Why do some people try too hard to impress others?

Question

There is always one in the crowd that says:

"I've been there, done that" (Blah Blah Blah)

This person also seems to have a compulsive disorder in telling lies. No matter what the topic/issue, this person has done it all before...(& better).

The sad thing is, everyone that he knows, knows he lies & thinks he is a bit of a "....", but they do nothing (just laugh behind his back).

I have approached him before regarding this - but he ends up believing his own lies (such as "when I was at... or When I use to do this..."). All are a figment of his imagination. Everybody knows he was not there or doing that.

I finally ended up just being polite & humouring him, allowing him to go on & speak his "...", but this is now gradually causing alot of frustration, especially when different circles of friends & colleagues are brought together.

I realise this person might feel he needs to 'fit' in, but he would if he would just be himself.

Any thoughts?

Answer 1

Oh my God!! You just described a friend of mine! My friend is female. Anytime I tell her anything, she tells me she has a friend whose done it, experienced it, etc. For example, if I say that someone I know has a disease, she'll know at least one person who has the same disease. And it is the same with everything. I can't even talk about anything without her bringing someone she knows into it. I even gave her legal advice and after I was finished, she said she'd ask her friend's dad, who practiced the same kind of law as I do. Like he'd know more than I do. It drives me crazy. She also has to be the center of attention. If you talk about something that does not interest her, she will interrupt you in mid-sentence. And she is always so dramatic. She is very judgmental of other people, and has high expectations of them. She often talks about other people in a negative way for doing things that I think are no big deal. I think she may have histrionic personality disorder, or possibly narcissistic personality disorder. Maybe your friend is the same way.

I think the reason our friends do this, is because they have some extreme insecurity. They want us to think that they have lots of friends, lots of knowledge, and lots of past experiences. They may feel that their own lives are so insignificant, that they feel they need to keep others interest by making things up. Or maybe they don't even realize they are lying(although I never quite understood that theory). Do you know if your friend had something tragic happen in his childhood. My friend's father abandoned her and her family when they were pretty young, and the family had a difficult time coping, both emotionally and financially. A sibling of hers told me that they had to put on a front while growing up, and that may be where it came from.

I guess my advice to you is to take him in small doses. He is probably a good person, he just has unusual needs. I know it's difficult to tolerate, as honesty is pretty much key in any relationship, but try to remember that the dishonesty is harmless. Do you trust your friend in other ways? I don't think it would help to confront him, because he will just get defensive, deny it, and if he's anything like my friend, go around and bad mouth you to other people for the mere suggestion that he is lying. And he probably won't change anyway. My friend's family is aware of the problem, and they have been trying for years to help her, unsuccessfully. I feel for you!!

Answer 2

Personally, there are a lot of reasons from a psychologist point of view. Is it due to his insecurities? Does he want to control people's actions and feels unhappy if noone accepts his plans or his plans go wrong? Or maybe he has some family problems... Maybe he doesnt feel loved. That's a thousand over reasons.... Just look deep and find the injured soul lying beneath.

Answer 3

i don't think it has much to do with insecurities, id say he is lonely and is desperate to make friends. in an attempt to do so he makes up extravagant stories to befriend others. if he is older and this has been going on a while, more than likely he is a pathological liar.

Answer 4

They are insecure with themselves, so they feel like they have to impress people for others to like them.

Answer 5

maybe he feels that he needs to say those things in order to feel included....or it's just the plain old insecure factor --- the "i need to show off to my friends so i won't look like a loser in their eyes" attitude can come into play because they might be afraid that if they don't have anything in common to talk about with their friends they might lose those said friends or something like that... idk, try and talk with him again or regard his family as to whether he has done this for most of his life...maybe they can help you

Answer 6

Do his moods swing wildly? You might research bi-polar symptoms. It's my understanding they cannot be proven wrong and truly believe what they say. They insert what they've said as the true reality.

Answer 7

To feel accepted, loved, wanted.
Everyone needs to be heard and validated.
We're human after all.

Answer 8

mmmn. yes. i agree.

hey!! i think someone should come in the defence of the small percentage of ppl who have had a lot of life crammed into the years that they've lived. yes but still pasting it allover the place or exaggerating wildly may not be the best policy for retaining interest...

Answer 9

I know people like that and it is annoying as hell...because they don't realize/don't care that they're not TRULY fitting in, but are becoming their own figments of their imagination.

Sad sad sad

Answer 10

This person may have a mental disorder. Ever taken that into consideration?