When I get around my 18 yr old daughter, I get so depressed. Suggestions?

Question

She moved in with a guy who is 25 yrs old and has a child about a week after she graduated high school earlier this summer. He clearly is an alchoholic. My daughter just got out of jail for punching him in the face because she said he was hitting on another girl. My family does not act this way. We work hard and to be honest, she is putting me to shame.
My daughter has no job, no plans to get one, no car, no money, nothing. She lives in a dump trailer and is barely surviving.
I told her today, I want her to get her life together and go to college or at least get a job, get some clothes and clean up. She looks like trailer trash all of the sudden. Her hair is a mess, her clothes look dirty and she is falling apart. She told me " i am just like my dad and I have a bad temper and I dont take anything from anyone" and told me to get the $@(% out of her driveway. I left. It makes me sick to see my beautiful daughter do this. She has so much potential. Should I just forget she exist?

also, the child is not hers and the boyfriend is still married to someone else. My daughter has no children and as far as I know is not pregnant. She has refused to get on birth control and my insurance ends for her January 1

Answer 1

you cant help someone that dont want to help themselves so only time will tell

Answer 2

I have a lot of sympathy for you right now. As a mother, it must be heartbreaking to see your baby moving out (which is hard on every mom), graduating, and then having a baby so young without being married, going to jail, no job...on top of learning to let her go, you've been subjected to seeing her go through a lot of bad stuff and have her tell you to leave her property. That's really tough! Whatever happens, don't let it make you think that you have been a failure as a mother. Many teens (yes, she is still a teen, not an adult yet) rebel around her age, and she is taking it to the extreme. Now that she is living away from you and is a mother herself, you've got to let her figure things out. She's not doing much with her life, but give her some time to let that sink into her head, because she will realize it some day, but she probably won't want to hear it from anyone else. Whatever you do though, don't just write her off as a lost cause and forget she exists. You know you couldn't do that anyway. Continue to love her, and let her know that you do. Support her, call her, offer to watch the baby once in a while so she can have some time to herself, spend time with her if she'll let you...refuse to back completely out of her life. One day she'll realize that you've always been there for her and will start to appreciate you more. Just gently love and be there for her while letting her figure out what's she's doing. That's the best plan. Best of luck to both of you!

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear that things have turned so bad for your daughter. If you really feel like your grandchild is in danger or not being taken care of, you could always call social services to check them out. It would be a major wake up call for her. She would be mad at you first, but hopefully it would open her eyes to see what a mess she's made of her life. But obviously you shouldn't just forget about your daughter. The one thing she needs more than anything now is love. She needs your support and to know you will be there for her. It sounds like she's going through a very rough time right now. Make sure she understands that if she does want to go to school, you will help her in every way possible, including finacially if you are able. Just don't forget about your daughter. Try to help her.

Answer 4

let her know that you're there to help her whenever she decides she would like to make things better for herself - but not in a condesending way... do you know if she's using drugs? because this is sort of how my brother acts when he's using, but he's super nice when he's clear headed. i don't think there is any perfect solution since it's hard for a person to realize that they do need help in certain situations and a lot of time pride gets in the way. but don't forget about her, i think that's the worst thing you could do, and i don't believe you would really be able to.

Answer 5

You can't force her to do anything, but perhaps she would listen to someone... anyone... tell her straight-up how she is perceived. Most important, don't refer to her as "trailer trash." That is quite rude and won't get her to listen to you any quicker. I abhor to be called "trailer trash" simply because we live in a mobile home which is, actually, a heck-of-a lot cleaner and newer than many people's homes that we know.

Answer 6

Maybe she is on meth?Seriously if this is not the person you know her to be then she is probably using drugs.Dont forget about her try to help her.Maybe you should go get her take her out to dinner and buy her a couple of new outfits.Show her the life that she is forgetting about.

Answer 7

They say birds of a feather flock together...Any way my daughter is 21 and she used to embaress me with the ppl she hung out with..I just told her goodbye n im here when she needs me..And she finally came around when she saw that i wasnt gonna be chasein her around ..Now she's my best friend and she knows that im the only one that loves her more than anything n this world.......

Answer 8

don't forget her, but don't push the issue. You aren't going to make her do anything she doesn't want to and she's made that very clear to you. I know she is your daughter and you care about her and hate to see her throw her life away. It sounds like she is unclear of what she really wants and is using her temper to justify her actions instead of taking responsibility for them. I wish you the best of luck with her...

Answer 9

i want you to listen good.its mothers like you(please dont take offense)that leave there children to fend for themselves you got to have faith and try to help it might not seem like she wants it your just like my grandmother deleted my mom from her memorie because she was having problems in her life with drugs and an abusive boyfriend left me raising my 2 year old and a 5 year brother and sister how about you swallow your pride and get in there and do what you have to do to save her and your grandchild ******

Answer 10

u cant tell her wat to do anymore SHES 18 its time to let her go. she has her own life and although its not a good one well it is hers and u cant tell her how to live no matter how old she is even if she was younger u still cant tell her how to live her life cuz she needs to be her own person and u need to respect her decision.

Answer 11

well i think you should tell her that you are her mother and you can at least take things from me. also tell her that she should start listening to you and put herself in the right direction starting from now.