on my last Q. most of you said "talk to him" and that would work except i feel like every time that i try NO MATTER WHICH WAY I COME AT THE SITUATION he gets angry or shuts down and doesnt answer or it just turns into an arguement. and we both end up hurt emotionally. ive even suggested counselling and he refuses. am i wasting my time should i give up?
2006-10-12 08:18:10 · 18 answers · asked by PyroPixie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Girl, you have alot going on. I went and read your past questions and you have went from asking about being in love with an ex, to "how do i get pregnant", and now this situation. It doesn't really sound like things are going good with your relationship, it sounds like you are flip-flopping on whether you want to stay or go, and trying your hardest to make something work that really isn't. Why don't you just take a break from this guy for a while, see where it goes, how you feel, and take it from there? P.S., If this is how your relationship is going right now, PLEASE don't try to get pregnant.
2006-10-12 08:40:03 · answer #1 · answered by MiZmeL 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For one thing I hope like hell you're not trying to get pregnant still. In one of your last posts you said you've been happily married for 1 1/2 yrs. Before that, you want to know why you still think about your ex.
The problem may not be your husband being angry when you try to talk to him, it may be you're not approaching him in the right way.
The time to start a conversation is when you're both calm. Don't try to have a rational conversation after an argument. Also , don't hit him as soon as he gets home from work either. I've found the best time to talk is actually at night when you're in bed and the lights are off. For whatever reason, it seems your guard is down a bit more then. Try that. Don't use judgmental words like: You never__________ or You always_____________. Those tend to make people mad too. Try saying: This is how I feel when_________.
Good Luck!
2006-10-12 08:32:19 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont know what the first question was about, but I can say from experience that if he refuses to get help, and he is shut down, that the situation will never get better. I put up with that for 10 years, a man who would ignore me for days when there was a problem, and he refused counselling too. I am divorced from him now for 6 years, and have since remarried to a man who is the complete opposite.
2006-10-12 08:21:55 · answer #3 · answered by Darla D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men want respect from you more than anything....it is how they feel love. If asked if they would rather be alone and unloved or disrepected and irrelevant, almost all men will choose to be alone and unloved...because respect is love to them. If you can talk to him without "disrespecting" him you will go very far. There is a book by Shaunti Feldhahn that is wonderful about explaining this called "For Women Only" and costs about 10 bucks. It is well worth the money.
Also, it helps to speak in terms of "I feel" without being accusing. Such as "I feel disrespected when you look at pictures of other women on the internet. I feel as though I have no meaning in your life and you don't want me." He can't really argue with that...but he can respond to it. You can manipulate that sentence for all sorts of situations. Just don't make it accusatory.
Good luck. Good communication comes with practice and lots of "mess ups." Really, the book will explain a lot to you. You should look into it!
2006-10-12 08:32:25 · answer #4 · answered by tallnfriendlyone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the situation, but guys don't like to be wrong and if you are telling him to change something or do someting different he is going to feel like he is wrong and get defensive.
However, he is probably just in a bad place right now with his life and for whatever reason he might think you are a part of that bad place.
the only thing you can do, whether it works or not, is to be open to what he needs and let him know that you will accept him for all of his faults. IF he rejects you unconditional open love, then there isn't much you can do.
2006-10-12 08:28:52 · answer #5 · answered by tightlies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has obvious communication issues, but do not give up. Everyone communicates differently, so it may be a matter of finding something that will get through to him. This, I know, can be easier said than done.
Explain that you aren't trying to attack him, but that your marriage is important to you and you want to work whatever is going on, out. It's not necessarily going to be easy, or get fixed overnight, but do not give up.
You made a vow to this man, and you should work to keep it...Keep strong and just try your hardest. You married him for a reason, remember that, even when things seem tough.
2006-10-12 11:32:03 · answer #6 · answered by Sativa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best form of communication possible in these situations, is to write a letter. This way you can say all the things you want to say, without being interrupted. You many find that you are better able to "speak" with a letter. Sometimes it is easier for people to understand what they are seeing as opposed to hearing.
2006-10-12 08:24:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what your previous question was, but if you can't talk to him without him getting angry, then it's time to go to counseling on your own.
Not only do you need to address whatever problem you have from the previous question, but you need to think hard about why you are with someone who refuses to communicate properly with you.
2006-10-12 08:23:39 · answer #8 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men deal with things totaly differently then women do. They hold everything inside and then it builds up and blows up. So you have to ask your self do you want to deal with him any more? Sometimes it just doesn't work and you have to move on. But if you want to make it work give him some space. Try and back off when you see he is going to shut down. It sounds like he has alot to say but doesn't know how to express it to you. Try asking him to tell you when he is ready to talk about it. Give him the choice of when but let him know it has to be delt with. Try writing down what you have to say and give him the letter and ask him to write you one back. Some people just can't talk face to face.
2006-10-12 08:35:18 · answer #9 · answered by lynx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he refuses to seek counseling then you go! I did and that was a really good trick and it ended up that he got him one and then we kinda met in the middle... My husband refused to hear anything about his children and serious stuff... so we just argued all the time... I'm not saying that counseling helped "us" but it did certainly help me cope...lol good luck
2006-10-12 08:22:06 · answer #10 · answered by clover_t21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋