I'm 20 years old and ready to start a family?

Question

I am currently 20 years old and i have been with my bofyriend for 4 years we are very happy and have been thinking about having a baby? I know i'm ready because I've had my fun and i'm sick of it now I am starting a night class in january to get my RIBO licence (Registered Insurance Broker) It only takes 2 months to finish and then I am ready to work. My bofyriend is a Masoner, he lays brick and what not. He gets paid very well, we are renting a house right now but looking at buying a house. What do you allthink?

Answer 1

Your out of your mind, I'm telling you right know that if you choose to have a child, your life will be filled with so much responsibilty you won't have time to think. You just can't bank on a successful career on a few night courses, and as far as your boyfriend goes, just because he's your highschool sweetheart won't make him stick around when the going gets tough.

Is he as committed as you on this? I don't think you've thought this through. As a test, why don't you get yourself a dog and take it from there?

Answer 2

I was 18 when I got a mortgage on my house and then had a baby at 20, to be honest I would've liked children earlier but my partner was keen to wait a while. I took time to buy all nursery items before I was pregnant which some people found strange but it proved to my partner how serious I was and I was also prepared. I'm really glad I did this as I had the most awful pregnancy and could not have gone around decorating or looking at clothes no matter how sweet they were. My daughter is now two and before I had her I was in a dead end job, when she was 6 months old I returned to work in a new job, I then found I had so much ambition and potential because I was driven by her and wanting to give her a better future, I never would've had this before and was just happy as long as the bills were paid. I am now doing well and it brings me such happiness that she has all the things she needs and I am able to take her on holidays and fun day trips, I am also studying which has given me a great boost. Don't get me wrong people do comment that I had too much to young but I wouldn't change my daughter or my decision to have her in a million years, I do sometimes question my relationship and whether it will last as people do change as they get older and a child gives you a different perspective on life which you can't control. If you feel that you and your partner are both happy and strong enough in your relationship then ages should not matter, although people criticise teenage Mums I am sure that there are some fantastic ones out there, the same as there are probably mothers in their 30's that are hopeless. I would suggest buying your house first as then you are reassured that you have the comfort of your own home and you can 'nest'. I would also recommend that the support of your family helps, no matter how much you love your baby everybody needs some chill out time and a good family can help with this! Good luck, when the time is right I am sure you will be a great Mum

Answer 3

I think you need to stop wishing your life away and take it one day at a time. You havent even experienced the whole bar scene yet. You have so much to learn. Plus if you are looking for a house wait till after tou find one, buy it and are moved in. Trust me a house is NOTHING like an apt or townhome. Also, wait till you have a job before you start spending money from the job and paycheck you dont have. Saving is a lot harder that it sounds. Try it for 2 months and tell me how much you really were able to save.

I am 23yrs old and I am coming up onthe 5 year mark with my bf we just bought a house and we will be in it 1 year in Feb. ADn it was nothing like the apt. The responsibility and maintenance is tremendous in a house and there are problems and expenses that arise that you could never predict. I understnad what you are feeling and you want to move to the next phase in tour life and you are happy with your man and you think all is well. But if you start to intoduce to many hurdles at once you are bound to fall over one of them and befoer you know it the next hurdles coming and you cant get back onyour feet to face it. I would love to marry my bf and start kids cause emotionally we are ready. But in the grand sceem of things the cost of a child far superceeds anything that one can imagine. Get all your ducks in a row before you move onto the next phase of your life. i.e. your job, house, security. You will be glad you did later. If you know your bf is the one and you are talking about starting a fam. wait just a while. You two will have your whole lives together and all the time in the world to start poppin out the kids.

Answer 4

I think this sounds exactly like me when I was 20 except I actually did it. I had my first at 21. Three weeks after I had her, the guy left. I married him when the baby was a year old because he said he wanted to be apart of it and then we divorced. I remarried someone else two years later..had two more kids and then divorced him. I am now currently back with my first guy whom I had the child with at age 20.

When I look back...I always think...If I only knew then what I know now..I would of waited.

Being 20 and being 30 or 40 are different mind sets and its hard to tell younger ladies that even though you desire something with great passion doesn't mean it will be all roses and circus clowns.

My 20's was the greatest uphill battle of my life because I didn't establish money, marriage or career first.

I can not stree enough how important those steps are needed to make a strong healthy relationship. You need to have the wedding with the dress, you need to have the honeymoon, you need to have a sense of acomplishment in you career and money because in the end..you will only regret what you missed out on.

Take your time and don't rush. Because in the end..if it fails like it did in my situation..the only person left to care of the kids is yourself. Thats up all ours, working full time, going back forth from school and so on. Make sure you are willing to take the ultimate risk of giving up your entire life for your child because divorce or seperations between kids parents are at an all time high.

I do wish you much luck in all your adventures to come.

Answer 5

I am 35 and this may sound old fashioned. But here is how I would do it if it were me. How about searching for a house, get married, buy the house, then have a baby. At 20, you think you have done it all and seen it all, but there is still much in the world that you two can do together and visit. What is the rush on having a baby? That little bundle of joy will add more changes to your life. Is he wanting to have a baby as well? You might want to sit down and talk to him about it. This is a major decision that concerns both of you.

Answer 6

Hi! My husband and I got married when we were both 20 (we dated for three years) and he has always wanted to have children right away, but I didn't feel ready (being married is different than dating whether you live together or not) and I wanted to enjoy married life first. I decided that I wanted my first baby before my 26th birthday (which I had a girl) and now we're having number two. Since you want to get your career started, you have plenty of time to focus on that and when you have children, your career won't mean as much to you anymore. I still work as I always have, but my job is flexible enough so I can tend to my daughter when I need to. So, take your time, get married, start your career and then have kids...you have plenty of time and don't need to be in a rush!

Answer 7

You need to do what truly feels right.....BUT.....if i ewere you I would wait until i was a bit more settled. By settled I mean taking the time to get the ceritifcation for your career...find a job in that field, find a house to buy and move into that....and then start trying to have a baby.

i think you will have a less stressfull pregnancy if you are already in your home and settled into your career.

Like I said though, only you and your boyfriend truly know what you should do. Best of luck and I hope that the decision you make proves to be a good one!!

Answer 8

No, No, No, No. If you are still with him in 10 years time then you are ready to start a family. People regularly live until they are eighty nowadays. Do you want to live with him for 60 years. Worse still, do you want to be paying the start up costs of children until you are 45? Live life a little. Take 10 years spending some time and money on yourself. You have just escped the regiment hell that is school, don`t jump straight into another one.

Answer 9

Go for it girl, if its what you want! but think long and hard about it first, having a baby is not to be taken lightly! OK so you had your fun now, but what about in a year, or 2 or even 5, you will only be 25 by then, good luck to you whatever you do and i hope everything works out! =]

Answer 10

patience in starting a family is a virtue...kids are a major commitment on their own, and you would want to give them the most of 'you' that you can especially in the first 5 yrs and especially the teen years. having them too soon, will cause financial hardships that depress the family environment...get the careers set, credit must be well-established and save money like crazy for emergencies...also, make sure you can afford health insurance for a family..

we struggled the most with having 2 girls that were both in diapers.

i also agree that you marry first and spend lots of quality time together, once you have children, then it becomes very rare.