OK, Here's the story. I am married with two kids, 7 and 2. I just moved everything we own across the country and set up house for our family. While I was doing this my wife had an affair and decided she could not move, wants to seperate/divorce, and cant stop seeing the new guy. I am living with her at her parents while I finish up work here before starting a job across the country. I love her. I love my kids. I love my marriage. She shows signs of reconsidering, but then pushes me away, and though it is not in my face, she will not give up the new person.
We have been together for 8 years and this is the first affair either of us has had. She seems like a different person. Cold and completely disconnected from our life together. I have a lot to consider... I am facing the prospect of moving, losing my daily life with my kids, starting a new job, and leaving my marriage all at once. What should I do?
2006-10-12 09:17:16 · 23 answers · asked by Joe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its a way for a clean start! Being a women, when we lose sexual attraction for someone and that will happen when your in the mix with someone else who sparks your interest more, but when that happens our emotions are not strong anymore and the more you beg the less appealing you get.
Leave her and start your new life. Don't show her that you are hurt. If she truly loves you she will come back, but don't wait on her go out and have fun you sound like a great guy that any REAL woman would want. By the time she realizes that she was stupid chance are you won't want her back!!
2006-10-12 09:23:21 · answer #1 · answered by Curious 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dont give up- your marriage may not have the chance of reconciling, especially if you are the only one trying to make it work. Your children are still going to need you , no matter where you go or what you do. I would suggest offering to go to marriage counseling with your wife.
Talk to a lawyer about your rights as a father, and if necessary, make sure that you are able to see the children- if not all the time, then at least on vacatinos and holidays.
If your wife doesnt want to work it out, there is nothing you can do but to move on. As hard as that is, your mental health and the care of your children come first. Dont shy away from them because of their mothers poor choices.
2006-10-12 09:31:37 · answer #2 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man, tough spot and hate to hear that. I am willing to bet that she was seeing this guy before you move all your stuff, but kept it hidden until she felt you were past the point of no return...That is just a hunch, but I am guessing a pretty good one.
I recommend that you still move and take the kids with you to the new home. Give her the choice of coming or staying with her cheating scum boyfriend. Get the kids settled in the new home and do not make a big deal about taking the kids. Just let her know that you will take the kids with you until she figures out what she wants. If she comes to the new home and wants to work things out with you and you are willing to do that, that is up to you, but if she wants a divorce, you at least have the children with you, have them settled and you have a lot firmer stand when it comes to custody.
2006-10-12 09:24:24 · answer #3 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Answer me this: Does she deserve your love?
You say you love her, but isn't our love for another person the greatest gift you can give them? Does she now deserve that gift from you?
I'd say hell no. Divorce her now, and take the kids. If she broke up the marriage and you've never done anything wrong against her or the kids, I don't see why a judge would not give you custody. Heck, at least kick her out until she figures out what she wants. If the roles were reversed she'd have kicked out and taken half your money already.
2006-10-12 09:23:53 · answer #4 · answered by javelin 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I really wish I had a straightforward answer for you. But, I dont. But, I can tell you what *I* would do. Make for a seperation. Leave, and let her ride this out on her own. As long as your there, she wont know what its like without you. I cant say she will come running back, but theres always that chance. Its solely dependant on how much abuse you are willing to take. As far as your children go, please bear in mind, children are not as ignorant to situations as we once believed them to be. Children sense hostility more aggressivly than we do, especially between parents. If you love her, let her know it, and give her the space and time to work through her issues. Say everything that needs to be said, and let her know you are giving her that time. And whatever she chooses, she is still the mother of your children. Then, temporarily walk away. Make contact with her, but only for the information of your children. She WILL come around to talk. Sometimes you just have to let fate take it, and roll with it.
2006-10-12 09:25:36 · answer #5 · answered by Erin G 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
tell her to go get help with you. like talk to someone. to save the marriage. ask her why throw away 7 years of being together. show her how to love you again. spend time together. show her you are the man she marry. so she can stop being with that jerk. anyway but on the other hand if she doesnt want to be with you. you cant do anything. because you can do so much. you cant force someone if she doesnt want to get help. but if i was in you shoes and she doesnt want to go back with you. then i would take the kids because what examples is she going to show them. but i am not trying to be mean. i know you love her with all your heart but she doesnt want to be with you then leave her. but i would give it one more try and see what happen. so i hope you well and good luck.
2006-10-12 09:40:06 · answer #6 · answered by Melda R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This will sound totally insane, and I fully expect you to dismiss it as horrible advice. But I'll say it anyway, because I honestly believe it would work... though it's something both men and women these days have trouble accepting these days: male leadership.
Don't wait for her to reconsider. Tell her "We are moving, and we are starting our new life. You are my wife, and I love you more than he does. Deep down, you know that. But even if you don't, you'll see it over time. I only want what's best for you, and when it comes to this, you WILL listen to me."
She will argue with you, but stand firm. Let her know that you will NOT put up with her behavior. But let her know that your demands and leadership are out of your love and care for her. It's a difficult line to walk, and honestly most men these days have no clue how to do so. =P
If she tries to run away or starts crying/bawking about it, bend her over your knee and spank her behind... not to actually hurt her, but the same way a father would spank a child IN LOVE... for correction. And no, I am NOT kidding. While you're doing it, tell her that you're doing it because you love her and she clearly needs direction right now to put her mind back in a healthy frame.
Follow it up with some sex.
P.S. I totally expect a lotta people to hate this answer. I would've too just a couple years ago. But lemme just say one thing: Don't knock it til you've tried it.
2006-10-12 09:26:52 · answer #7 · answered by Holly 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Staying in a marraige like that will harm your kids more than it will help. Those children need you to be a good role model. Have enough self respect to get out of your broken marraige but still make your children your first priority. The best thing you can do is remain an active positive role model in their lives.
2006-10-12 09:24:51 · answer #8 · answered by sadie 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You can do better you have to deal with the situation you can not trust a person who has cheated because it she really loved you then she would not have done what she did. You sound like a caring father and a great working man you can do better. Keep walking you will find a woman that will love you and that you can trust.
2006-10-12 09:25:06 · answer #9 · answered by Sunbird 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry this is happening to you! But life is short and there is no time to waste on somebody as cold and rude as your wife has become. You deserve better, you deserve a REAL woman who loves you and won't cheat on you.
I wish you the best of luck.
2006-10-12 09:21:03 · answer #10 · answered by Demon Doll 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋