4 yrs ago my fiance (now husband) took the opportunity to go out with his hi-school crush while I was out of town on business. (not telling me) A friend called me while I was away & told me she saw the girl at a gas station & stopped for a few moments to chat w/her, while there, the girl told my friend that she was on her way to the bar to meet (MY FIANCE).next morning I call my fiance, ask him what he did the previous night & he tells me he spent it with his parents. When I continously questioned he continuosly lied,Until I told him I knew he finally came out & told me that yes he had went bar hopping with an old friend nothing more. Come to find out later he had seen her months prior & made the arrangements then, so he had these plans to go with her the whole time & never told me, then lied about it. ok, so yes we are married now etc.. because I chose to believe him, however I still find myself going back to it & getting pissed, I still think he's lying about what happened
2006-10-12 07:43:32 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
honestly if he lied to you about things in the past he is more likely to lie again even though you are married. My heart goes out to you, and yes you do have a right to be jealous, it doesnt sound like there was closure to this arguement and if there isnt closure for you, this will be a never-ending cycle for the both of you. You should try to talk this out with your husband. And you must learn to trust him again and let go of the past. If you cant let go of these things then they will eat away at you for as long as you are married, (Ive been married six years and my husband lied to me all the time until we had several confrontations) If your husband since you have been married has never gave you a reason to distrust then you need to let go and enjoy the love of your life. It will make you miserable if you dont. If you cant get past this then you might consider counseling.
2006-10-12 07:58:15 · answer #1 · answered by beautifullybroken 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, what he did was not exactly "normal"... One thing is to run into an "old friend" and spend some time catching up, and another is to be making secret plans in advance and lying about the whole thing. I mean, if you have to lie, you KNOW something's not right about what you're doing. Why do the thing that is not right? I do not blame you for being ticked off.
2006-10-12 08:01:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Same thing happened to me. Basically maybe girls are just more honest. You have to find it in your heart to forget and forgive and give him another chance. If he loves you, he's probably more sorry than you know - and is just not able to tell you the truth. Give him another chance and you'll know soon enough if he's worthy of it. It may be good to discuss how you feel and how it hurts you that he's being dishonest- but do not NAG- I know that's the hardest thing to do- but try not to. that'll ruin your relationship and things can turn ugly. Do not change yourself because of how life treats you- it's a test of your character and strength. Take care and wish you luck
2006-10-12 07:59:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love him and nothing like this has happened then the best medicine is to forgive and move on with what I'm guessing is a beautiful marriage other than this blemish. If this isn't the only instance than it might be time to rethink things.
2006-10-12 07:48:44 · answer #4 · answered by Rich 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does sound like a trust issue. Either you're going to forgive him and move forward or you need to decide whether the trust is truly gone. If it's gone, then you need to move on. Because once trust and respect disappear from a relationship, odds are you won't get them back.
2006-10-12 07:49:59 · answer #5 · answered by Glennroid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trying to change the past is like trying to put toothpaste back into a tube. Not very easy. Best to move forward with your life. All humans are know to err at one time or another. If you are perfect we can worship you.
2006-10-12 07:52:15 · answer #6 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Boy, Did you ask for that or what! If you weren't so prying about the subject, You would not have this problem. Just let it go. I'm sure YOU have a few little secrets YOU don't want him to find out about. RIGHT? Best answer or not....YOU need to let it go or give it to your higher power before it totally destroys your marr-age
2006-10-12 07:51:40 · answer #7 · answered by larry h 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well you know i had the same thing happen to me, but i was that ex-crush. my high school sweetheart had moved to another state, he was 2 years older than me so i stayed and finished high school in my hometown. a couple of months from his departure about 3 to be exact he met another girl and fell "head over heals" for her!! of course i was heart broken and cried for days over the situation. but i got over it, it hurt like hell, but it finally stopped hurting. so 6 months later he got engaged, and wow that pain crawled back!! i felt so used and just so torn with emotion, he never called me or anything. so 1 month before his wedding date he calls me out of the blue. he asks me if i still love him, and asked himself if he was marrying the right girl. i said 'look, it looks like youve already made your decision, i wish you the best and hope shes what you really want in life' he was confused and i guess he just sought 'closure'. now ive recenlty ran into him on the web, hes still miles away in another state but is still married to the same woman, and now has a beautiful son. maybe what your husband was trying to do was determine if he really loved you, and see if you were the he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. and by him lying to you only made things worse, and that made you not trust him. but guys will lie, in order not to 'hurt you' but only end up making matters worse!! maybe he sought closure, do you trust him now completely or are you kinda nervous about his faithfulness?? and no youre not being paranoid its completely normal for you the feel the way you do!! its human nature!! of course no one ever compares to their first love, but its a heck of an experience!! =) dont be upset over it, in the end youre the one he comes home to right? it is hard, but darling its been 4 years!! dont dwell on the past youll get wrinkles on your pretty face!! maybe he is lying, but you know what youre probably not gonna find out about it. just be confident about yourself, and that your marriage will over come anything. wish you the best!!
2006-10-12 08:08:20 · answer #8 · answered by ahermoc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Deal breaker. He most likely cheated. I would get as far away from him as possible - some things are not forgivable and that's one of them. What's worse, he lied about it - so that means he could still be lying.
2006-10-12 07:49:15 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Unless you have reason to believe he is not being faithful, just drop it. You can't beat a dead horse. If you think he is lying about other things, you need counseling, or you need to walk away.
2006-10-12 07:47:35 · answer #10 · answered by happi2bwu2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋