My Husband and I have been separated for a little over a year. He lives three hours away but comes and visits at least every other weekend to see me and our children. We have been talking about getting back together but one thing is really bothering me. He knows just about everything that is going on in my house. He knows how much money I make and basically where it goes but when I inquire as to where all his money is spent he basically thinks its none of my business. I am a very inquisitive person by nature and he says I just want to know everything and am not satisfied if I can't find out. I think I have a right to know what he is spending his money on especially since he says he is saving a lot so he can move back home. I have my doubts about how much he has saved and think he just doesn't want me to know he is blowing a lot on money on frivolous things!
2006-10-12 09:35:10 · 20 answers · asked by lorizundel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
his money is not your business
2006-10-12 09:37:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes, you should know as you are still married and if it comes to a divorce, the court will divide the assets and for this, the more you know about all financial things in the marriage, the better off you are in achieving an equitable distribution. Do NOT count on "community property" laws to protect you. I think since he is being evasive, I would be inclined to distrust him. If you have not already done so, it is time to get credit in your own name, separate accounts in your name only, take his name off your charge accounts and any joint accounts. Are you legally separated or just living apart without going through a court process? Either way, he should be paying child support at the least. Never accept cash. You want him to have to provide a paper trail showing proof of payments if it ever goes to court. If he can show you accepted cash even once, he can say you always accepted cash and he may not have to make good on back support he failed to pay.
Frivilious spending is subjective. Is it possible there is a girlfriend involved? If he is not spending you both into debt, and can prove he is saving as he says, details matter little. The key: proof he is saving. Get proof. "Show me the money" as the saying goes. Sharing information has to go both ways. For you to start trusting him again, he has to come through for you
There was a reason you two separated. Is this still a valid reason? Do you still have the same concern(s)?
It's cliche, but here goes, "Once burned, twice shy." If there is a girlfriend involved, then talk of reconcilliation is suspect as he is playing a game of having his cake and eating it too. He has the girl if you don't let him come back, and if you do let him back, he may still keep the girl on the side. Be careful out there.
2006-10-12 09:51:15 · answer #2 · answered by rowlfe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sort of in the same situation as you (except my soon-to-be-ex) is not 3 hours away...there are a few things I don't understand.
1.) you have been separated for over a year, but you want to be with him again and have him move back in? Is this really what you want?!?
2.) Is he atleast paying child support (not sure how many children you have)
The truth is you are separated from him so you don't have any rights to know...as long as he is paying his child support and whatever else the courts may have assigned than he is okay but other than that you guys are on your own...
I really have to ask you why do you want to take him back? For the kids? Because of my -ex I had to file bankruptcy and my credit is now shot for 7-10 years...I wanted to stay with him for our children but it will be more healthy to be away from him....there is just a little bit missing from your story...but the bottom line is even though you are not divorced, but separated, he is living away from you and he doesn't have to let you know...Yeah it would be nice if he really wanted to get back with you but it doesn't sound like it
2006-10-12 09:47:28 · answer #3 · answered by poker_fan_in_nyc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely!!! My husband and I have been separated for nearly four months, but are talking about getting back together. He feels the same way as your husband. I think if he really wants to walk back in to you and your kid's lives on a permanent basis, then you have every right to know. If the two of you are thinking of sharing a home and responsibilities then you should know if he is serious. And finances are a big part of that.
2006-10-12 09:43:15 · answer #4 · answered by nina 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yea a frivolous thing called a girlfriend. I was in the same situation, husband left the kids and me but we were still hooking up. We eventually got back together, but he needs to be a man and confess. He needs to either be with you or set you free.
2006-10-12 09:38:31 · answer #5 · answered by jenlovely01 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you have a right to know... especially if you guys are talking about getting back together. Handling money well and happiness in a marriage often to hand in hand, like it or not. And if he is irresponsible with money instead of thinking about his family, you totally should know. That's my opinion.
2006-10-12 09:44:00 · answer #6 · answered by Holly 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if he has to have a certain amount saved to buy his way back into the house then you have a right to know. If you love him and want to be with him and have a home for your children then what difference does it make. Perhaps he could make payments to you and when he has paid enough he can come back home.
2006-10-12 09:38:36 · answer #7 · answered by Got2seeit 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you're thinking of getting back together, yes, you should know all about his finances. Even if you're separated and he has to pay child support, he should be filing financial disclosures with the court you can access. If he's not willing to be open and honest with you, don't take him back.
2006-10-12 09:37:59 · answer #8 · answered by wynterwood 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You would think if he really wanted to come back he would comply with your wishes and let you know. Most likely he hasnt saved BUT you guys are separated and when separated you are living separate lives, so this is a double edge sword thingy.
2006-10-12 09:37:48 · answer #9 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are separated, then any thing about his money is NOT you business, as for him knowing about yours Who blab ed to him. You are just nosey and call it some thing else nosey is nosey. Also if he moves back in it wouldn't work out because you haven't changed any thing , and perhaps it is for the better
2006-10-12 09:41:43 · answer #10 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't care about your story. Just the question.
So
What the hqll does it matter?
I had to read all that garbage above.
How come you didn't whine "but I still love him" your a shame to womanhood.
You wasted a year and this is stupid.
Answer NO!
2006-10-12 09:47:48 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋