My husband works out of town, has befriended sev. young women & texts them all the time, says nothing going on

Question

These girls are all strippers & waitresses in strip clubs. he claims he is faithful that they are just friends, when I ask him to stop the text messages to them he refuses and he will not let me read them. I'm very jealous and today I saw one of the messages. it read" hey babe, hope you had a good day, and hope you have a good evening". Is it possible that he really is just friends or am i just stupid?

Answer 1

Yes, you are being stupid. Unless he's a drug dealer, the only reason a stripper would keep him as a friend would be for the money/gifts. The only reason a man would give money/gifts is for sex. Follow the paper trail, see how much he's spending. My guess is that the girls are friends with benefits. Now stop being STUPID and wake-up!

Answer 2

Yes it is possible but not very probable in this case. I mean, think about it. If you're just friends with someone you don't spend your day texting them. Maybe once in a while to say hi...but that even seems unreasonable because c'mon, who gives their cell # out to a waitress or stripper in a club that you frequent? And what adult has the time to text someone you met at work all day long in the name of friendship? I follow this rule of thumb, "If it doesn't make sense, then it's probably not true" You're being stupid. Stop allowing yourself to be walked on like this. He's your husband, how would HE like it if suddently YOU started getting text messages from men he didn't know & YOU wouldn't let HIM see the content? I'd smack him for you if I could.

Answer 3

With 20+ years of Marital and Couples Conseling in my background. Let me share this with you. First, every marriage has boundaries. However, there are a few boundaries that EVERY marriage should have. First: Limit how close or open you get to someone of the opposite sex. Second: realize, that you are not a machine and you WILL be attracted to members of the opposite sex. Third: know that YOU are a member of a MARRIAGE covenant and you will remain faithful.

Having said that, YOUR husband, if not already having an affair is most probably sexually active with one or more women.
Here are some questions to ask yourself.

IN the past 12 months has your husband been more attentive to :
1. His looks
2. Cologne, he wears (what kind etc.)
3. Leaves early
4. Comes home late?
5. Have you ever considered maybe, POPPING in, wherever he says he is at?

In all the years I've counseled couples involved in Swinging, affairs, incest, DP or other sexual perversions, many were once happily married, but delved into Porn, had close friends of the opposite sex, who started out as friends, but slowly decayed into debauchery.

Hear me. It is a violation of your marriage, for your husband to do this. Get counseling, ...If he won't go. YOu can!

Answer 4

I'm sorry...he is making a bad choice. Men generally do not bother with being friends with women unless they want to "do" them. Does he not have a friend in you? What is he doing in a strip club anyway? Don't you think this is disrespectful to you? What you are feeling is not really jealousy but rather disrespect. Behavior you accept is a behavior you teach. If you tolerate this, this will only be the beginning of the real problems that will come about. Protect yourself sexually as well. . . there's "things" he can bring home to you.

Answer 5

Ok, here's a pretty radical idea, but I think it will work: Start making friends with male strippers, pimps, etc., lots of them. Expressly ask them to text you all the time, and politely explain to your husband that you were feeling jealous and decided to balance out the "playing field" to put yourself in his shoes so you would have a healthy perspective. One way or another, this will straighten things out. Maybe he'll realize the position he's putting you in and change. Maybe he'll confess and get things out in the open, so you can move on. Maybe you'll find out you like playing more than he does! Above all, trust your instincts, and have fun!

Answer 6

Wow. That's a shame: A shame because the guy to whom you've given your heart doesn't have any clue how hurtful this kind of behavior is to you and your marriage. Whether you're "a little" jealous or a LOT jealous isn't hardly the point here: As this man's wife you deserve his respect and carrying on a pen pal relationship with these various women isn't being respectful to you as a person.
Let's get this out of the way: As a guy, let me just say this: It doesn't matter worth a hill of beans whether or not these women are strippers or whose work is somehow related to that industry. It is NOT mandatory that these women have any looser morals than you and your girlfriends JUST BECAUSE they are strippers. The issue here is that your husband CHOOSES to carry on some sort of relationship with strangers outside of your marriage and that is causing you pain. These women could work at the corner hardware store and if he was interacting with them like this it would STILL BE inappropriate behavior on the part of your husband.
Get rid of this other clutter and narrow it down to this: You have a husband who is spending time away from you in the company of naked women. He is carrying on platonic relationships with strangers who are not known to you and do not in any way shape or form constitute mutual friends to you both. You are now on record as telling him that his behavior is causing you pain. He is steadfastly ignoring your pain and doing whatever the heck he wants. You are partners: What causes YOU pain should also cause him pain and vice versa. If a marriage is to have any shot at all it has to be about two people who respect each other's feelings and would never want to be in a position where they were causing their partner any pain. Here's something to keep in mind: If you are in a relationship and the other person tells you something about yourself that is causing them a problem you don't have to agree with their point of view but you have to adjust whatever it is you're doing because the fact is: You're negatively affecting the other person. Like I said you don't have to agree. In fact, you never have to agree with what the other person is saying, but you have to be able to take that in and react accordingly out of care and concern for your partner. There it is, dear: He is not concerned with your feelings on this matter. Period. Maybe you and he are great together and you both agree on everything else in your relationship. Still: If his actions cause you pain and you've told him that and he persists then you have a decision you have to make and nobody here can help you with that...Sorry...

Answer 7

I hope this is not for real. But if it is then you need to leave him. He admits to you that he has friends of the opposite sex that are strippers and waitress's at strip clubs. How did he meet them, at church? So to answer your question maybe they are just friends but I doubt it and yes you sound stupid.

Answer 8

I don't have any friends that work in strip clubs... in fact, I don't know anyone who works in a strip club. I find it hard to believe that your husband expects you to accept this as a normal relationship... him living and working out of town... having lots of female friends who work in strip clubs... you never meeting these women.

Jealous? You say you are jealous? I'd say you are a complete fool. Your husband is leading a "Double life" and is keeping you in the dark. You are only going to get hurt in the long run. Get it over with, and get him out of your life right now.

Why the hell are you living in one town, while he lives and works in another? You need to move to the town where your husband works, or let your "Ex-Husband" just stay in the town where he's fooling around.

Answer 9

Wake up and smell the coffee brewing on the stove please. If he's not up to anything why the secrecy??? And if they are all just "friends" why are they all strippers and waitresses???? Call me a party pooper, but been there done that have the tee shirt hun, he's not as faithful as he pretends. My ex used to say 18-80 crippled, blind or crazy. He has "girl friends" too, found out that they were girlfriends not friends that were girls. Wake up.

Answer 10

i understand how you feel because I myself have a husband who is away all the time, but lucky for me he doesnt do those things, or maybe i just havent caught him yet, hehehe! well, going back to your problem, you would just have to trust your instincts and go with what you feel. though you may be having doubts about your husband, give him teh benefit of the doubt and do not jump into conclusions until you have definite proof that he is cheaitng on you. text messages may not be reliable all the time because it is really subjective and may be read differently, but keep watch and watch out for the signs that he may be cheating on you. i do hope that its nothing more than harmless text messages because its really sad that wives have to go through things like this. good luck!