with your spouse do you find it hard not to throw up the past at them especially if they have just said something not so kind to you ? do you mean it or were you just trying to get back at them ?
2006-10-12 07:17:42 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i do it to prove a point,cause if they started the argument and said things to make you feel bad,then yes i would bring the past up to hurt them!!!! is it childish?? YES!!!
2006-10-12 07:24:15 · answer #1 · answered by UNSEENHAND 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
As hard as its going to believe....my husband and I don't hardly argue. For the most part we see things the same way. we have the same goals and as far as the kids, we agree on how they should be dealt with. The little things just seem to irrelevant to bring up, and the big things we deal with before they get to be a problem. We are both 42 years old and have been married for 8 years. The children were mine from a previous marriage. He is a great "dad". And our pasts are just that..."the past"...why bring it up...you can't change it and when you say things out of anger and hurt someone...then the damage is already done. We never speak out of anger. Most people I know, regret the things they say when they are mad and by then its too late, you've already cause the problem to be worse. And you have cause the other person to doubt you. I also believe for you to understand how to have a relationship that is calm or right, you need to live what your trying to avoid. meaning...the older you are and the more you experience, the better your relationships will be. I wish everyone well...Have a Great day..and thanks for a great question !!!!
2006-10-12 07:31:07 · answer #2 · answered by lisa46151 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have issues with forgiveness, and usually, I TRY to forgive, but I'll NEVER forget, so when I am hurt on a different occasion....but it feels like the past hurts or offenses have....I tend to bring the past up. It's kind of bad though because after being hurt too many times, in the same way......eventually, in time, you begin to look at the person differently and the love that was once the foundation of the relationship gets replaced with resentment, anger, bitterness, and dislike.
That is what happened to me. I am currently in the process of a divorce.
2006-10-12 07:33:18 · answer #3 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I never bring up the past - to me, its over and done with and no longer means anything. He, on the other hand, is forever bringing up crap form the past that really has nothing to do with what we're arguing about NOW. We don't argue often, but when we do, it sure isn't pretty! As for meaning what I say during an argument, I have to say I usually do mean whatever I say - I think our true, ugly feelings come out when we're mad and its hard to take them back, so I try to watch what I say, but mean everything I do say.
2006-10-12 07:23:45 · answer #4 · answered by thersa33 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I mean everything I say... I try not to throw the past at him, although I'm sure it does happen sometimes in the heat of an argument. I do say things in an argument that I would have kept to myself otherwise - but it is always something I truly feel, never just to "spite" the person.
2006-10-12 07:21:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I used to do that with old boyfriends. Usually I was being attacked for some behavior or another and as a defense I would recall anytime the person did something wrong and if appropriate how much forgiving I was of them then they are being in the current argument. Mostly, I was trying to make the feel as attacked as I felt. It's like a kill or be killed sort of thing, well more like misery loves company.
2006-10-12 07:23:23 · answer #6 · answered by NutterButter 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would have to say both. from experience. I say it to get back because he hurts my feelings so I guess I have to try and hurt his too. Also I mean it. For some reason when he is saying something to me about the past, that hurt him or whatever, I see that as my chance to let him know there are things he has done that have hurt me too. I feel most of the time he says something mean to me he is just trying to make himself feel better for something he did. It would also depend on what you said, whether or not you meant it or not. What did you say?
2006-10-12 07:25:57 · answer #7 · answered by lady 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I never mean what I say, I say it too hurt the other person. I will always talk about the past when we were auguring. I think that is some of the most hurtful things I can say. I do not really mean what I say, but I say it anyways. I think that is Whit the arguments get out of hand. We both do not thing before we say things and then all the crap is on the table.
2006-10-12 07:19:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
During an argument I will say almost anything to get back at the one hurting me.... I always feel terrible about it and usually do not mean what I say.
2006-10-12 07:20:32 · answer #9 · answered by Tricia P 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's a tough one. It really depends on what the issue is. Most of the time though I would say that I do it just to get back at them.
2006-10-12 07:20:09 · answer #10 · answered by It's a secret 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's the whole point of arguing is to dredge up the most hurtful things to say about the one person you love the most, and hurt them emotionally and psychologically.
Or, you could just play cards.
2006-10-12 07:20:49 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋