i had my first child at a early age (at 16) im 20 now) and i went through it on my own but as soon as my baby was born my whole family took over and now im pregnant with my partners baby and its his first child and he is over joyed about being a dad he is planing everything for the baby but i feel sad and scared inside. my first childs father has always made things difficult for me he wants everything his way i get told im the worse mother ever he tells me how long he wonts to keep our son when thats not what we agreed on he keeps him longer and it ruins my plans with my son and i get told on how he wants our son raised i dont get a say in anything and it stresses me out and i dont feel like im ready for my next baby and i dont understand i should be overjoyed i should be happy with my partner but all i do is put a fake smile on and pretend im happy. i want to enjoy this pregnantcy and feel overjoyed is there any suggestion to help me feel myself again. im starting to hate myself 4 it
2006-10-12 15:54:46 · 9 answers · asked by angel_babe_ 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
First of all, you sound depressed. That is a serious problem for a pregnant woman. You need to tell you obstetrician all of this and get some help. Maybe it is counselling or a group to talk to or a change in diet that can help. Your pregnancy may have changed your body chemistry and need some different vitamins to equalize it.
Second. Sounds as though the father of your first baby is trying to punish you. You need to realize that anything he says to you is colored by some anger he has about being a father and has nothing to do with whether or not you are a good mother. DO NOT BELIEVE HIM. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! He is trying to control you and your son, probably because he doesn't feel in control himself.
Third. You can get some legal help as others have suggested. A lot of services have lawyers that work for free or on a sliding scale. Here is a web site that charges $1 a day for legal advice and they will match you up with a lawyer in your area.
http://www.legalservices4less.com/overture/familylaw.htm?OVRAW=pro%20bono%20family%20lawyers&OVKEY=pro%20bono%20family%20lawyer&OVMTC=standard
I wish you love from your partner and your children, and lots of luck dealing with all this at an emotional time in your life.
2006-10-12 16:12:27 · answer #1 · answered by SympatheticEar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, CONGRADULATIONS!
Secondly, you need to get the custody thing worked out in family court with your first child. If it is really stressing you out you should do it now, otherwise wait until your new baby is born because the legal process is stressful and the stress can have negative effects on your baby. Of course it's not like you need extra stress once the baby comes out either, but at least then daddy can take him/her for the day. Right now it's all you.
If your current partner is as great as you say he is, your bad experience with the first dad shouldn't put a damper on your current pregnancy. Just focus on your current guy and how great he is. Think about him and how great of a dad he'll be. Maybe that will help you get excited about your little-one to-be.
Good luck and God Bless.
2006-10-12 16:05:50 · answer #2 · answered by brainy_ostrich 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go to the court system with your first baby. Get everything in writing, especially with who has him when (visitation). This way he is the one doing wrong by not giving you your baby.
As far as the new baby. Talk to your partner and let him know what is going on with you. Stress will harm your new baby. Your partner can help and support you.
2006-10-12 15:58:17 · answer #3 · answered by kelliemag 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey it sounds like your hormones are in overdrive.first and foremost you are not 16 anymore put your foot with daddy no 1 and tell he will get your son every other weekend like all of the other part time dads do and if he keeps him longer than agreed upon he will not get him again and you will see him in court. you have rights my suggestion to you is go to court and file visitation papers with pick up and drop off times...sounds like you are having a girl ...they always making you wacky from the very beginning I know I have a 15 yr old daughter I love her to death but she drives me nuts....do not let dad no 1 interfere this may be what he is trying to do get you all upset so that you can not enjoy this wonderful time... dad2 sounds great do not lose him and do not let dad1 get in the middle.... stand your ground .... get some counseling even if it is just to let off some steam you will feel better... you will feel great once you but mr tough guy Im going to do what i want guy in his place.... keep your chin up it will all work out enjoy your children sounds like they have a good mom
2006-10-12 16:15:58 · answer #4 · answered by singleandback 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you afraid that your current partner will treat you the way the other guy does? It might sound silly, but maybe you could tell your current guy how insecure your previous relationship has left you. You could ask him to give you little reassurances, like insisting that you get to make decisions like how to decorate the nursery and what to name the baby. Even just shopping for clothes might help you feel more in control of your parenting.
Also, there are alot of free parenting coarses out there for young moms, it might help you to feel more in control if you are the 'expert' on raising kids.
2006-10-12 16:08:57 · answer #5 · answered by HeyLady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did you have post-partum at all? from what i understand that can be that long so you could still be suffering....but i think you almost sound like your scared, like it's all going to happen again. that you want to be happy that you and your partner will be happy and all will go well....i think he is genuinely happy and that he wants all the best for your child and you...i think when you realize he isn't you former bf and doesn't have that attitude you will be happy. congrats and best wishes on a pleasant pregnancy!
2006-10-12 17:18:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to let a judge take care of it. He wasn't there in the beginning and he thinks now he can just take over. Does he pay child support?? I hope so. If not then have a judge take care of that too.
2006-10-12 16:03:41 · answer #7 · answered by Georgia Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take your fist baby dad to court to get things drawn out, then he has to obey certain stipulations that are set up at that time.
2006-10-12 16:02:24 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer Dalpe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take him to court for visitation. That can help some.
2006-10-12 15:57:28 · answer #9 · answered by omarion's mommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋