When you are ready to leave?

Question

I have had it with my husband and am ready to leave it hurt so bad that I dont think I am almost sure he is cheating on me and I just cant take it any more but i really dont know what to do or say, I have no proof exept his actions and a friend that has seen things

Answer 1

Just be confident, tell him you know what's going on (even if you don't) and tell him it's over. I am sorry for your hurt. I have been through a similar situation with my husband.

Answer 2

Lyn, breathe, dear.....

Ok, first, you guys have had a very rough road lately. But you do have a good history. Sounds like this job is causing a problem.

You and he sound prepared to tear up some serious financial committments, too....

Sit with this young man and kindly tell him that you and he have built this life together. A nice home, some financial security, and a pretty baby. All of this is work. And it sounds like it came on pretty fast.

Fall back on the basic friendship that has held you both together for so long. See if mom won't take the baby for a night and focus just on him and you. Tell him you know that this has been a lot and that he is doing so well. He's a good provider and the baby is big enough now for you to start to help him. Ask him what you can do to take some of the pressure off.

When you speak to him speak to him softly and respectfully. Try not to talk to your husband. Have conversation with (his name).

Remind him of the things you admire about him. Romance him with wine and candles. Let him remember the woman he knew before the baby came.

Men don't make the adjustment to kids the way women do. He's having a very normal, very dangerous reaction. If he doesn't have character, then he won't pull through. It's all about whether or not he can make a mature decision.

Married men decide to keep their homes and their wives. They see the value in not underselling their homes and leaving their children without a father. They understand the value in having a lifetime partner, a best friend, and a life without loneliness. But their privacy and their instinct to hunt are sacrificed.

So see if you can't create an evening where he would want to pursue you. Make sure he's gotten some down time. Pull up Kama Sutra on the computer and tell him you have so much more to share.....Intrigue and fascinate him.

And if all goes well, then in a day or two you say, hon, if I can help out by (working part time, babysitting at home (You can babysit 2 children without having a daycare license), watching Aunt Millie 3 times a week, whatever...) if I can help out then maybe it would be a good idea for him to find another job.

If this happens at another job, dear, you do have a problem....

Anyway, if he would be willing to seek out something more conducive to married men, and he does see that once in awhile he can have you back, even if he does have to share most of the time, and you prevent another pregnancy, you may have a shot. Try.

Sometimes this is all they need, the reassurance that they haven't lost everything they remember having in their pre-baby lives. See if he won't hook up with his best friend for awhile and just do things men do. Ask him every day if there is anything you can do for him.

And above all, don't become your own worst enemy. Avoid conversations that bring on misery. You can't punish him into wanting to be a good husband. Let him make this decision. You can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do anyway. If you let him decide then you will know your path. Do make the effort. Just don't do it with misery.....Don't panic, don't react to what he says. Respond. Respectfully as as if he was your friend. Teach him about the wife he hasn't gottten to know yet. Respond to him. Don't react. Breathe, think of what you want to say, and say it like he's your best friend, and worthy of your honesty and trust. Wish I could give you better odds on this one. Maybe he's the one who won't cave. Let's hope...

Answer 3

I truly believe if someone else can get your husband then you don't want him.
I know it hurts but you have to think of yourself and in time the hurt will go away and the realisation that you are a great individual who deserves better will ultimately make your life so much better.
You go through a "I hate men" stage for a while. Take the time to get to know yourself and then when your ready, the men of the world will be lucky enough to share a date with you.
When you have been on a few dates with different men, you will realise that not all men are the same and perhaps, one day, there will be a very lucky man out there who will get the chance to know you and love you and you will love again.

Answer 4

Unless you are just freakishly paranoid, I agree about the woman's intuition is usually right. My 1st ex husband cheated on me several times. Every time I just got this weird feeling like something wasn't right. I'm thinking it was just the slightest change in his demeanor when the guilt was eating at him. But every time I'd call attention to it and he'd just say I was being paranoid. Finally had enough and moved on to seek my own happiness and find someone with the same goals in life. We remained on speaking terms and would get together on or around our b-days to catch up. Some 7 years later, he dating this awful youngster (18 years younger) And she's just turning him inside out. He loves her but she's running around, comes and goes as she pleases, etc. etc. out of no where he apologizes to me for anything bad he ever did to me. And admits that every time I accused him I was right--he was cheating and asked me how I knew. (hahahahaha) Pay back is a b*tch!

Answer 5

Laws vary from state to state on infidelity in marriage. If you are certain you want a divorce and can't afford an attorney, call "Legal Aide" in your area (they are in every state and county in the U.S...and I'm assuming you are in the U.S., if not I'm not sure where to direct you).
Without knowing more circumstances, where you live, etc, it's very difficult to answer your question. You will need "proof" to prove infidelity - however - in some states that doesn't even matter - you either want a divorce or not - doesn't matter why - in other states it matters.

Answer 6

just to get his reaction....i would just pour my love out all over him! crawl right up into his lap and say anything you think will make him squrim. like i love you so very , very much. and i am looking so forward to spending the rest of our lives together..on an on. watch him jump to the cieling like wet cat comming out of water. and then you will have your answer. could be a friend wanting to just cause problems for you. good luck.

Answer 7

What do you need "proof" for? Sounds like you have all the "proof" you need to be fed up with him. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone, not even him. Talk to a trusted friend, have them offer their perspective.

Answer 8

You have to be strong. A womens intuitions are never wrong. Just think you are wasting your life everyday with an unfaithful man when there are plenty out here who will treat you how you should be treated. SERVE his A**!!

Answer 9

I would suggest talking to him with a non confrontational approach. Tell him how you are feeling inside and tell him you are thinking about leaving.

Ultimately he is not giving you what you need and you need to let him know that you are done with it.

Answer 10

You need to do a little investigating....there are lots of ways that you can this on your own....voice activated tape recorders, planting a little bug in his phone....or if its possible hire a private investigator...go on line and do a little research....after you find out what you need to know just present it to him and see what happens then....