and thought out conversation is the best way to resolve things... My ex thought it was to get drunk and highly emotional and not remember anything about it the next day... then complain because I acted like we had resolved the issue and she felt it wasn't........... hmmmmmm

lol....

But mate... honesty with understanding is the best approach... ask how would I feel if someone told me this.. or said this.... and how would I like to be told etc etc...... so no immediate reactions.... stop.... think..... understand first... that is reaffirm what it is they are trying to tell you a sometimes whole conversations can be about something that never existed in the first place...... Don't I know.... lol

but most of all..... respect......