I would like serious, adult responses only please.
The man I'm with, I love very much. We've been together for years but I've made the continued mistake of letting him get away with not being emotional or romantic.
Against my better judgement, time and time again, I've let him off the hook when he doesn't say the three little words. I look the other way when he slides every so gracefully past my attemtps to be romantic or intimate. Not sexually but like, opening up to eachother. Now years later, I want more and am ready for more. But as strong as I am I can't seem to make him "come across" which I think he would, because he's come through before. He knows exactly how to glide past me and as hard as I try, I can't "make" him or encourage or entice or inspire him him to step up to the plate (and talk about marriage, kids, our future). I love him so freakin much I don't want to "press" him too much but I don't wanna be like this forever. I created this monster, what do I do?
2006-10-12 07:30:56 · 12 answers · asked by Ade 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he loves you and he doesn't know how to express himself, but your still intimate, and you're not worried about him cheating,accept him for who he is....maybe when you just accept him, and quit trying ,and go with the flow, he might surprise you.When a woman truly loves her man,sometimes she needs to step up to the plate and stop being so emotional, some men have a hard time expressing themselves, it doesn't mean they don't want to, or that they don't care. If you have been together for years, something must be working...leave it alone.
2006-10-12 08:02:26 · answer #1 · answered by melanie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like you said, you created the monster, and it looks like you won't be able to change him. If he won't say the three little words or get romantic/intimate with you, chances are that he's just in the relationship for convienience and doesn't really love you. It's way past time you confronted him on the issue. If he won't talk seriously about any future you might have together, it's time to cut your losses and move on.
2006-10-12 07:35:15 · answer #2 · answered by Blue Jean 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two things come to mind. He probably sees it as a game. He finds it fun to avoid saying it. Second, he might not feel comfortable expressing his feelings.
The first problem is easy. Make a date with him. Send the kids away for the night, light some candles, put on a beautiful dress, prepare his favorite meal, put on some romantic music, etc. Reminisce about how you met, the fun things you've done, your wedding, etc. And tell him you love him. If he plays his game, tell him that you are serious, are tired of his game and you expect to hear it daily. Don't let him squirm out of it. Deny access if it comes to it.
The second part is harder and will take time. You will have to train him that expressing affection is good and expected. He can remain stoic with his friends, but should feel free to express his love among family.
Good luck.
2006-10-12 08:44:07 · answer #3 · answered by ssbn598 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't want to talk about it, he doesn't want to do it. Like marriage, if he doesn't want to talk about it, you better hang it up. If you have been with him for years, he should be telling you he loves you without a problem. Next time you get into a relationship make sure the person actually wants the same things you do. Sometimes people don't say I love you enough, but he sounds like he is avoiding it. I wouldn't stay with him. I was with an ex boyfriend whom I wanted to marry, but he didn't, and I would try to get him to talk about it, well I look back on it today and I was just young, naive and insecure. Good luck because you sound nice.
2006-10-12 07:42:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well as you have stated over and over again- how much you love him- just remember that- you love him for who he is you loved him when you agreed to marry him, and he never offerd the emotional side of him- you were the one hiding the fact that you were ok with that- and it sucks- I have been there before- but it looks to me though you cant change him- so maybe the only change needed is more acceptance of him- I hope it all works out for you- you could always have a heart to heart with him and see if that helps, but it's not really fair to make him be something he is not- ya know?
2006-10-12 07:35:51 · answer #5 · answered by shannon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry that you have ended up with a man who is incapable of meeting your emotional needs.
You deserve better, so let him know that if he won't be the kind of partner that you need then you will start a search for one that will.
I just want to share one very valuable life lesson with you before I close. You can't MAKE anybody do anything that they don't want to. So if they won't change FOR you, then you have to make a change for yourself.
2006-10-12 08:22:11 · answer #6 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lets be honest here- i was the same way with my ex wife- i wasnt so romantic or anything like that- and the truth of the matter is simple- i LOVED my ex wife but I WASNT IN LOVE with her- and thats why- i have a gf now and it comes natural for me to be romantic and do the little things i know woman like- thats because imIN LOVE WITH her--
2006-10-12 07:41:07 · answer #7 · answered by dlplayerny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start packing your stuff into boxes and see if he is smart enough to see which way the wind is blowing. If he isn't then you are better off without him.
2006-10-12 07:34:31 · answer #8 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would you marry someone so non-emotional? Face up to who he is. He isn't going to change - either learn to deal with it or consider it the deal breaker.
2006-10-12 07:33:19 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
:( dont be! be happy with what you have! dont be unhappy for the failings you cant have! ( its confusing. i comprehend ) yet think of of it this form.. each minute you spend unhappy, is a minute of happiness you will in no way come back. :) **starred** :).. dont ignore to grin :)
2016-10-16 03:03:36 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋