Why is it not ok for stepfather to badmouth father, but ok for father to badmouth stepfather.?

Question

Admittedly I the stepfather have said some mean things about the father. When the father talks about how stupid the stepdad is it's ok. When father treats kids unfairly, I have a hard time not pointing it out. I have always tried to be good to the kids. Father manages to turn everything positive I have done into a negative. If I buy them something nice it's bribery, if I don't give them what they want it's punishment for not choosing me over there father. Father treats kids unequally. Kids just put up with it. I am an asss if I say anything. Almost 17 year daughter used to love me. Now won't speak to me. He can feed them crap, and they think it tastes like jello. I treat them like princesses and I am trying to take them from their father, shame on me. I told almost 17 yr stepdaughter that if she keeps buying off on all the bull crapss her father fills her head with she is going to miss out on alot of good stuff. She would rather hate me. Don't know what to do.

Answer 1

Sit down and talk to her. Let her know that you love her as a daughter but you know you can never replace or be her father. You just want to be there for her and support and nuture. In your and her mothers house she needs to respect your rules and things because you are the head/man of that household and you choose to do things differently than her father does. Make sure your wife is behind you 100% or even there with you when you choose to talk to the children. As far as the father badmouthing you, he is insecure in his position with the kids if he is having to play childish games. You need to be the bigger person and realize the petty games he is playing and not get involved. My birthmom is not the greatest person and i found out some things when i became an adult, but never ever did my father and stepmom(now mom) say anything bad about her while i was growing up. I heard alot of **** about my step mom from my birth mo though. You also need to realize being a teenage girl is when everything seems out of wack. sorry that was long winded.

Answer 2

Being a stepdaughter myself, I think I understand what you're going through. My parents divorced, my mother remarried and my stepfather and I never seemed to get along. Part of the reason was that he kept badmouthing my father. Looking back I can understand where he was coming from but at the time, it felt as if he was saying that about me. I felt that since he felt that way about my father then that was the way he felt about me. I moved out of the house as fast as I could and then one day, I came home from college and we sat down and had a really long talk and now we get along great. The best thing you can do is to tell her how much you care about her and if she ever needs anything to not be afraid to come to you. Hopefully, she'll realize eventually that it's okay to have two fathers.

Answer 3

Oh the perils of being a stepparent. I am a stepmother to almost 16 yo. His mother has had nothing to do with him for years, until last two years. Now she is revered and I am dirt. One of these days when they grow up, they will see the true meaning of life. Keep your head up, do the right thing, and when the rose colored glasses come off in a few years, we will be revered and loved over the absent "real" parent.

Dont sink to the father's level and badmouth. Say nothing but positive things. This is the worst thing you can do! Then there is nothing they can use against you. Love their mother as you have loved no one else in life. They will eventually see the light! Good Luck and GOD BLESS YOU!

Answer 4

The father is jealous of you and his ex. For what ever reason he and his biological family is not together anymore, and he has metaphorically been replaced. So now he is fighting for his territory that he feels he still has some control over. His kids. Don't fall into the trap. Keep being a good father. If their father says bad things about you, let him...eventually they will see his faults. You will be the better man when you have nothing to say about a nothing of a person.

Answer 5

You have to lay low. You're not their father therfore, you can't get mad if they want to be on their father's side.
Think about it... you didn't help create them, actually you took their father's spot and are now with their mother.
Even if you're right, they choose to believe their father because he is the one that made them. He's their biological father.
Don't sweat it. Let them see this on their own in the longrun. You won't always be bad mouthed and besides, the father is only jealous, that's why he's running his mouth. You have his ex-wife, he doesn't want you to "have" his kids. You have to understand, even if you don't think it makes sense, he's afraid of losing them too.

Answer 6

Both of you need to start acting like adults and stop talking crap. What sort of example are you setting for your children? If you want to talk ish about him talk with your wife. She obviously knows and got a divorce for a reason. Be the better MAN. It will pay off in the end.

Answer 7

You know, you should just continue doing your best. Accept that he is going to be jealous and painting you a bad person forever. As soon as you can accept that, maybe you can work around it.

Just tell the kids that while you don't agree with his parenting styel, he is still their dad, you respect that. You long to have a meaningful relationship as their stepdad and leave it at that.

Please don't trash talk him (even if he deserves it)... it makes you seem petty.

because Duh! He got left... there are bound to be things wrong...

take the high road dude!

Answer 8

i could actual have the two one among them walk me down the isle. you ought to start which includes your stepdad and then he meet halfway down the isle which includes your dad and he provide you away. Congratulations on the engagement and the staggering help of two fathers!