This is like a Part Two of my first question. Serious answers only please.
Ok, it seems like I'm a big idiot because I've let the wool stay over my eyes and just crossed my fingers that he will one day say the three little words. We've broken up & gotten back together many times and he does all kinds of things with me and for me, and generally takes good care of me. He's just not emotional or romantic. That said, guys, if you had a girl that loved you, and you weren't in love with her, and she wanted more, how long would you let it go on? We've been on this merry go round for over four years. Could he really just be with me because I love him and I accept the wool over my eyes? I'm not some idiot bimbo, I'm educated and sharp and pretty and pleasant and I take good care of him. I thought I would demonstrate my excellent wife skills and he would fall in love with me. Seems I'm the fool though. He'll keep taking as long as I'm offering, won't he. The writing's on the wall, eh
2006-10-12 07:54:12 · 17 answers · asked by Ade 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi Hun,
Relationships are so difficult! I recently broke up with my live-in boyfriend for 3 years. He had no emotional connection with me, we had nothing in common anymore, it was co-exisiting living. I thought I could make it work. I would do my "wife" routine, took great care of him, cooked, cleaned, catered... He left me one day, 3 months ago. I took it upon myself to terminate our lease, move back in my parents basement, etc. It was humiliating and devistating.
What I'm trying to say is, eventually the lack of love will come back to hurt you, bad. I would not wish that upon anyone. My advise is leave while you can, before he leaves you.
Please do not call yourself a fool. "fools fall in love" and that is part of the joy it brings. He is not giving you what you need. Please take care of yourself and what you need. Find a man who can step up to plate and love you for who you are, you brains, whit, and willingness to show and provide such care for others.
Please take care and feel free to email me if you need to talk.
Sabrina.
2006-10-12 08:05:47 · answer #1 · answered by Bean 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah if he's got a good thing going & he's content with the way things are, I'm sure it would be worth sticking around, even if he has to listen to you whine occasionally about not being married.
I am sure that you aren't an idiot, but I think you may be guilty of a trait that I see that's common in women. It's the belief that if you stay with him long enough, & love him enough, & care just enough, that one day you will CHANGE HIM.
Very telling, in your words about demonstrating your "excellent wife skills". Most of the time women that are trying to change him, end up very disappointed.
Wouldn't it be better if you stopped trying to change HIM, & instead, changed your situation. Now that's something you can take control of.
There's definately a guy out there who will appreciate you as a wife, but it probably isn't this one.
2006-10-12 15:09:44 · answer #2 · answered by No More 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't call you an idiot, just hopeful...but the writing is on the wall...
The relationship is somewhat troubling...if he has shown you no emotional support for 4 years...is he really worth any more of your time? Haven't you invested enough of yourself without getting any return on that investment? You sound like you already know that you have to move on with your life...but it's a hard choice to make...too many hopes dashed...so much time invested...but it gets worse every month you delay, don't it?
You just can't "make" someone fall in love with you...and it's not a skill based thing...sorry. It's either there, or it's not. If it was there in this case, you would know it after 4 years...hoping that it will suddenly appear tomorrow is not a good way for you to spend your life.
It may be that he is looking for a way out himself, but wishing to spare your feelings. He may value you as a friend, and therefore be unwilling to just toss you away. Maybe you need to show him there can be a middle ground of friendship only...if you can accept that. Good Luck, and be kind to yourself.
2006-10-12 15:07:55 · answer #3 · answered by Joe 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that you,ve pretty much answered your own questions and are now looking for validation from others. You said it yourself above that you love him and he wasn't in love with you so why do you continue to torcher yourself? You seem to be giving this man an easy way out whenever he pleases because he knows it doesn't take much to get you back. You need to stop worrying about being lonely as if you aren't lonely enough in this relationship. All the breaking up and getting back together is not healthy and it does nothing for you but teach you how to rely on empty promises. Stop looking for a father figure and unwarranted security and do what you know to be the right thing.
2006-10-12 15:06:04 · answer #4 · answered by Tanya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the second time, why would you marry someone so non-emotional? He's not going to change - either accept him like he is or move on. The writing has been on the wall for a long time - you've finally opened your eyes to see it. Now do something about it! Move on, end all contact, find someone who truly loves you because this man does not.
2006-10-12 15:12:48 · answer #5 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if the sex is great which I am guessing it must be or you would have left him by now, then he will probably stay as long as it is good. Why should he leave afterall he seems to want the relationship the way it is now without having to get emotionally attached and you let him have it. Face it he has no reason to give you anything more.
2006-10-12 15:09:20 · answer #6 · answered by Allinwiththenuts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do decide to leave, what would you do if he came back begging you saying he does love you and will change, etc. You gotta know yourself well enough to know whether or not you would just go back to this system the two of you set up, or whether or not you really are sick of it and want more. Figure that out and you will have figured out whether all of this worrying is for naught.
2006-10-12 15:05:02 · answer #7 · answered by VNCGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok i don't really understand what you're asking, or complaining about. If the guy does lots with you and for you and takes good care of you, why does it matter if he's not emotional or romantic? If he does all those things, why do you think he doesn't love you?
But to answer your heading question... yes, lots of guys (and girls) stay with their partner out of convenience.
2006-10-12 14:59:58 · answer #8 · answered by who-wants-to-know 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion,yes, guys do stay with girls for convience. They think that a girl is already doing there wifely duties then why marry them. What you need to do is talk to him and ask him where is yalls relationship going, and if he can't give you a straight answer then leave him. there is no time to be waisting your life away waiting for a marriage that will never happen. now if you want to stay with him, then stop complaining about getting married and deal with it.
2006-10-12 15:13:05 · answer #9 · answered by homie_j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he just likes you like a close friend or as a sister,because he likes being with you but he do-sent love you.I guess in a way his confused he do sent know what he feels.Sit down and let him know how you feel and want to know were this is heading.You don't want to be loosing time with him if he do sent love you back.
2006-10-12 15:00:37 · answer #10 · answered by SMILEY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋