"Waking With Your World"
Hold- what is close to you
Don't let this go...
Keep- what is dear to you
Close to your soul...
Make- your own world with your
Feelings that flow...
Watch- with the wonder of
Things you control...
Wake- from this slumber that's
Kept you so low...
Show- all the world what you
Carry inside...
Hope you like it. If you do, there's more on my 360 page.
If not, that's cool, but I'd appreciate any feedback you may have.
2006-10-12 07:44:35 · 10 answers · asked by ? 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
"make it more poemy?"
That's funny!
What is poemy?
And rap is taken from poetry, anyway, so I guess that's a compliment hidden....
2006-10-12 08:11:59 · update #1
its pretty good. if i had some advice i would make more rhyming words, its the same rhyme all the way down, lengthen it. also it sounds like a rap, make it more poemy if you want it to be a poem.
2006-10-12 07:52:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cora, It's a very beautiful poem.
It makes me think of Sherl Crow's song "Soak up the Sun" mainly the line - "It's not having what you want it's wanting what you've got". Cherish and celebrate the things that are treasured to you. Dance like nobody is watching and be happy about your own little world.
2006-10-12 22:17:32 · answer #2 · answered by Miel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Finoodle
And such depths cannot bear the weak words we conjur to convey meaning. We can only hint at what we carry inside, not even show, so special and awe inspiring it is. Hi Cora!
2006-10-13 09:27:32 · answer #3 · answered by Eudaimonia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very beautiful. I like This poem For Sure!!
2006-10-12 14:53:16 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad, Cora- in fact I like it a lot... and "deep" enough for me. A poem doesn't have to rhyme at all.
2006-10-12 14:53:30 · answer #5 · answered by justmemimi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please make it more sweet try to write with better words.
Your poem must be sung by Mark Knopfuer.
2006-10-12 14:52:51 · answer #6 · answered by SKG R 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its nice, but it would be better if it was "deeper"
2006-10-12 14:47:08 · answer #7 · answered by ηєvєrmorє 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nice!!
i really really like it!!!!! keep up the good work!!
2006-10-12 14:51:15 · answer #8 · answered by Perfectly Flawed 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU EMO
2006-10-12 14:53:30 · answer #9 · answered by Adam T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its alright :-)
2006-10-12 18:26:39 · answer #10 · answered by ~Niecee~ âË» âË» ♂ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋