Am I wrong for talking to another married female associate about business? My wife thinks it's inappropriate.

Question

My wife don't work. She's home 7 days weely, 24/7. The only meal she cooks is dinner. I work at home, & most times, I have to get up & go get a bite to eat so I can eat & sometimes do the same for lunch. The 3 kids are in school so she is literally home all day w/ nothing to do.

I've asked her to work to help with bills, being self-employed, my biz goes up & down & during down months, her income would be a God-send. But she doesn't work, has many excuses as to why not.

I got a female friend, one she introduced me to because we are in the same profession, helping small bizs grow their business & we also work on our own side projects to make extra cash. We considered going into biz together but wife has a problem so it didn't happen. I work out my basement 10 hrs daily & the female friend & I talk to toss ideas back & forth, sometimes my wife is around & hears & sometimes she's not. Some days we talk for 2 hrs about biz. Am I wrong? Tossing ideas helps keep us motivated to go on..

But it's hard & I'm often struggling to keep things afloat financially here while she literally watches.

It's frustrating & having someone to talk to about business is great & motivates us to keep moving forward. Some days I feel like throwing in the towel because it's like I don't ever see the light of day & we could if my wife helped out more.

Now she has a problem because she see's me talking to this woman. She's already broke into my emails & read all of them & when confronted, even she admitted every last email was about business 100%. When she walks in on me talking, the conversation never changes, we're tossing strategies back & forth.

We're members of the same local biz associations & work with the same clients. I'm unwilling to drop the friendship, & my wife now think theres more to it because I won't.

I've lost enough as far as I'm concerned & I can't see myself compromising with someone who doesn't give a damn about our household anyways?

Am I wrong?

Sorry for the extras, but I want to be fair. My wife complains I don't pay her no attention, & I don't. We don't talk much & honestly, the marriage sucks.

This has always been the case long before this woman came into the picture. But, the reason I don't do those things my wife wants me to is simply because I'm tired & fed up. For all these years we struggled & she just watches & makes excuses. Truthfully, I've had enough & just refuse to be all loving & caring when she couldn't care less.

My son, in the 2nd grade barely made it to the 3rd grade, almost flunked...NOW, she's home all damn day....how in the heck does a 2nd grader almost fail?

Stuff like that drove me insane. Until recently, she went 6 months straight without cooking the kids 1 warm breakfast until I just lost it & cursed her out & then she finally cooks

This is from someone who is home 7 days a week! & she can't understand why I don't have anything to say.

But in all, I still stay here like a damn fool.

Answer 1

I am a military wife and my husband is gone a lot. I have all guy friends, because that's who I always got along with, My husband has a lot of female friends because that's how he has always been and that's okay. If I have any concerns about someone seeming to want to be more than just friends with my husband I talk to him about it, but I'm not going to tell him he has to give up on the friendship. I am working two work at home businesses right now and it's all 50/50 here. If my husband is home and it's for more than a couple of days he cooks and helps with the cleaning if I am busy. I take care of him if it's just a weekend he has home. With kids it's hard to say what you should do. I would leave her if you are working full time even if it's in the house and yet she can't do a thing. Except you have the children to consider, but at the same time she is not concerned about even the children if a 2nd grader is coming close to failing. If she's doing that little it looks like you could do it all yourself and don't need her. Make a point of how she depends on you. She needs you to survive, if she isn't even working or taking care of the kids. Honestly is there any love still between you two or is it all just living day by day. Life is short and I bet all this is affecting your kids badly too. She should be kissing your feet for putting up with her. If I wasn't very happily married I'd be asking for your phone number. So hard to find someone so hard working in this world. Keep your friendships, don't give-in to someone who gives nothing in return.

Answer 2

OK I'm not saying its wrong ....But .. Look at it from the other side of the window you are talking to another woman on a regular basis and for a considerable length of time about things that can change both your lives and things your wife is unable to help with . This might make her feel inferior and just a HUGE bit jealous . This woman can have your attention at times when your wife is expected to be fussing about the house cleaning washing , car pooling kids (you tread on very dangerous ground when you say a house wife does nothing all day ) did it occur to you that your wife might think that you are talking about her on the phone to this woman in the way you have here , pretty much saying that she is useless in your home and world .
Id say she would have reason to be annoyed even if your conversations are as innocent as you say.
She is your wife and needs to be treated as such keep your work as an open book to her so she can see that her future is in good hands and that you need guidance from your friend in order to keep life as good as it is .

Answer 3

I think that part of the problem is that a) Your wife is always home and b) you work out of the home for 10 hours a day and you're showing attention to another woman.

Your wife is probably going stir crazy right now. Even though your working, it's probably feeling like you're ignoring her and spending too much time with your colleague. Meanwhile, she stays home even though the kids are of school age and is probably slowly going insane. Your wife needs a hobby or a job.

She's probably scared to get out there and do something. If she stayed home with the kids for a number of years, she may no longer feel capable to go out and make a living or is afraid she doesn't have the social skills to go out an make new friends.

So, she may need a push. A nonconfrontational conversation and then positive reinforcement may be all she really needs.

Answer 4

That's a tough one.

If you are talking to her, do you use the speaker phone function?

Is the conversation STRICTLY business or is there casual conversation intermingled with the business stuff?

Can you wife freely move about the house and enter our work area without you acting secretive?

Is your wife capable of assisting you in your work? Is she interested in what you are doing?

I don't know about this one. There have been plenty of excellent working relationships between men and women. However, there have been quite a few cases when this close business partnership could go beyond where it was intended.

My best suggestion is you make this a family business and you start a new one together for the down months. It kills three birds with one stone. Your wife gets a job, you get a partner and she can talk to the female along with you.

Answer 5

Your wife doesn't seem to make as much of an effort into the relationship as you do. You want her to work, to do more, but she doesn't honor that request, so I understand why it's hard for you and why you don't want her to overreact. It seems that you really care, otherwise you wouldn't be asking for advice. Let your wife know there is NOTHING going on between you two, and make an extra effort to make her feel beautiful and wanted. Married women can get very insecure. They lose a little bit of the chase once their married, and need to be reassured more often that no one's going to hurt them. Be gentle, and be fair. Make sure you hold hands when you're talking to her, look her in the eyes, and do anything else affectionate. I'm sure she'll warm up to this. If she becomes bitchy about it and unreasonable, then it's time to lay down the law and tell her you won't be treated like a child and it insults you to feel like you can't be trusted.

Answer 6

I personally would not like it and I do not think that it is appropriate for the married man to take a personal lunch with one coworker. This is exactly how on the job affairs can get started. A married man goes to work to support his family and not there to connect to another female over lunch. They could start out with the main meal and end up having their desert in a hotel room. I am sorry but you do not mix bussiness with pleasure sweetie because it's only possible that someone may be asking for trouble and that is a NO!

Answer 7

I don't think it is wrong, as you do need someone to toss ideas around with, and like you said, it keeps you motivated. However, women can be really insecure. She probably just feels threatened because you have so much in common with this other woman. It is hard as a woman to deal with these types of friendships, because all we ever hear is how men need variety, and how men are wired to be attracted to every women they see, etc. I know that those are stereotypes, but these stereotypes can make your friendship with a woman be a threat to your wife. Also remember, she may trust you still be worried. She might not think that you will actually cheat, she may just be worried that there are feelings there.

You need to handle your wife with care. First, make sure you are giving your wife plenty of attention. Second, do not ever, ever, ever compare your friend to you wife, unless the friend falls short. Third, you may want to say something about the friend to your wife that makes it clear that you wouldn't be interested in her as more than a friend. For example, if she is physically not your type, make sure you tell your wife that. You need to reassure her that there are no feelings there. Make sure you don't ridicule her for worrying about it. Fourth, make sure there is no flirtation in your voice or your actions.

I see no problem with your friendship, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Just try to remember that it may be difficult for your wife, because she is acting out of emotion, not logic. As far as your wife not working, I can't offer much advice because I don't know her reasons for not working. She may not want to work because she is afraid to leave you alone with this other woman. Or she may not feel qualified or competent to work. You may want to boost her ego and tell her how great she'd be at this job or that. Or, she may just be lazy, I don't know. But try to approach the working issue in a kind, enthusiastic way, not in an accusatory, "you do nothing all day!" sort of way. I wish you all the luck in the world, in both your relationship and your business.

Answer 8

Many people feel like we are modern and need to loosen up. I disagree. Most affairs start out as just friends. More than 60% of affairs happen between coworkers. It's not wrong, but if your wife were in your shoes what would you say? Would want one of her best friends to be a guy? Would you want her talking 2 hour on the phone with him? You're setting yourself up for some real pain. If I was you I would back off.

Justin
http://www.thechristianviewpoint.com/

Answer 9

No not at all sounds like your wife has it too good and thats why she doesnt' want you talking to this other woman with great ideas and someone who motivates you the way your own wife should be doing. She's got it to good there and doens't want you to wake up and see what you could have elsewhere. that would blow her lovely lifestyle she has with you. She sounds lazy and very thoughtless. She should wake up and smell the coffee lucky for her your faithful and its only business.

Tell your wife if she wants the things she' acustomed to .. then to get off her fanny and help out. Tell her your not the salvation army giving hand outs this is relationship and all you see is one person doing all the work.

Answer 10

It is not inappropriate, your wife is very controlling, insecure, and downright lazy! If she wants to keep sitting on her butt at home then she had better get used to the idea of you talking business with the other lady. Maybe the reason she doesnt want to work is because she feels that she needs to be at home "babysitting"you! Tell her to grow up, find some trust, and get a freaking job!!!