we have three children 9,4,9mnths she been cheating on me with a 300lb lazy black man, yes my family is white friends tell me if you love her you will accept the mix baby as my own
2006-10-12 12:14:54 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Would it make any difference to you if the baby were white? She's cheated on you! It doesn't matter with who or what, the fact is she's cheated!
File for divorce and keep the kids. She obviously doesn't care about her family.
2006-10-12 12:17:05 · answer #1 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The race of the child doesn't make a difference. What does is the fact that she cheated on you and became pregnant.
You will have to decide if you will stay or not. I don't envy you the position she has placed you in.
One thing I do know is you will be the child's stepfather, should you decide to stay in the marriage. Will you be able to care for and support the child? Maybe you will never be able to love it as your own, but you should be able to give it the simple human decency it deserves. If for no other reason than the well being of the child, you should think long and hard whether you feel you would be able to do this. The child will be a giant reminder of your wife's infidelity every day. Will you be able to overcome this if you stay?
If your wife's transgression is just too large for you to overcome, I believe it would be best to leave the relationship, for your sanity and the well-being of the child.
I wish you well, and I hope you can get by this sorrow and hurt.
2006-10-12 15:29:30 · answer #2 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you? Can you accept this baby? Treat this baby as you would your own. You have 3 children right now, if you stay in this marriage you will have 4. You have to know in your heart that you can do this. The baby is innocent, and you can't take out your hurt on it. Can you forgive your wife? Truly forgive her.
Are you sure this baby isn't yours? If she was sleeping with you both, it could be yours. If you know for a fact that it isn't, then only you can decide what is the right thing to do. What does your wife want? Does she want you to forgive and forget? It's going to take a strong man to raise another man's child. then you have to consider the fact that the baby is mixed,...how are you going to deal with the questions, and the stares. Can you handle it?
If you can, I think it's the most wonderful thing in the world, and your wife needs to get down on her knees and thank you and God for giving her a second chance. Honey, don't let family and friends make your choices, you are the one that has to live it.
Please give it thought carefully, take your time. This is not a easy decision for you whether you stay or not. So, search your heart, ask yourself some hard questions...be honest with yourself-and your wife...
God bless us all.............
2006-10-12 12:33:06 · answer #3 · answered by totallylost 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you have been having problems BEFORE the cheating began! you needs to address THOSE first. that IS why women cheat after all. shoot, I'd even go so far as to say it's why MEN cheat! You need to figure out what the issues are in the relationship that CAUSED the cheating in the relationship. Why did she invest in a 300lb black man instead of her husband? 8 years is NOT a long marriage. 30 years is a long marriage. Then you can address the cheating. which DOES need to be addressed. Communication is the key. She's getting something from the guys you aren't giving her. you need to find out what that is. I'm not justifying her behavior. I'm saying you need marriage counseling. Biblically, you have grounds to divorce her. But I'm not saying you should. the fact that you question it says you still love her and that shows that there is hope. and that is good. the question is, how does she feel? obviously, she would have filed for divorce instead of resorting to cheating. since neither of you went to the courthouse there must be some hope. so get to work on your relationship. As for the baby, since it IS hers, you are officially a step father but this man will always be a part of your life. you need to treat him with respect, even though he has defiled your marriage bed with your wife. your wife needs to treat him with respect as well. he may want visitation. he needs to be allowed visitation. unless he decides to give up parental rights. but not many men do hat. because of your situation and the fact that the mother of his child is MARRIED, he may do that. and the fact that the husband has a fatherly interest in his child he may willing. however, men can be funny creatures regarding property, which they tend to view children as. so the man is a wild card. your wife is the only one who can gague whether he is going to want parental rights. The best thing to do is to focus on the relationship and let your wife take care of the baby situation. If she is truly remorseful and is willing to work on the relationship with you, she's a keeper who botched things up. if not, then let her go. treat the father with respect and he will see the baby will grow up in a decent home where manners are taught and parents are running the show. this will make him feel at ease. Please above all, don't forget there is a baby in the mix, and he or she will be growing up in a very difficult situation. Dont' let him or her be the subject of alot of conflict. If you and your wife stay together, you WILL have to accept this baby as your own. You will have to forgive your wife of thecheating. Truly forgive her. Even if the father comes around. Apparently, he's gonna be like family. your family will be changing. Whatever you do, do not give this baby the job of keeping you together or making you a family. this baby should not be enployed for a very long time. It isn't fair to the baby. You have to be the adult. one more thing: If he decides to get custody, be prepared to pay child suppport. the odds of him GETTING custody is slim, buecause the mother is married, but you never know with our crazy court system and you didn't say whether he was married or not. but he may try to ask for it. Just be prepared for it. He ay try asking while she is pregnant. Good luck with your situation.
2006-10-12 12:41:50 · answer #4 · answered by leeanndemon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry she's been cheating... that's a rough gig to work through.
The issue of the baby's color, or the guy she's been burning you with, shouldn't even be the issues. The REAL issue is that your wife of eight years--the women who swore to stay faithful to you--has been burning you behind your back. THAT'S the issue.
If you love her enough to stay with her (and you're a better man than I if you do), the color of the child still doesn't matter. It's just a color. What you should be worried about is if you can trust her... and if she'll cheat again. Also, if that other man IS the father of the baby, he will become a part of your life... so you should be prepared for that (if you stay).
Have you talked to her about why she cheated? What was your marriage lacking (not necessarily your fault at all) that drove her to seek another man?
Good luck!
2006-10-12 12:21:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that the issues of betrayal and forgiveness must first be reckoned with by you and you alone. It's not about what your family of friends think regarding this "delicate" matter. You must make a decision that you can live with for the rest of your life. Granted, staying with your wife or considering a separation which could ultimately lead to divorce is not easy to do. Neither can the decision be made in just one day. It is something that you will have to think long and hard over. Not only for the sake of your mental stability, but also for the unborn child.
Consider if you will be able to "parent", accept and love unconditionally this child as if he or she truly were you own.?
Will you be able to forgive your wife, and try to understand why she began an extra-marital relationship to begin with? Will you accept her reason(s) for doing so?
Consider how you truly feel about Black people and their culture.
While this baby is mixed he or she must know and understand "both" cultures; Afro-American and Caucasian.
Will you be able to handle the Father of this child either wanting to be apart of his or her life OR having absolutely nothing to do with the baby, and therefore, you assume total responsibility for the upbringing of the child?
These are truly the questions that matter most, and the answers can not be found in the voice of friends and relatives; only you can rightfully determine if you are capable of loving a child whom you did not Father and is of mixed heritage. May you be lead by your heart and not your mind.
2006-10-12 14:44:41 · answer #6 · answered by roddy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dude did you eat paint as a child, spend a little to much time sniffing glue in school, of course not leave her skanky assss now! gather up everything and just bolt, or throw her tricky a s s out and don't look back, it doesn't matter how long you been married, what color you are, cheating is cheating and that is the one thing I will not tolerate from a woman. I would rather have my balls stomped on repeatedly by a fat woman wearing high heels than give someone who cheated on me a second chance, no exeptions, I could be married to the hottest woman on the planet and if she went out to get some strange, then she can just stay out cuz she wouldn't come back in. kids or no kids
2006-10-12 12:21:46 · answer #7 · answered by smitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a lot to think about.If you stay with her you will have to accept the baby.Are you willing to do that.If not don't put the baby through that.I can't easily say dump her because I don't know how you feel about her.The only thing you can really do is sit her down and the both of you have a heart to heart talk.That way if you decide to leave, you would have gotten all of your feelings out and there will be nothing left to say unless it is concerning your children.
2006-10-12 13:03:54 · answer #8 · answered by tamlala6 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the other guy isn't going to be there for the baby i think maybe you should be a father figure becasue that baby has no fault for your wife's actions. You should divorce her. She obviously doesn't care enough for her family and commitment she made to you.
You should ask for custody of the kids and truthfully at this point you have a 99% chance of getting them.
Good luck I hope i have helped and I'm so sorry you have to go through all this after 8 years of marriege.
2006-10-12 12:41:57 · answer #9 · answered by hopeincubus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can answer this question. I must say it'll cause a lot of uncomfortable questions coming from your kids and others since the baby will not look like the your children. I know ppl who stay with their wives who have cheated on them but no one but him, his wife and the person his wife cheated on know about it. So he gets to salvage some of his pride. You will not be able to do that. Hope this helps.
2006-10-12 12:20:44 · answer #10 · answered by love-a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋