My dad is cheating on my mom -- should i tell her?

Question

Hi..
I found out that my dad cheated on my mom. So i really love my mom and i dont her heart to be broken.. but i feel like she should know.. but she trusts my dad completely like that and she always used to say "if only you were as honest as your father" to me and my sisters.. I know she will be so upset if she found out and i dont want her to be so what should i doooo.

ok thanks im gonna tell my dad that i know

Well my mom has been out of the state for business for the past few days and my dad works at home, but yesterday he said that he wasnt going into boston for a meeting with one of his clients and won't be back until like 4:00 PM. So, i left school at 9:00 this morning and came back to my house with my gf but he was home. so i wanted to see if i could sneak into my room so i could get a condom so i looked in the basment window to see if he was in his office, and he is having sex with this lady who wasnt my mom on his chair. then i ran back into my car and drove away so fast.. my gf knows too because she was there and its weird.

well "my dad is alderting on my mom" didnt fit so i said cheating. sorry that you were confused.

Answer 1

Tell your dad that you know and what you feel and why. Take your complaint to the person doing the wrong thing first, (whether you are sure or not.) Otherwise you have clearly made them the enemy by gossipping behind their backs. Tell him what you know and listen to his story and/or apologies if he has any. This is the only decent way to begin, IMHO (unless you can proclaim honestly to the world that you feared violence.)

As or telling your mom, I would consider carefully whether or not she will believe you. If not, then you have harmed without any potential for good. As someone else noted, make sure you have convincing evidence before you accuse someone in front of another.

It did not involve my parents (which can only magnify problems) but I was faced with a somewhat simlar situation in the past. I was close friends with a respected couple in our community. I had strong reason to believe that the wife was cheating on her husband. The husband was already suspicious. I told him what I knew and have not seen him since. No one loves the bearer of bad news. I'm still not sure that I did the right thing. And the evidence was quite convincing. Looking back, I feel strongly that I should have spoken to the wayward wife first.

Answer 2

Your dad is in the wrong I agree with Flamingo and the others that say it not your place to tell your mom it your dad that need s to face your mom and ask for forgiveness . One thing though make sure of your facts if your wrong and you have mistaken what was an innocent moment for something sordid it could be worse Than your dads indiscretions. talk to your father hear him out , and then decide what is needed perhaps you will still feel your mom needs to know and can live with your decision to tell her or you might see that your father still loves your mom and he is prepared to stop his affair .
Good luck that is a hard choice to have to make . so do it informed and wisely

Answer 3

Sit them both down together and tell them what you know.Then leave them alone,tell them to call you when they are ready, or tell them when you will be back.You don't have to worry about facts, she will know by the look on his face. Beware of saying too many hurtful things.This is there relationship first.Your father is not a horrible person. Do not hate him. He is only human. I am not saying it is ok. But, your mother is the only one who should judge.This could very well make them closer.I feel for you. My father cheated on my mom after having 8 children. He told her he was having thoughts about it. They tried to work it out, but inevitebly he did cheat, ALOT. My brothers and sisters still hold it against him. I never looked at it as anything other than THEIR MARRAIGE. Cheating had nothing to do with me. Keep your chin up.Try to stay calm. Be direct and fearless.

Answer 4

My best friend was in your situatuion 4 years ago and didnt tell her mom and now she has a 3 year old 1/2 sister. Needless to say her mom knows now. If she had told her when she found out that could have been prevented. Maybe your mom knows something is wrong and wishes she had someone to talk to about it but, dosent want to hurt her children. Talk to her. Wouldnt you want your child to tell you?

Answer 5

I know this answer is late, but Frank, don't tell your mom. Like you said in your addendum.....let your DAD know you know, but don't tell your mom something like that.

Speaking from a woman's point of view, there are very few women who are just 'clueless' about their man cheating. It is a sick kind of sixth sense.......and instinct we are cursed with. And the ones who do 'act' like they don't know......ARE just acting. She probably knows deep down, but doesn't want to acknowledge it, because it would mean that she would have to DO something about it......and THAT would change her whole life, and lifestyle.

Your parents were together BEFORE you came around......THEY created YOU remember. Leave their relationship and it's dealings to them. Let dad know that you know, only because it is totally disrespectful, and even more so because YOU found out. That's dead wrong.

Sorry you found it out. I grew up thinking my parents were the perfect couple......only to find out from both of them that they aren't a 'Stepford couple', they both made mistakes, and continue to do things that pushes the other one's buttons.......but the thing they get MUCH respect for.....is that they are mature enough to get past alot of it, respect each other (after the stupid things done early in the marriage before me and my bro were born), and regardless of whether or not it's a good day or a bad one.....they never forget that they love each other. And then they always end up treating each other accordingly.

People aren't made up of stuff like that anymore

Answer 6

Although honesty is the hardest thing to do, you should always be honest. Your parents will have to work out their problems as adults. Why allow them to live on false ideas of one another. Why torture yourself by hiding sucha secret. Your father should be the one to come forward with this info to your mother, but maybe he can't face it himself. You could also try talking with him and letting him know how you feel and tell him that you believe hiding something like that is wrong. Parents have a hard time sometimes, but have to accept the truth that they are not only hurting their significant other, but their children as well.

Answer 7

The best answer till now is the answer of "IHateLaundery's" he is 100% correct.. if you tell any of them, their life and yours will turn into hell, real hell and misery..

If your father is a good father and a good husband, then let it go.. and if you want, you can tell him that you know, but in a decent way... this will help a lot, he might explain what you don't know.. I love my mother too, but will never hurt her...

Some times women know about their husbands, but they act as if they know nothing... those are the great women, they know how to get their husbands back..

If you face some one, he might escape and go to the other, as long as there is no more secret to keep..

Take very good care... This is no joke..

Life is a bi****ch..

Answer 8

Yes you better tell your mom what you saw.If you dont when she does finally find out your going to feel like **** for not telling her sooner.Any man that does it in the same house that he lives in with his family is a dog.He could of went out of town if he had any respect for his family at all.Im sorry honey but i really think you have to tell her or your life will be ruined also.

Answer 9

Tell her! Don't let her find out from a stranger. I caught my Dad cheating when I was a teenager and went straight to my Mom. It was the best thing I ever did.

Answer 10

If I were your mom, I would want to know, but it isn't fair for your dad to put you in that situation. I would go to him and tell him that he has a certain amount of time to tell her or you will. He may get mad at you or try to get you to change your mind, but hold firm and be respectful and hopefully both of your parents will find a way through this.