IShould I leave him?

Question

I am with a man who is the father of our 2 1/2 year old daughter. We have been together for 5 1/2 years but are not officially married. He treats me kind of crappy sometimes and won't help one bit financially, even if he is working. I feel so unhappy.... We just moved to Iowa from Colorado, we met in Iowa, and I know that I want him here, atleast in this state with me for our daughter's sake. I am approaching 30 at the end of this month and I know I don't want to be with him forever. I really want to start dating other people just for the closeness and affection. We haven't had sex in probably 2 months atleast. I think he's using me. We are staying at my parents until we get a house, but I don't want to buy a house with him cause I don't want to be with him forever. I need some advice, please help!

Another thing that bothers me is he seems so annoyed by our daughter, he reminds me all the time how he didn't want anymore kids (he has 2 with his X).

Answer 1

Sweetheart. Please reread what you just wrote. You said atleast twice that you clearly do NOT want to be with this man forever. So why waste another minute of your life with him?! I know you have a daughter together but seperate while she is still young. My parents seperated when I was 3 and I am soo thankful it wasnt at an age any higher than atleast 5 or 6 cause I would have understood better and would probably remember alot of what happend to this day. But because of how young I was, I am clear of all the things that happend at that time. So, do yourself and your daughter a favor.. And leave him. Dont spend another minute of your life with someone that doesnt give you the attention and support you deserve and certainly need. The least he can do is offer finacial support with you two having a child together and everything but hes not even doing that. Leave this ungrateful asshole for someone that is worthy of your time and that will be more supportive and helpful to you and your daughter. Hang in there and I hope my advise helped!

PS You only have one life to live. Live it to the fullest and be happy with every day you have on the earth. How can you do those things with someone that is treating you so negatively?!

Answer 2

First of all don't waste your time thinking what you should have done in the past all you can do is move forward. Never think that for the sake of your daughter you should be with this man. He is a horrible role model and his presence teaches your daughter to have low self esteem and settle for a man who will use and take advantage of her. He is of no use to you at all. He doesn't contribute financially,he doesn't love you and you are letting him think this is OK. Get in a support group for single mothers and drop his lazy butt. Don't go out right away looking for a new daddy for your daughter and someone to give you attention. You need to love yourself first and then you can be safe in your choices because you will be with someone because you want to not because you feel you need them. If you don't do this you leave yourself vulnerable to guys who will be controlling and abusive and possibly even pedophiles that will abuse your daughter. It's sad but true. It's a sick world we live in and those kind of guys prey on the weak. You are stronger than you think. After all you have been supporting yourself and your daughter for a long time. This man is like a dead weight on your leg just dragging you under. Cut him free while you are still young and lift your head up and be proud of yourself. If you can't get the courage to do it for yourself do it for your daughter.Both of you deserve so much better.

Answer 3

Hmm let me see If I understand.

1. he treats you kind of crappy
2.you do'nt want to be with him forever.
3.your lacking closeness and affection and wish to date others
4. yo haven't had sex in 2 mths at least.
5. you think he is using you.
6 . and you don't want to move into a new house with him as you
I think you have answered your own question here.

It's never good to stay with someone just because you know the routine and are afraid of the unknown. your staying with him for all the wrong reasons. if you had said help I love this man but were lacking something and you want to try to correct it then fine work on your marriage. but to stay and use this man and not love him and vise versa does none of you a favor. your both wasting your lives and time on something that isnt' going anywhere.

Some times you have to assess your situation and decide is it worth staying in the relationship. by what you have told us here. I would say no.

Not fair to him nor you or your child.

Find happiness elsewhere

good luck

Answer 4

You have already answered your own question. You don't want to be with him so get out of the relationship. Why prolong your unhappiness any longer? If he was a great support for you and not using you that would be different. You already know what you need to do, but taking that step is somehow scaring you. You and your daughter deserve better. Also you are teaching your daughter that women are suppose to work without the support of their mates. Is that what you want her to learn? Do her a favor and get out and find a man who can truly love you and your daughter. Set a good example for your precious child. Children mimic what they see.

Answer 5

Since you are staying with YOUR parents ask him to leave. You and your daughter deserve to be with someone who loves and appreciates you both. Kids are barometers for our feelings and has probably picked up on the negativity coming from her own father. The fact that he isn't providing for either of you financially just shows that he is irresponsible and mooching off of your parents.
While 30 isn't 20 it is far from being old. Look how many fantastic looking celebs there are at 40,50,60 even. You are a viable person and deserve to have some fun. You need to ask him to leave and then you need to take steps that will enable you to live on your own with your daughter. Take a certificate course at your local junior college or tech school. There are funds available for grants. Just apply. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain for yourself and your child. He's a loser unfortunately, don't go down with his financially sinking ship.

Answer 6

First, do not start dating. This will only create more pain for you as you avoid resolving the current relationship. This is not that easy. You do not just walk away and be happy. You need to focus on being you - and you need to focus on your daughter. Try counseling, if he won't go, you should go. People on the internet are not going to give you the 'advice' you need. From what I can tell you sound like (because of the wanting to date thing) you have some self esteem issues and are trying to fix them by seeing if anyone else can love you. Maybe that's not it but it sounds mighty risky to me. And certainly do not introduce any new men to your child.

Answer 7

I don't understand your problem. You are unhappy. The relationship doesn't exist.. he treats you like crap.. he doesn't help.. he just hangs out.. you want someone else and don't want to get a house with him. Those things should answer your question FOR you.. Three words, Honey.. KICK HIM OUT! As for him being there for your daughter? why? What kind of role model is he? He isn't there for your daughter NOW... if he isn't helping financially.. then I can guarantee he isn't there emotionally either.. Kick this fool out and find someone who will love you and your daughter and show you the respect you deserve. Good luck.

Answer 8

The free ride needs to be over so you can discover what life has in store for you.Also,surely any financial arrangement you can work out privately as far as help with the child would be far preferrable than the courts tell him.Surely you do not want this example of unhappiness for you precious child,let them know better!Go after what you desreve in life,or there'll be a lot of pain and regret later.Best of luck!

Answer 9

Let the guy know, then let him go. It is his responsibility to be there for your daughter. We make the mistake as women by trying to be responsible for men or trying to make a situation for him to be responsible. That is just helping him to keep being irresponsible. You should tell him you no longer want to be together and start going out with girlfriends until he gets out of the house. He will have to be more responsible once he is on his own. And make sure he pays child support, no excuses. Unless the guys you date have their own house and you can keep it confidential don't date until you tie up loose ends, it's not fair to bring someone into a mess.

Answer 10

Seek a professional therapist to sort out those feelings and perhaps guide you to the necessary resources for a possible life change without the guy. Remember, life is too short, why go through it unhappy?