I have found that my husband has been watching porno on the computer while I am sleeping at night. I hate it. It makes me feel like I'm not doing my job. I try to give him sex whenever he wants. He has always had this problem, but I am so tired of dealing with the same thing over and over again. He has said previously that it has nothing to do with me, but I con't help but to feel infeior to his other "women". I don't have problems with him going to strip clubs occassionally with friends, but porno is another subject for me.
Please Help!!
2006-10-12 07:37:25 · 29 answers · asked by PRL8268 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hes just a normal male
2006-10-12 07:41:17 · answer #1 · answered by traveller 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You have no prob with him going to strip clubs but have issue with the PORNOS?????
At the strip club he can be touched and LAP DANCED, at home, watching a porno there is no physical contact or harm. If you feel inferior to the porno chicks, go to the gym and work out. Save up, or cash in your 401K for a tummy tuck and lipo......and a boob job, either a lift or augmentation if you want new ones.
Anyway, the movies are just fantasy. Your husband is married NOT dead, NOT blind. And it isn't a reflection of YOU unless he belittles you and makes the comparison himself in addition to rejecting you because of that comparison.
The insecurity ISN'T sexy. If you don't think the world of yourself, that carries over into your looks, and people tend to percieve you the way you percieve yourself. So if you don't like what you see....DO SOMETHING about it. But don't wig out over a MOVIE.
2006-10-12 08:08:53 · answer #2 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, some men are drawn to it. It's not that you are incapable of pleasing him, usually, it's just they like it. Sometimes,a nd not just stereotypically, men think about sex a lot, and it is appealing to watch it. I helped a friend with the same problem. If you don't feel right just telling him to stop, for reasons of being nosy or too controlling, maybe go to a store and rent one or something, and watch it together. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. It's not so bad... A lot of men feel better when their wives get involved in some of their interests...I know most guys that actually watch and like porn like when their ol' ladies watch it with 'em. If you're appauled by porn, then, um, suck it up, or tell him to stop if it bothers you that much. The latter is kinda of a bitc hy thing to do, though.
Just an idea. It helped my friend..but everyone's different.
2006-10-12 08:16:24 · answer #3 · answered by Yeop 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's human nature. It's no slight on you. It's not a statement about how much sex you give him or even if the girls are more or less attractive. I know when I look it has nothing to do with wanting these women - in fact, it only makes me want my wife more.
If you are willing to accept his going to strip clubs with friends to see "live" nude women, you can certainly learn accept him looking at pictures.
Relax. At least he's not out looking for other women. He looks at a little porn, probably gets excited occasionally, and you reap the benefits.
2006-10-12 08:03:59 · answer #4 · answered by mrpeabody 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if you aren't fullfilling his needs.
If you only put out every two weeks or once a month, then you are part of the problem. Your "hangup" with porn is seeing it HOW? usurious to women? This is a BS attitude. Look at it this way, porn and no STD's or strippers and the potential for STDs? which would you prefer?
in the diseasing of America model adopted by many since the womens movement, they see porn or nudity more prudish then their victorian forebearers.
viewing porn is like reading Field and Stream or Motor Trend. It sparks imagination.
Porn may actually add spice to your sex life as long as you drop it now..
"happy and fullfilled" sometimes is enhanced with fantasy. Before you shoot him down into a turd ball think about it.
2006-10-12 07:44:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He may have a fantasy that he cares for you to much to ever involve you like domination or orgies or whatever. His self image and his image of you may not allow him to combine them with his fantasy.
Most men have penis envy, is evident by the fact the most hardcore porno has well endowed men in them. Your husbands fantasy may simply be that he wishes he was BIGGER and may be pretending be the actor in the movie. Its the same thing as way men like action flicks. WE WANT TO BE THE HERO/LEAD CHARACTOR.
Its not you that he wishes to be sexier its himself.
This is only a guess, because I'm nothing like this BTW
Hope this makes you feel better.
2006-10-12 08:06:36 · answer #6 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings are right. A lot of people on here will tell you lots of men do it, and it's okay, blah, blah, blah. That might be so but it does not help your relationship with your husband and you feel bad about yourself, so it's not alright.
You have 50 percent of the say of what goes on in your marriage. Let your voice be heard, loud and clear. If he doesn't want to stop and work on sex with you, then you have to either accept it or leave.
2006-10-12 07:44:30 · answer #7 · answered by VNCGirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Guys like Porn, get over it. He is not the only one watching it. It doesn't matter what you do, you could take in the Pile Driver position every night, he is still going to want to watch some one else every now and then.
You could leave him over it, but chances are as soon as you found a new man, we would also enjoy watching Porn
And how can you have no problem with him going to strip clubs, where he can get full contact lap dances, but you freak out over him watching someone he will never meet?
2006-10-12 07:52:08 · answer #8 · answered by devdav2002 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I totally understand you. Don't listen to the people that say it isn't a big deal. If it hurts you and you feel betrayed then it is wrong. Nagging never works. What does work is looking at male porn and accidentally having him discover it. Look at extremely well hung men. He'll get the point
2006-10-12 09:09:55 · answer #9 · answered by jenlovely01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, you don't like him watching porn, but he's allowed at strip clubs? Hmm...that's a little weird. Anyways, let him, he's gonna, he's a guy! If anything it will benefit you in the bedroom. To try new ways. Try watching it with him. If you see something you want to try, tell him. He'll love that. Just remember he's a guy, if he didn't he'd probably be gay!
2006-10-12 07:44:11 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Amanda♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well a strip club is worse then him looking on the computer but it normal alot of guys are like that at least he is only watching it on the computer instead of out cheating on you.....Just let him be its not that bad
2006-10-12 07:41:38 · answer #11 · answered by Princess 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋