help!! im stuck ladies?

Question

i have a bit bit of a problem and i need the ladies opinion on this. Im 27. i find it extremly difficult to go up to a girl i like and talk to her and the more Im attracted to her the more i mess it up with my eye contact before i even start. it is really annoying and frustrating. thanks for replies

Answer 1

OK, confidence building 101 ... I posted this same answer for another guy, but it seems to apply to you too, so I hope that you don't mind the cut & paste.

You are probably taking it personally when other people do not react to you in the way that you expect them to. Learn how to stop doing that (taking it personally), and you will have solved most of your problem (it worked for me).

You also seem to be thinking of the woman as a goddess or something, and you are psyching yourself out. She is just as human as you are with the same feelings that you have. Instead of thinking of her as a potential date, think of her as a cool GUY that you would like to meet and act accordingly. What is the worst that could happen to you? That she doesn't like you? So what? There are other people out there besides her, you know.

Remember, how people react to you probably has more to do with them, and the kind of day that they were having so far, than it does with you. If someone does not want to talk to you, act as if it is no big deal (no matter how she reacts) and move on to the next person. The opinion of just ONE person does not matter, so quit worrying about the reaction of the last crazy person that you met. There ARE nice people out there, and you will find them if you keep talking to people.

If you are still felling nervous around people, remember this, you are a nice person, aren't you? Don't you make a loyal and good friend? If so, then anyone who doesn't want to talk to you is missing out, since THEY do not get to meet YOU. If a person doesn't want to be your friend, then they are the one who have lost their chance to meet a great person like yourself. Anyone who doesn't want to meet you probably did you a favor, since you don't want to be friends with a shallow person anyway, and they saved you the trouble of dumping them. Also keep in mind that girls don't always know how to act around guys either. They are just as nervous as you are, so relax.

When you are talking to a girl, and you feel too shy to maintain eye contact, make sure that you look away by moving your eyes horizontally across the room as if you were looking for someone else. Do NOT look down, like most shy guys do (she will think that you are looking at her boobs, and get offended). If you do accidentally offend someone, don't be so apologetic about it that you look line a wimp (in the long run, women hate that). Just calmly say that you are sorry once and if she cannot drop it, then either tell her to drop it, or else find someone else to talk to.

Women think that self-confidence is sexy, so when you approach her, treat her as an old acquaintance whom you haven't seen in awhile -- in short, act comfortable around her and act like fun. Try going up to her and cracking a joke about her. It seems counter-intuitive, but try making fun of her a little, you know, tease her. Walk over to her and say something outrageous like, "man is that a big handbag! What do you have in there, a gun?" (just don't get her into trouble). Teasing her makes you seem self-confident AND fun at the same time. As long as it is funny, you will look confident for taking a risk by saying something that might possibly be offensive (like you are indifferent to what people might think), and you will also seem fun for making her laugh. If she gets upset, just look at her calmly and say, "relax - it was only a joke."

Self-confidence and humor are the two things that most women say that they are looking for in a man. BTW, do not make comments about her body, or how pretty she is, because that sounds creepy coming from a stranger (Besides, pretty girls get told by guys about a hundred times a day how pretty she is -- you don't want to sound just like every other creep who has been trying to get into her pants). And make sure that you keep eye contact (if you get shy and start to look down at the floor (or her body) like most guys do, she will think that you are looking at her boobs and get offended).

By the way, if you seem needy, overly shy, too awkward, or too nervous around people, then they will feel hesitant about speaking to you because they will feel like you are a person who is easily offended, and they will feel nervous talking to you. Approach people with a self-confident smile that implies that you already know that they will like you, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy since your positive attitude will be catching. Make sure that you make consistent eye contact, because that implies interest in the other person (always flattering), and it implies self-confidence (the opposite of fearful & needy). Keep talking to different people, and you will soon become better at it. You will soon feel confident, since you will realize that it is not really all that difficult.

Also, if you find yourself staring at a cute girl, and she looks up and sees you looking at her, do NOT do what most guys do; most guys in this situation will get shy and immediately look AWAY. If you read girls responses on Y!A, you will notice that this freaks girls out. If she sees you, ALWAYS maintain eye contact no matter how scary it seems, until SHE looks away. This makes you look confident. After that, do not keep looking at her. Ignore her and go talk to other people. She will probably come over and talk to you in order to see what's up.

Try going to the webpage below, and sign up for the free newsletter. You sound like that you need it.

Answer 2

From one shy person to another, you need to be confident. It may seem impossible to come up with the confidence to say what you want to a girl that you like, but maybe you can try to work on it. Eye contact isn't really all that hard. If you're in the same room as her just look in her direction a couple times and you may catch her glance. If you do, give her a smile. Not a huge grin and not a tiny, almost imperceptible smile. Just a medium-ism smile that could get her to smile back. Let it go from there. If it happens a couple times, maybe she'll approach you. Just do your best to be confident. Because I'm sure that there's something about you that would make this girl want to get to know you. You've just got to make her take notice of you. Good luck!

Answer 3

Practice practice practice.

Also, you've got technology on your side. If you meet someone online (I met my fiance in a chat room...strange, but true), you can begin talking via IM or email first, then phone....actually get to know them a little before you meet in person. That's not so odd anymore and actually works out better for people who are shy.

Answer 4

You know, sometimes it's good to get involved in a 'hobby' that single people enjoy - like volleyball. You end up on teams, have to play a game and that 'awkwardness' isn't there. Lots of things - like skiing, wine-tasting, art auctions.... lots of places.

If you find yourself at a bar - simply walk up and say "Would you like a drink or what's your favorite drink?".... Let her know you're a little shy. Women like it anyway.... better to approach a woman subtly than bulldoze her.

Answer 5

Remind yourself- to relax stop trying so hard.

Go up and just talk the worst she can do is reject you and the truth is MOST won't be rude when they do and you may find more don't reject you at all.

No one dies from hearing no thanks from a woman so swallow your fear and just be yourself and talk to them it honestly doesn't hurt and yeah we are used to you guys sounding a bit silly at first but practice makes a confident guy!

Answer 6

Take a deep breath and count to 10. Just be yourself around the girls. It's ok to just say "hey, how's it going" and then wait for her reply. Take it from there. You can do it - have faith in yourself.

Answer 7

ahhh I wouldnt worry too much about most girls know guys get nervous, im the same way, an the truth is they are prob' just as nervous as you are... just gotta remeber they ppl just like you an calm yourself as much as you can... An if they like they are better an look at you like ur crazy they prob' aint worth ur time.... best of luck...,. [e-mail]

Answer 8

Start on fat chicks.

Answer 9

be courageous brother