Refuse to get married and have kids.?

Question

I recently had a co-worker who said he refuses to get married and have kids because he considers it a rat race (financially and socially) in today's America and that he doesn't want to be a sole-provider so a woman can use procreation as an excuse to not work for the next 15-20 yrs. If you knew someome like this what would you think of him and what social problems and stigmas do you think he will face during his life. He is 26 yrs old.

Answer 1

Yes, I have heard this from a couple of my male co-workers. I would think that's their choice. However, someone who thinks this way is severely limited in his views about marriage in general...not to mention negative. Not all women marry and have kids just so they can have an excuse not to work. That is some bs. He is generalizing women too much.

I hate for him to eat his words when the time comes that he meets that special someone who will change his mind.

Answer 2

i don't care he's a man whom had a unhappy upbringing that's why he made his narrow minded opinion.i think people should get married if it s for them but if they have negative feelings about it because of there upbringing changes ppl opinions about marriage. if ppl were brought up in a unhappy marriage house hold they'll be bitter about marriage and obligation , but those whom live the same lifestyle will not be turned against marriage at all. he may of had a father whom complained about working all the time and that what his mom does isn't work but sitting around on herass watching price is right and etc. Some men have that opinion of a stay at home wife that they are lazy and don't do nothing all day while they bring home there checks and blah blah.. don't worry about his stigmas just don't let other ppl's opinions turn you off of marriage.. An may be you should drop this narrow minded co-worker as friend at work and keep it business.

Answer 3

He will not face any. This is a diverse society, and there are so many different kinds of people.

I know because I am 39 and have never been married. I'll never get married (I've been saying that since I was about 19!). I'll never have kids either.

I have set up a slightly different life for myself and I like it that way. For example, I make a typical white-collar salery but I can afford to travel like most married people with kids cannot.

http://members.aol.com/freedog1000/

As for it being a "rat race", I see what he means. I work for a large company and its almost entertaining watching my coworkers get married and divorced, over and over. Funny how they always make a bid deal about the marriage but the divorce is hush-hush. I would say marriage is an obsolete social custom. What purpose does it serve?

The answer below mine brings back memories. When I was 19 and said i would never get married and have kids, guess who took me seriously? Nobody. Now at 39, I think people finally believe me. (laugh)

Answer 4

As a childfree woman myself, if I were single, I'd want to date him and possibly marry this guy!

He sounds like he has his head on straight, and he is speaking the truth for himself, however subversive it might be. BULLY FOR HIM! BRAVO!

Marriage and/or parenthood is not for everyone. Most people, though, opt for one or both because most people like being loved, romantically and/or by children. But there are some people out there, like me and this co-worker, who are not cut from the same conventional cloth as most. And we represent diversity.

Personally speaking, I always knew from childhood that I definitely wanted to be married and have a deep, true love of my life, with nothing, especially children, to come between me and my husband. This guy sounds like he's like that, too. I applaud him for knowing what he does and does not want out of life. Often knowing what you do NOT want is slightly more important than knowing what you DO want out of life.

I think what he's saying is that he does not like the old-fashioned notions of the nuclear family 1950s style, where the man is the head of the household and breadwinner, and the woman is the wife, housekeeper and mother. I think also that this young man may very well be baiting you and saying deliberately provocative things because you may, to him, represent bourgeois middle class, conformism. He may be trying to rile you up just to get a reaction, because he intuits (quite correctly) that these comments fluster and perplex you. And he's right.

Speaking as a childfree woman, he won't face any social problems or stigmas, not in 21st century America. People are free to be who and what they want to be. No one is forced to marry; no one is forced to procreate -- and this is the way it should be, worldwide. How much more sane to do what suits us, rather than blindly follow "the script"! How much more sane to play to our strengths and recognize our strengths and weaknesses, and not just go along because everyone else is doing the same things.

He may change his mind; he may not. At 26, I knew with absolute certainty that I did want a good, strong, loving marriage and absolutely nothing to do with parenthood. It's been the best decision I ever made, eclipsing even going to college and getting two degrees. I feel like I dodged a bullet and got away with something, because my life has so much freedom!

Anyway, bottom line -- what do YOU care what he does with his personal life, so long as he performs adequately on the job? Americans can be so nosy -- speaking as an American! LOL Don't ask questions you don't want answered truthfully. Maybe this guy told you a little more truth, and phrased it a lot more subversively and plainspokenly, than you wanted to handle!

Cheers, K

Answer 5

It is NOT an OBLIGATION in our society to reproduce...........in fact, I wish many people would take a cold hard look at themsleves and decide that maybe they better NOT reproduce. If he chooses not to, the maybe he cancels out one or two of the kids born to people who have no business having kids. Its his choice and ppl who say hes selfish are ignorant. Some people really just should not have kids, and they recognize that EARLY and make that desicion! 26 is not that young!! Hes a grown man and hes entitled to doing whatever makes him happy. I personally know SEVERAL women who went after big-shot carreers and got 10-15 yrs down that path and decided it was too damn hard..........wished they had taken the mommie path instead........and promptly sought out and married the first dumb slob they could find and get impregnated by so that they could do exactly what your friend accuses women of......sit home, get fat, watch tv and be TERRIBLE mothers because they really never had any true maternal instincts in the first place and were just tired of the pressure and responsibility of work. That really happens folks..........there really ARE people who should NOT have kids bc they have them for the WRONG reasons. Your friend is smart and in touch with himself and he is entiteled to his opinions and to pursuit of happiness, however he might find it.

Answer 6

I would feel sorry for him, but it's his choice to make. I don't think he'll face to many social problems or stigmas unless he become the weird dog guy in the neighborhood. It's different for men. They aren't as pressured to settle down and have kids as women are. Although he's only 26. He may meet someone down the line and change his mind. One never knows what life will throw at them until it happens.

Answer 7

honestly i dont think he will face any social stigmas by choosing to be a bachelor. there are many men who go this route and have a full fufilling life. mind u he is only 26 yr old. he has time to change his mind. right now he may feel this is the road he wants to take but in a few yrs he may feel different. and if he doesnt then thats fine too

Answer 8

Actually I know someone like this. The fact was he didn't love his wife enough to have a family with her. He was still in love with his HS Sweetheart in reality. After 20 years of marriage and at the age of 40 he had a reverse vasectomy, married a babe from a third world country and had a baby with her, within the first year.

Answer 9

What difference does it make to you? The world would be a much better place if people thought twice about having kids and the kids that were born were all wanted children. How many times do you see a parent screaming at a kid in public? They never should have had kids. I think if he doesn't want to be a parent and he knows that, he should be supported and applauded.

Answer 10

I don't think he will face any social problems or stigmas. He is a man and having a family is considered his business. Matter of fact, some companies may view his beliefs as a bonus.
As for my opinion he sounds like a self centered jerk who doesn't understand or appreciate the role of a wife and mother who chooses to stay home. Nor does he understand the ramifications for children of parents who are constantly absent due to work. If he knew how much sacrifice and work it takes to have and raise children he wouldn't say something so obviously ignorant and biased.