I had posted a question a while back about my fiance wanting me to have a one nighter with her friend and I thank everyone that responded to that question. I told her no.... Well, she is really pressuring for me to do this before we get married and we are supposed to get married this weekend. I have a very strong feeling that she has or is getting some on the side until we say "I Do". She really made me suspicious when she said, if you just do it once and it is before we get married, it is not cheating. Well, when it comes to my girlfriend/fiance/wife, I do not share and want no part of a cheating fiance. So since I think she has, but have no realy proof, do I call it off, delay the wedding or just bail all together. I know that if she was to confess after we got married, it would be a quick divorce, because I can not stomach a liar or cheater. Yes, I have asked her, we have talked, but I am not convinced I am getting the truth...Thoughts?
2006-10-12 09:39:46 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Can I just say there are red flags throughout your question. There are enough red flags to stop now!!!!! Reevaluate your relationship.
If you don't have any faith or trust, your relationship will most likely be doomed. Because at some point the lack of trust is going to drive one of you away. Either you just can't trust her or she can't stand not being trusted. Regardless of whether there is or isn't any unfaithfulness going on.
2006-10-12 10:11:32 · answer #1 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The thing about marriage is that it takes a lot of trust, honesty and work. If you don't feel that you are getting these things now, do you really expect things to be any better in the future? Saying "I Do" is not the magic bullet that fixes everything, although many act like it is.
It's obvious you two have many communication and and trust issues. If you truly believe this is the person you want to be with, I recommend delaying the ceremonies until you have time to work things out. Go into a counseling or therapy.
If your FI is not willing to work on things with you, this speaks volumes about her level of commitment and character. Ultimately it is up to you decide, but I think it's very important to be 100% sure BEFORE you make your vows. If there is any question of divorce in your mind, delay the ceremony until you are sure.
2006-10-12 10:20:18 · answer #2 · answered by Sativa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really think that she is trying to make her guilt feel less if you do the same thing. Just ask her if she cheated on you before and if that is the reason why she is pressuring you to sleep with her friend. That is not the way to start off a marriage. Sit down with her and have a heart- to-heart before the wedding. Tell her that you won't be mad, just to tell you the truth. And the marriage will start off right with no secrets and you can make a new beginning together.
2006-10-12 09:48:53 · answer #3 · answered by Yasmin76 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With all these thoughts that are going through your head at the moment I truly believe you would be making a huge mistake by getting married.
Marriage is not something that can be taken lightly and you must be very very sure before you take that step.
Why don't you just put it off for a while and see how you get on, perhaps she is getting cold feet and wants to delay the wedding.
You must know her quite well considering you are contemplating marrying her. So just see what happens first before you take that crucial step.
Marriage should be a lifetime commitment and I have a feeling that the relationship is not as it should be.
2006-10-12 10:47:00 · answer #4 · answered by slipper 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
There are many things that make a marriage work: trust, love, good communication, faithfulness, amongst other things. If she really loves you then she wouldn't want you to cheat. Cheating is cheating no matter if you are married or not. It sounds that she doesn't value your relationship. Re-evaluate your relationship if that is bothering you as much as it sounds like it is! If you want to try and work it out I would recommend seeing a marriage counselor. My husband and I seen one before we got married and it really increased our openness and communication. I thought it really helped. Though if you are having doubts you need to talk to her! Keep the lines of communication open. You don't want to get married then have to get a divorced two months later. You deserve better!
2006-10-12 10:21:40 · answer #5 · answered by Gigglesalot 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd call it off. Especially if you think she may not be telling the truth. If you are in a relationship and you sleep with someone else...IT IS CHEATING!! ANd you are right...youshouldnt share with anyone else. I'd get the heck outta there SO FAST! Good luck
2006-10-12 09:59:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you do not believe her or trust her, it is best to delay or call it off. What a mistake it would be to go ahead with it if you know ahead of time that you are not going to be able to trust her and her cheating could be such a deal breaker for you...
2006-10-12 09:42:26 · answer #7 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course you call it off. Marriage isn't some timeline, "I can bang away until this day". Dude, she's not that into you, sorry to say. If she was, she wouldn't be "doing it just once.", before what she considers a "deadline".
2006-10-12 10:05:46 · answer #8 · answered by Sausage Fingers™ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to call it off.....just my opinion, but do you really want to be with someone who thinks like that? Especially if you dont share that thought......best you prevent a divorce now.
2006-10-12 09:46:41 · answer #9 · answered by Win the West!!!! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out of it. In case of doubt-don't do it. If you don't want to go through the wedding postpone it, if you don't yo will be sorry.
2006-10-12 10:10:11 · answer #10 · answered by nv 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋