how to not let negativity get the best of you?

Question

I really let things get to me, i wish i could stop and just brush things off but the more i try i keeping thinking of whats got the best of me. for instance at work today...i am a supervisor of a area in a retail store, i supervise people older than me, and i guess thats what makes them think they have to make me feel low because i am younger and they probably feel they are old enough to be my mother. how do i put people in place without being disespectful and if that doesnt work how do i brush it off and let work stay at work and when i come home have a peace of mind?

Answer 1

First, nobody can make you feel low unless you let them.

Second, don't assume that it is because they are older than you they are doing what they do. Sometimes it may not be that older workers feel old enough to be a younger supervisor's mother, but there's a dynamic that goes on: Someone young may approach her job with enthusiasm and the belief that working her way up in something like retail will give her a chance to build a career. Old workers in retail could be people who are, say, mothers. Maybe they had jobs that were more prestigious than retail before but had to retail for the hours or because it was easier to get hired in retail than to look for the "dream job" with mother's hours.

Other older retail workers may be there for the hourly wage and nothing else. It isn't that they don't believe they should give their employer their money's worth while they're there, but they have their lives outside of work and aren't either getting or looking for any kind of personal reward or advancement. It is very easy for the mature workers to have the feeling that this work isn't curing cancer, and so there is no reason to get all worked up about much of what goes on there. Supervisors who are hoping to work their way up can get tunnel vision when it comes to their worrying about doing everything in a way that will be seen as excellent (or at least acceptable).

It is true that sometimes people who have lived a little longer have had enough loss and grief in their life that they feel they have seen what is "important in the scheme of things", and if they think someone else is all wrapped up in what they see as "minor issues" they will probably not respect that person for that reason.
I'm not saying this is your situation. I'm just saying it is a common situation.

All I can think of is for you to treat them with respect (but not "foot-kissing"), and if one of them doesn't treat you with respect politely mention to him/her that you're willing to consider work issues; but you're not willing to be treated in a disrespectful way.

Sometimes the retail situation is structured in a way that "makes a big deal about" who is supervisor to the point where it can look stupid to some workers (for example, I happen to know that Walgreens has its clerks address supervisors as "Mr"/"Ms", when people working at, say, high-tech corporations at corporate level often call the vice president or other executives by their first name). Maybe your store has built in some things like this, and maybe you take them for granted as being how it is, while maybe the older workers just see some things as stupid.

I think you should see your co-workers/subordinates (whatever you want to call them) as a team you're on. Be willing to listen if they have ideas about how something can be done better, but let them know you also expect them to listen to your ideas about what could be done better (and that you're willing to explain to them why you think it will improve things but may have to institute some policy about doings things even if other people don't like it).

Because you have said you can't just brush this off it makes me wonder if you are making more of this issue than is appropriate. Might it be that you're too young or too insecure of too worried about getting them to like you or maybe even worried about losing your job (or being reported to higher ups by these people) that make you worry about it when you're at home?

You have a right to be treated with respect. If you "nip it in the bud" each time someone says something that is disrespectful eventually each person will stop doing it.

Of course, sometimes what one person sees as not being treated with respect someone else sees as simply offering a different opinion. You may want to talk to your own supervisor/manager to try to get a reading on whether what you're seeing as lack of respect really is or if you're bordering on being a "little tyrant" and not wanting other people to say anything and instead just do what you say.

I don't mean to "blame the victim". Again, I'm not saying anything I've said applies to your situation. I just thought I'd offer some comments on what I know CAN happen between younger and older workers.

Answer 2

I dont agree with the previous answer "give them "task they hate doing" - how would that be helpful? Wouldnt that just be negative? And negativity breeds negativity.

I think to combat negativity - you need to choose happiness. Happiness is a choice. Honestly. You can choose to let these people get to you or you can choose to be a bigger person A happy person. And I don't mean be naive and let people walk all over you - I mean think of the bigger picture and ask yourself "will this really matter when I am 80?"

Answer 3

First of all, the way I combat negativity is if I'm starting to feel down, I do something nice for myself like give myself a foot massage.

Second of all, you are the manager. Put your foot down. If they say something to you that's disrespectful, give them a task they hate doing. Start a new policy: respect everyone. Those who are respectful will be rewarded, and those who aren't will be punnished. If you're working retail, respect is the first thing your employees should do for themselves, their customers, and you.

Answer 4

while at work..work your best, and do whats best for the job......if the older ladies ( put you down) they really putting the job down....so they arent doing their job well ,,,call them on this and keep the focus on the job...and whats best for the job........And as for taking the feelings home with you......make it a point, that when you step outside the door of work, to feel the breeze and let the breeze blow away all negativity around you and clear your mind.

Answer 5

If you are being tactfully stern, they should not be offended. It may even be just new to you, and you just need to know you are not disrespecting anyone, only doing your job.
Don't be so hard on yourself and do something after work that will allow you to unwind. Something you enjoy.
Exercise does wonders for all of us.... Best to you! Smile! :o)

Answer 6

thye need correction for sure
managing means to have a lot of courage
in the last 3 days i had 3 discussions of "correction" behaviours
it is hard they seem always discoraged and attacked but I have to keep talking and keep explaining them that you have nothing bad personally with them.

Answer 7

Well it's natural that older women would feel intimidated by you..so just be nice and don't act bossy and listen to what they have to say..

Answer 8

Make sure you read the long entry that someone else posted.